My job involves talking and communicating many times over therefore striking conversation is not a problem. I simply find the people I've spoken with have not been conducive to talk with me for whatever reasons e.g.preconceived judgements and prejudices, competitiveness, threatened, complexes,etc.
I have gone to places like workout classes, makeup courses, church events and what I find is that people chat for the time you're there but it's rather superficial. I am used to making friendships with meaning due to being a diplomat's daughter and moving from one place to another at least once every few years.
The most meaningful may be with men who want to know me due to attraction. Other than that, even though I try to be a friend, many find something wrong/don't want to talk anymore.
Thank you for the reply.I think part of the problem may be the arena as you state the people may be the issue, it might actually just be the situation. The other thing to consider is some people are just plain not personable. Some people keep their guard up for a long time when meeting new people, and many people instantly assume things(whether correct or incorrect) about new people simply because its easier for them to label.I will give an example from this past week. I operate a small business in the automotive appearance trade. A great customer of mine, who I have started a friendship(we will call him A) with brought in a friend of his(we can call him B) because we were to quote and restore a vehicle of his. Now after talking with A and (I thought) B for a few minutes, B had to leave, and A was leaving to. I basically said great to see you again to A and expressed my gratitude for his business to B, said "it was great to meet you" - B's response: "OK". He literally said "OK", as I told him it was nice to meet him. So its pretty clear to me that the world really isn't a high percentage place for great friendships sometimes, its just too far out of the realm of personal comfort of heck, even in some cases, simple etiquette to reciprocate. I grew up with a lot of female friends myself, I never had an issue with being friends with some of the women that were initially attracted to me. Though with men, those who may not be secure in themselves, that may be an issue(not with you, with them) in that they are perfectly fine giving up a good relationship of friendship if the other person isn't showing that same attraction. What about taking something from a workout class a step further. Maybe after a class, see if one of the ladies in the class wants to partner up for weight training on a separate day of the week. It would benefit both of you for keeping schedules as well as extra work involved.Another thing is, if you find an opening, just see if someone wants to grab lunch. I really don't think its anything with you, though I think its just the arena you are in and the fact that some people stay IN the comfort(like you are doing) until they have a reason to open up a bit.I am an exercise physiologist by formal education, spent a lot of time in sports and human nutrition and at one point, developed major friendships in my early college years with the guys I used to train with and eat with. It made things much easier knowing we were all on the same page - but of course aside from a few of us, not everyone was comfortable enough to just say "lets go here, a group of males, and get dinner" - everyone would just say "lets get food" because they weren't comfortable enough to change it or even bring it up - though of course they joined in and we ate and trained together. It was a major comfort issue, and until someone showed everyone else it was ok, everyone was a bit hesitant to say something until the ice was broken.
I know it's the arena since I'm a friendly person. A number of men like me since I smile a lot, my eyes apparently brighten up when I see people and I'm nice. I'm not complicated and straight. I have very few girlfriends and the ones who do remain friends are usually confident in themselves.
On the subject of friendzoning and self validation with men. I am married and overall happy - we are tweaking some things in the sex department. There has been a man at work with me who is no way impulsive and seemingly been attracted to me since I started working there. I recall looking up in his direction (not thinking cute/hot/not), he got a glance and for the majority of the year has tried indirect/behavioral assertiveness to 'be close.' For the first 6 months, I was friendly to a limited degree. Then recently, we were in a group and he came over to talk with the guy behind me. He obviously brought up an issue related to my field and the story was pretty much directed at me. I smiled and then laughed at that. From there onwards, he has tried to find ways to talk with me without disrespecting a 'married woman.' In other words, calling my pager (whereas he usually gets junior staff members to do so), trying to find a means to catch my attention, eg staring, standing in clear view of me to get me noticing, coming right next to me when all the other computers are somewhat available but mine is obviously the only one to use...
I've kept all our conversations work related and so has he. However can one friendzone this kind of male?!!