Birgit, Dear, I am in contact with your Guides.
You have several Guides working with you, from birth into this plane, to passing to the next plane. Then you also have Guides who work with you for short periods of time, depending on what your particular needs, or lessons are at the time.
You have a guide working with you now, who is a healing guide. This guide is always around you, using her energy to blend with yours, to encourage your healing. She cannot interfere however without your permission because of your Free Will. However, she can encourage. This healing is not just physical, but it's emotional and spiritual as well.
This Guide is telling me to send her love to you, and tells you, "You feel me there when you light the fire". I'm not sure what that means, whether it's a candle, or a fire in fireplace, or whether you light a match or a lighter, but that's what I am supposed to tell you!
She wants me to tell you, that your virus is making you even more emotionally vulnerable than usual. She says that you are in a place where you are allowing the emotions to flood over you, and take control of all your thoughts. She says to me, that you are looking at every single tiny detail concerning N, and leaving no stone unturned. She shows me a vision of you, in a Sherlock Holmes hat and coat, complete with pipe, as you are looking, looking, looking for evidence. She says you need to stop being an "N Detective" and start looking at the space around you instead. She says that kind of attention to N, and trying to interpret every move, where he sits, what he says, every word to you, every word to others, every facial expression and trying to glean some important truth from it...will drive you bonkers, crazy, unhappy.
She tells me that you are on an important journey. That who you were when you married, is not who you are now. That you have changed. That you have lost part of yourself in your husband and your marriage. You lost a significant part of your "voice" in your husband. Now that you are reclaiming your life, your voice, your personal space, you must be very, very cautious, not to fantasize that a life with "N" would be main source of your personal satisfaction in life. That other internal work must be done before you can even have a chance of being happy in a relationship with another man. She cautions that you are so focused on "an other" (not yourself) that you are at risk for making some very important mistakes regarding your future. Unless you reclaim your authentic self first, no man will ever make you happy. I hope this makes sense to you.
I am also being shown, as a message, knitting, or crocheting, or some kind of yarn work. I don't know if this is you, or another family member, but I am being shown this as a message to you, to remember that you are never alone, and those on the Other Side are always with you, praying for you, encouraging you and watching with you.
Your Guides, your loved ones, myself, only want for you to be happy, and be healed, and fulfill the destiny that you came to live out, and that's the evolution of your own soul. And to that purpose, we are here to serve.