How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask A. Schuyler Your Own Question

A. Schuyler
A. Schuyler, Research Analyst
Category: General
Satisfied Customers: 14906
Experience:  30 years in research
3157612
Type Your Question Here...
A. Schuyler is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

If my neighbors have all been here about ten years, and we

Resolved Question:

If my neighbors have all been here about ten years, and we help with neighbor related things and talk when we need to, but do not do things together socially, they are all busy and we have had a few of them over, so have others, not everyone asked back, they don't have company often, one of them I asked to do something socially like we were going to play cards and she did not want to do that. She did not say more, like there were no plans, she did the same with another neighbor. Someone else I knew played bridge and I didn't know how and we were busy and we never kept the relationship up, are these people waiting for other people to be better friends, with them, or waiting for a more solid relationship where they feel favored over someone else and that is cultivated, so there is a "known" underdog or scapegoat in the picture either on purpose or not? I am so familiar with this taking place, and it is so unnecessary, it just causes problems and someone has to leave when they were not that bad and no one's life changes as a result of that. I was afraid they might be waiting for me to be the rejected one, or the lowest one or whatever you want to call it. I have seen people do this and they are used to it and I have seen things go on for many years without that and no one is fully participating until the lowest one is identified then everything is fine. I know there is no purpose to it, but people then give a lot of respect to the ones left in the better position, and everyone respects each other more, they have a reason for it. Is there a way to stop this since before I never needed to participate in that although my situation was that way anyway, I just happened to be accepted and did not pick the one(s) that left,now I want to avoid being rejected...should I establish someone in a weak position with my group, I don't like doing that, I have not played that role. If things are still so loosely defined after all these years is that what it is, that's the only thing I can think of, waiting for that structure to show up with the "weakest" member. But, what can I do? Have I already been rejected, it does not seem that way, yet. Maybe it is and I don't know, but I have talked to them and it does not seem that way. What to do to resolve this?


Or is it that not much effort has been extended, and


the "structure" will show up if nothing is done? Am


I in the weak position knowing I have these questions? The neighbors are well off and popular,


but I think very busy with work, business and kids,


family.

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: General
Expert:  A. Schuyler replied 1 year ago.

Hello,

 

Welcome to the site, and thanks for your question. My name is XXXXX XXXXX I will do whatever I can to try to help you.

 

You wrote "...are these people waiting for other people to be better friends, with them, or waiting for a more solid relationship where they feel favored over someone else and that is cultivated, so there is a "known" underdog or scapegoat in the picture either on purpose or not?..."

 

Naturally, we can't answer about what the people you mention are thinking. They would be the only ones who know what's going on in their own minds.

 

It may be that they don't play cards, they may hvae had other commitments, or they may not have much in common with the other people in the neighborhood other than just living in the same area. In some neighborhoods people just don't socialize outside of just being neighborly. We don't in our neighborhood where we've all lived more than 20 years.

 

"... I am so familiar with this taking place, and it is so unnecessary...Am

I in the weak position knowing I have these questions? The neighbors are well off and popular, but I think very busy with work, business and kids,

family..."

 

You may have been hurt by others in the past, but that really isn't a reason to assume these people are trying to hurt you.

 

You note that they are busy folks with the social commitments they already have. That is probably all that is going on. They may not have time or energy to extend their close relationships to others. That casts no reflection on you at all. It's just that no family can be everything to everybody. It sounds like they already have their plates full.

 

Please let me know what you think.

 

Best regards,

 

Schuyler

ξ

A. Schuyler, Research Analyst
Category: General
Satisfied Customers: 14906
Experience: 30 years in research
A. Schuyler and 70 other General Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

What are the things I need to do so as not to be the


"underdog" or kind of a "scapegoat" in my relationships?


 

Expert:  A. Schuyler replied 1 year ago.

Hi there,

 

No one needs to be part of a toxic relationship. When someone treates you as a scapegoat or underdog, it is time to sever ties with that person. You can try telling them how they make you feel to see if they change, but I wouldn't give them too many chances to change their ways. Life is too short to surround yourself with people who don't contribute to your well-being rather than pulling you down.

 

It's best to concentrate on the few people who are true friends rather than a larger number of acquaintances who don't have your best interests at heart.

 

Wasn't it S. E. Hinton who said "If you have two friends in your lifetime, you're lucky. If you have one good friend, you're more than lucky."

 

Quality counts, not quantity.

 

All the best,

 

Schuyler

ξ

 

A. Schuyler, Research Analyst
Category: General
Satisfied Customers: 14906
Experience: 30 years in research
A. Schuyler and 70 other General Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Ron

    ASE Certified Technician

    Satisfied Customers:

    21440
    23 years with Ford specializing in drivability and electrical and AC. Ford certs and ASE Certs
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/FO/fordguy4u/2011-12-17_222940_HPIM1257.64x64.JPG Ron's Avatar

    Ron

    ASE Certified Technician

    Satisfied Customers:

    21440
    23 years with Ford specializing in drivability and electrical and AC. Ford certs and ASE Certs
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/lyeung1/2010-07-25_032152_tn_IMG_0241.JPG Dr. Y.'s Avatar

    Dr. Y.

    Urologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    18515
    I am fellowship trained specializing in general urology and reconstructive urology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/docjohn174/2008-12-13_170143_johnask.jpg John's Avatar

    John

    Home Appliance Technician

    Satisfied Customers:

    13453
    Appliance repair business owner for over 43 years.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/MU/multistatelaw/2011-11-27_173951_Tinaglamourshotworkglow102011.64x64.jpg Tina's Avatar

    Tina

    Lawyer

    Satisfied Customers:

    8577
    JD, BBA Over 25 years legal and business experience.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/dermdoc19/2010-09-30_160749_Photo_122807_015.JPG dermdoc19's Avatar

    dermdoc19

    Dermatologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3883
    30 years practice in general and cosmetic dermatology
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/BI/birddoctor/2012-6-22_173214_birddoctor.64x64.png Dr. Pat's Avatar

    Dr. Pat

    Bird Veterinarian

    Satisfied Customers:

    3424
    25+ years working primarily or exclusively with birds
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RY/rydergar/2012-6-6_192240_IMG0328.64x64.JPG Dr. Gary's Avatar

    Dr. Gary

    Cat Veterinarian

    Satisfied Customers:

    3346
    DVM, Emergency Veterinarian, BS (Physiology)