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Michael Hannigan
Michael Hannigan, Internet Researcher
Category: General
Satisfied Customers: 8124
Experience:  Extensive experience in research and problem solving.
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Do people indicate or offer help to someone they dont know

Resolved Question:

Do people indicate or offer help to someone they don't know or don't know well,
help with anything, not meaning that? Is it a way of finding out something? If so, what?
Is the person sort of rejected if they need the help?
Submitted: 12 months ago.
Category: General
Expert:  Wendy MFT replied 12 months ago.

Wendy MFT : I suppose the answer to your first question depends on the nature of the help and who the person is. Some people are just generous by nature and would help anyone. Other people might need more of a reason, a personal motivation, to help.
Wendy MFT : Could you be more specific, perhaps give me an example of such a situation you are describing, so that I could be of more help to you?
Wendy MFT : As for your second question, again, it would depend on the nature of the helper and the "helpee" and the context of the request for help. It sounds like you may feel a bit uncertain about someone's motives for helping.
Wendy MFT : I look forward to receiving more information from you so that I can assist you more thoroughly.
Wendy MFT : ~Wendy
Customer:

What if you are leaving a restaurant and a staff member helping near the cash register indicates they can help with anything, nonverbally, if you ask they would respond or say something else not related to that. You are walking through town on vacation and pass a popular restaurant where people are entering, and someone on the way in checks to see if you need anything. People you have not met before. The cashier in a store. Is it ever different than that, meaning, done to see if there is trouble? I guess not, but...would that be done to kind of separate from the person, sort of rejection?

Expert:  Wendy MFT replied 12 months ago.
Our chat has ended, but you can still continue to ask me questions here until you are satisfied with your answer. Come back to this page to view our conversation and any other new information.

What happens now?

If you haven’t already done so, please rate your answer above. Or, you can reply to me using the box below.
Customer: replied 12 months ago.

I replied above, not sure you can see it.

Expert:  Wendy MFT replied 12 months ago.
I think I see what you're saying. I am thinking that perhaps you're right, that sometimes when people do what you're talking about, perhaps they are perceiving that maybe something is wrong with a person or there is some kind of trouble. So instead of asking directly: "do you need help?" or "are you okay?" they ask a more general question, like "can I help you with anything?", perhaps even nonverbally.

I am not sure that this would be any sort of rejection. I would think if a person is indicating they can assist you, then I would not take that as a rejection.

I hope this is helpful. Please let me know if I can be of any further help to you.
Customer: replied 12 months ago.

Just to make sure, they would not in your opinion do that as a rejection?


From my writing, does it seem I am different from the "norm" re: relating my ideas and socially relating? Enough to have significant weakness in this area? Thanks. Have never asked that before.

Expert:  Wendy MFT replied 12 months ago.
Hi again. So, to answer your question, no, I don't think that someone would purposely ask you if you needed something and let you know they could help you just as a form of rejection.

In response to your second question about the way you relate your ideas, I don't know that comparison to a "norm" really helps you know if have a weakness or not. I have found that the best indicator of whether or not we have a weakness in a particular area is to observe ourselves and see if what we're doing is causing problems in any of our areas of functioning (school, work, social life). So the question I might ask myself if I were you is: is the way I communicate or express myself interfering with any of my important day-to-day functions or my relationships? As for our interaction, I did have some difficulty trying to understand what you were really asking, and I think its courageous of you to ask for honest feedback regarding that.

That said, I think that being able to discuss things in person can make communication a whole lot easier. A lot is lost in communication when we only do it in writing such as this, or via text or email. We miss nonverbal cues, facial expressions, verbal cues, etc. So, some of the difficulty may be just due to the form of communication we are engaging in.

Let me know if I can answer any other questions!
Customer: replied 12 months ago.

O.K., and do you think that another person would have asked the question differently to a degree where you would choose them over me in this situation, or is it insignificant in this case? Choosing means if you were to compare them, there would be a significant difference you could see and therefore base a choice on it? A choice about which person was better to a significant degree in this situation?


 

Expert:  Wendy MFT replied 12 months ago.
No. I don't think there would be a significant difference. Because everyone is unique in his or her own style, I am choosing to help people the best I can, and just taking them where they're at.
Customer: replied 12 months ago.

Then the other aspect of, beyond that, what you would think if you had to compare, any significant difference even though you help people with your relationship of taking them where they are at? So even though you do things that way, is there a significant difference you can tell, with my writing? Is it positive or negative?

Expert:  Wendy MFT replied 12 months ago.
So, it seems we moved onto another line of questioning. I would be more than happy to help you with your additional questions. However, I really need to close out your original question first. So, if you could kindly do me a favor and rate me on the answer I have given you to your original question, I would appreciate it. Please open up a new inquiry regarding your other line of questioning. Thanks so much!
Wendy MFT, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 16
Experience: 15 years experience counseling couples, families, and individuals.
Wendy MFT and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 12 months ago.

So given that you help people where they are at, can you tell from my writing style in this context that I am significantly different from another person or many others you work with, is it positive?

Expert:  Wendy MFT replied 12 months ago.
I tend to not judge things or people as "positive" or "negative." Rather, I like to put things in terms of: "what works?" And what works for one person may be completely different than what works for another person.

I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be evasive, but I'm not sure if I am answering your question. Your writing style is your own, which by definition is going to make it different from others.

Are you worried about being seen as "different" or "negatively" by others?
Customer: replied 12 months ago.

Yes. Even "lesser" to a degree, and is it significant?

Expert:  Wendy MFT replied 12 months ago.
Significant - in what way? Can you be more specific with your question?
Wendy MFT, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 16
Experience: 15 years experience counseling couples, families, and individuals.
Wendy MFT and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 12 months ago.

Well, is it different or negative or lesser significantly, or only a little? If a group has individual styles which are different, is mine significantly different from the normal variations of that group?

Thanks......................................................................................................................................

Customer: replied 11 months ago.

Referring to question above, is it different or negative or lesser significantly or only a little? If a group has individual styles which
are different, is mine significantly different from the normal variations of that group?

Let me know if this is a good question or if already answered somehow.

Expert:  Angela--Mod replied 11 months ago.

Hello, I’m a moderator for this topic. It seems the professional has left this conversation. This happens occasionally, and it's usually because the professional thinks that someone else might be a better match for your question. I've been working hard to find a new professional to assist you right away, but sometimes finding the right professional can take a little longer than expected.


I wonder whether you're alright with continuing to wait for an answer from a new professional. If you are, please let me know and I will continue my search. If not, feel free to let me know and I will cancel this question for you. Thank you!

Customer: replied 11 months ago.

Can someone else answer it as I refer to the earlier questions? If not, have to close or cancel the question, if so I could wait.


 


 

Expert:  Angela--Mod replied 11 months ago.
We appreciate your patience, your business is very important to us, we are waiting on the professional with the right expertise to come online. Please let us know if you would like us to continue searching for a professional or if you would like us to close your question. Thank you for your understanding!

Best,

Angela


Customer: replied 11 months ago.

I will wait if not closed...

Expert:  Michael Hannigan replied 11 months ago.
Hello. My name is Michael. I see you have been waiting a while for additional information. Of course, what I have to say here is only opinion, and I don't know you except from what you have written in this question, so take my observations as general and not personal.

I tend to be "different" and although I can easily socialize with a group, I wouldn't say that I "fit in", generally.

Your style of asking a question is "different" from many that I see. I rarely encounter questions with such an intensely analyitical quality within a social context. I think being "aware" of how you are perceived by others is healthy and very positive. Being extremely concerned about it could be perceived as negative and in my experience, can have a negative impact. There are people on both extremes and everywhere in between. As I'm sure you have, I have met many people that are not the least bit self-aware, and I've met people that think about nothing but that. I think that striking a balance somewhere in between is the best place to be both inside and out.

I am different in that I am very candid and I say what I feel or what I want to say, and some people don't like that. I don't lack empathy - but unlike many, I think honesty embodies empathy. Since I am like that, I have become accustomed to not being overly concerned with the reaction of others over it. Those that respond positively to me are people that can truely relate to me. I can keep being how I am and by default be surrounded with like minded people.

I have also found that the less concerned I am about how someone else perceives me, the more respect I tend to gain - or at least that's how I perceive it. It is when I have pursued someone's friendship or trust that it has been the most difficult to obtain.

Mike
SQ
Customer: replied 11 months ago.

Thanks, XXXXX XXXXX style is different and you think maybe negative because of the intense analytical quality? Or neutral or can't tell, and if you analyze


the style is it consistent or does it vary with the question? Is it acceptable


to a group or not or can you tell? Can you tell how significant? If this is too many other questions, let me know. I usually don't ask this but it came up, I did OK when growing up but there was a lot going on so did not


think about this issue, only now.

Expert:  replied 11 months ago.
It is acceptable to me or I wouldn't be responding. I find it fascinating in a way. I find "different" to be very interesting. But all people are different. As I said, as likable as I am Laughing, there are people that don't like me. I know that for a fact, and I'm fine with it. If they don't like me, it's their choice... and I'd rather have them NOT like ME rather than them LIKE someone I pretend or struggle to be. Look at it this way - out of all the poeple out there, no matter what you are like, there will be poeple that like you, find you interesting, fascinating. They will gravitate toward you if you let them. If you are concerned too much about a particuar group liking you and you focus yourself completely on that, then you won't see the true friends when they come along.

Mike
Michael Hannigan, Internet Researcher
Category: General
Satisfied Customers: 8124
Experience: Extensive experience in research and problem solving.
Michael Hannigan and 77 other General Specialists are ready to help you

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