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pdheslin
pdheslin, Consultant
Category: General
Satisfied Customers: 2634
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For Pam Heslin ONLY - Are they having an affair?

Customer Question

Dear Pam I am writing to you for support on a matter now that this the 10th October is coming up. See, in addition to what I have told you already, I want to tell you about a girl at the office, who is N’s closest co-worker. She is very interested in N, too, and has been for a long time. I am sure she knows of my feelings for N. We went to a summer party early June this year and N, the girl at the office + another co-worker went together. The girl at the office had just come out of relationship, was unhappy and became very drunk. She leaned on N the whole evening and N was there for her. Later I have been told by a colleague that they were seen kissing! She knew about N and me and looked jealous all evening – gave me a stiff, unsympathetic stare several times – at the same time jealous about my looks. Not so long ago when I needed help and advice on N I asked this third colleague if she could help me (at this time I did not know what I just told you above). She also knew about N and me and I asked her if she could tell something nice about me to N the next time we were all going out. At first she said yes then the following day she told me that she could not do it since during July, during the summer holiday period, she met them accidently at a café in Copenhagen. She pretended like nothing, went straight up to them and said “hi”. The girl at the office said “busted” while “N” looked away! She told me that she was not sure whether they had had or still could have a relationship, but she had seen them close together at the company party in June (remember he was flirting heavily and playing mind games with me all thorugh August when the girl at the office was on holiday). Earlier on JustAnAnswer I have asked if the girl at the office is just a friend to N or if they are having an affair. The reply was – more than time – that N sees only the girl at the office as a close friend NOTHING else, but that she is very attracted to him. See, yesterday N was VERY forthcoming towards me, VERY interested, joking, talking, asking questions plus for the first time in a long time we were sitting next to each at lunch (yay!) having a really good time which I enjoyed of course. And I thought wow he is back…. . I guess he could sense the new me coming through. However, the whole day, including at lunch time, I did notice that the girl at the office was really jealous. So guess what happens today – which is a pattern I see because this has happened so many times before. N is polite, but certainly keeping a distance as in "not interested".... The girl at the office is rigid, strictly professional and seems extremely jealous even more than yesterday while at the same time all over him. Here we go again. Back to scratch. What is your opinion of all this? Are they having an affair or not? Does she have a hold on him? This may be a wild guess, but is she telling him to back off of me or what? The girl at the office is born 15 March 1974 either in Copenhagen or somewhere very close to Copenhagen. If you can use this. I guess I am asking for a physic reading here and should highly appreciate your advice on this. The reason why I am asking this is of course that I have a plan for tomorrow (this article and telling him something nice), but I do not want to make a fool of myself and definitely not take advantage of a beneficial situation tomorrow. What are his thoughts of me now/at the moment and can I expect him to be more open tomorrow? On a day like this, I find it hard to believe that he is still interested in me and still wants me, building bricks etc. Considering all this (his behaviour today) I may be better off by letting go of him.....I know this sounds like self-pity, but I would like to know what you can come up with on this? Many thanks in advance & best wishes Birgit P.S. I will look out for you later today for an answer.

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: General
Expert:  pdheslin replied 1 year ago.
If you want to let go of him, and that thought brings you some peace, by all means, let go. The choice is entirely yours, you need to choose and act based on your own gut feelings and whatever you are comfortable with. I can't help you with the actual decision making process. All I can do is help you see what's under the current, that most people can't obviously see, and hopefully you can make a more informed decision with the additional information.

I've meditated and connected into his energy about this other woman. Here are some things that I see. Some of this seems conflicting, but that is human nature:

At a time when he was still stinging from a bad break up, she was able to cheer him up, and encourage him to feel attractive and desirable. She listened, and he unloaded all his anger about the other woman on her, and she was a sympathetic ear, like a good friend. But she also threw him some compliments and built up his ego, thinking that was how she'd win his heart. That's how he connected in to her, she fed his ego at time when his ego was bruised and he was feeling very low. Over the summer holiday, he thought he'd try dating her, just so he wasn't sitting home alone, but I don't see that it worked out in a way that he was comfortable with. This is why he turned away when your coworker discovered him. It wasn't a relationship he felt comfortable "going public" with.

At the same time, for him, it's just a flirting game. He knows that she is not the type of woman he'd settle down with, for if she was, he'd have done that by now. As long as she's willing to play the flirting game, he is too because it feeds his ego and it's all in "fun" for him. But not for her. She'd love to him as her own, but she knows it's not going to happen any time soon. However, she "keeps her ear to the ground", looking for signs that this might change. This why she sees you as a threat to any possible future she might have with him. She does NOT have a "hold on him". He doesn't see her as anything but a friend - we say here in the states, "a friend with benefits" meaning, a non-committed friendship where they have sex. But I also see that the sex is not happening since the summer holiday, because he told her in no uncertain terms, that he's not "ready to settle down." What he left out was, "with you."

I need to advise you again, don't get your hopes up about tomorrow. You two are still "new friends" and you need to completely build that before you try to take it anywhere resembling romantic. He sees you as not ready for that yet. He sees himself as not ready for that yet. Tomorrow - friends.

If any of this does not make sense, please, please let me know and I will elaborate.

Much love,
Pam

He still loves to have your positive attention. It also feeds his severely bruised ego. He's only willing to go so far at this point. He is not willing to have public displays of affection towards you (or her) in front of co-workers. He
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Pam Thx for All this - so they did have an affair and they did have sex. I just knew it. I have alsobhad a hunch that it is over or they agered it was not smart since they are working in the same team.
So where does hé stand between mé and her? I understand that I should not keep my hopes up for tomorrow but whatelet about my hopes in the long run and want about his? The Way I see it hé has not forgiften about mé at All? Toddy a friend of mine told mé that I should ask him about this to get to peace with myself but now I dó not need to A's you gave mé the answer. She also told mé that hé is not interested in a Girl like the Girl at the office since she is All over him hé wants a mature and Independent woman and most probably the Girl at the office Will put her foot into it? I dó not - whatelet donyou reckon my chances are now? Pls also answer the other questions. By the Way I Think I am getting the flu so I Will not gonto work tomorrow - whatelet about the article? Love Birgit







Expert:  pdheslin replied 1 year ago.
Hi Pam Thx for All this - so they did have an affair and they did have sex. I just knew it. I have alsobhad a hunch that it is over or they agered it was not smart since they are working in the same team.
Yes, and yes. I see they were physical...but oddly enough I do not see the entire act completed. But that's a small detail, as I get the energy that they were phsyically intimate. And yes they decided it was best to put a stop there, because of work.

So where does hé stand between mé and her?

He is not comparing the two of you, but you are. You are an individual, and the man has a past. She is part of his past, just like the other woman you know about. And there were a few before that as well. The only difference is that this "ex" is in your environment and the others aren't. Don't compare yourself to her. He doesn't.

I understand that I should not keep my hopes up for tomorrow but whatelet about my hopes in the long run and want about his?

No change darling. I don't see any reason to give up completely at this point. One step at a time. What's that word again....? Patience. Kiss

Toddy a friend of mine told mé that I should ask him about this to get to peace with myself but now I dó not need to A's you gave mé the answer.
No, no, no no no....do NOT ask him about the other woman. First off, you don't have a "right" to ask him about her, you are not his girl friend (yet). And secondly, you will put him on the spot and make him very uncomfortable, because how does one sum up a relationship like that in an honorable way, respecting the girl's privacy as well? No, not the time to ask him.

She also told mé that hé is not interested in a Girl like the Girl at the office since she is All over him hé wants a mature and Independent woman and most probably the Girl at the office Will put her foot into it? I dó not - whatelet donyou reckon my chances are now?

Same as before, you are at step 1 of aXXXXX Don't talk or think in terms of "chances" which implies a destination. You are not focused on the destination, remember? You are enjoying the scenary of the current journey.

Pls also answer the other questions. By the Way I Think I am getting the flu so I Will not gonto work tomorrow - whatelet about the article?

Oh no! Honey and lemon and lots of liquids! I had the flu last year, (first time in years!) and it kicked my behind! Must be my age (low 50's) I'm going to get the flu shot this year. Please DO take care of yourself. Now about how this affects tomorrow? You can send the article or hold off, it doesn't make much of a difference. Remember, you're not doing it to get a "reaction" out of him, that would be controlling and that only brings about unintended consquences or unmet expectations. You're doing it to help him. Give the article him and then release the outcome to the Universe. R

elax and breathe dear Birgit...we need you healthy, lol :) Keep repeating to yourself outloud (when no one is around)

"I am lovely Birgit and a wonderful loving relationship is coming to me, and I wait patiently while it does.
"
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

You are so kind and sweet Pam - thx for the tip on the honey and liquid and again for your honesty - that is what I really like about you. Saying it the way things are - In my country (Denmark) we say Let's call a spade spade. Sometimes it may hurt though, but it is better to know the truth.

I see, you still believe I stand a chanceKiss

I know you cannot make any decisions for me and I would never ask you to - you inform me, you send me messages from the guides - and by now I trust the voices of the guides. One evening last week I had a good, but strange feeling as if someone told me relax and get hold of my thoughts but in a good way ;0) Really odd.

Yes I am on a journey. My feelings for N will not just disappear over night. At the same time I am curious to see where this thing with him goes. I will try to be patient and also enjoy the scenery let alone ignore the girl at the office who presumably is out in the cold as she was not patient (I should be saying things like this - but I just did).

Last but not least - I will not confront him with anything. My opinion as well. Would not do me any good. Plus you are right about his ego.

One last comment then I will rate and pay you Lots of Love Birgit

 

P. s Do you know what he told me at the summer party - we were talking about him and me and the fact that I was in love with´him - he told me that he could have anyone he wants - he would not do that to me since he respects me too much - he also told that I am very pretty and lots of other stuff... like him and me were hot - lots of strange things happened that evening.

 

Expert:  pdheslin replied 1 year ago.
Well, one thing he does not lack is confidence! It's true, he can have almost any woman he wants -- he can't have me, HAHAHA! - just a joke there. Cool

Yes, we say the same thing here, call a spade a spade, say it as it is. That's the way I am for better or for worse. I trust people with the truth Innocent

Yes, I feel that she pushed him too much, and he didn't like that, and that he told her straight out they would not be "a couple".

Hang in there Birgit....:)

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I agree - while waiting I started thinking about certain dates you gave mé in an earlier post. 1) what if we dó not get in physical proximity by 13 Novenber? If I cannot "use" the 10th October then when Will the next ideal time be for him and mé to sort of encounter? And you Said something about a full moon starting 25th October lasting until early November. What does that mean? That I should keep a low profile and keep communication at a min. Or at least not flirt? Can you come up eith any other good dates - final questions - promise I Will top with a bonus. Thx a lot again Pam for your kindness Birgit
Expert:  pdheslin replied 1 year ago.
Then yes, you wait. Those dates are not saying, "it's going to happen" -- they aren't predictions. They are dates where it is optimal to start a new phase. If it doesn't happen then, the look to the new moon of each month.

Here's a good resource:
http://www.calendar-365.com/moon/moon-phases.html

Stay away from full moons - they bring endings. So if you're trying to end a bad habit, start it on a full moon, the energy helps endings. See how that works?
pdheslin, Consultant
Category: General
Satisfied Customers: 2634
Experience: 20+ years of internet site creation and search engine optimization. Dozens of search tools at my disposal.
pdheslin and 128 other General Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Yes I know ;0) I will wait ;0) Thx a lot for the link - this is really super - you have really been a sport tonight - take Care - I Will go to bed and see if I Can get rid of that sickness - talk to you another day Lots of love Birgit
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Hello Pam - Where are you - I posted you a new long questions - I really need your help - Love Birgit

Expert:  pdheslin replied 1 year ago.
Yes dear...I'm reading and looking into the energies around this....

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