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pdheslin
pdheslin, Consultant
Category: General
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For Pam

Resolved Question:

Such drastic mistakes. Can't get BB out of my head. What is going on with my life?

Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: General
Expert:  Josie-Mod replied 2 years ago.
Hi, I am a Moderator for this topic. I sent your requested Professional a message to follow up with you here, when they are back online. If I can help further, please let me know. Thank you for your continued patience.
Expert:  pdheslin replied 2 years ago.
Hello Lynne!

Yes, you CAN get him out of your head, and it starts with the "self talk" of saying, over and over if you need to, "I am a beautiful and loving human and I need no man to verify that for me. "

It's not HIM you're thinking of and addicted to, it's that your beliefs tell you that you need a man in order to be happy. He treated you horribly. You can't love someone who is not behaving in a lovable manner.

You CAN do this Lynne!
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I know I can, and a long time ago, you told me he would crush my heart if I gave it to him, well, I did, and he did. He wants to remain friends, and I don't think it's a good idea, but he (bobby) I believe, is still trying to keep me as a plaything. Pam, it's hard for me to not carry my feelings with me. My husband is smothering me ever since I went back. It's not me who needs watching. How do I tell bobby that I need to stop. I have not seen him in a very long time. I don't know how long I will live here, who knows, maybe the husband will eventually lose his trust issue and things will be better. I have got to stop "playing" with all of this, but I am having trouble and getting confused. Thanks Pam.
Expert:  pdheslin replied 2 years ago.
You tell Bobby, "I care for you, but this relationship is not healthy for me. I must ask that we have no more contact with each other."

And then YOU have no more contact with him. You block his number, delete him from Facebook, mark his email as spam. YOU make sure that the boundary is UP.

Lynne, this not a matter of what's "right or wrong". It's a matter of what is healthy. It's not healthy to allow your mind to drift to thoughts of him.

Your husband knows at an inutive level whether you are emotionally present with him or not. He may not say so, but that's why he does things that you identify as "smothering". To him, it's just "love". We have the "Golden Rule" about how treat each other, "treat others the way you want to be treated."

But your husband is not following the "Platinum Rule" which is, "Show love to others in a way that THEY want to be loved." You have to tell your husband, how to show love to you.

BUT FIRST.... you -- YOU - -- have to eliminate Bobby from your life. You have to get in control of your thoughts and when you're temped to think of him, ask yourself, "What feelings am I trying to medicate with thoughts of Bobby?" He's your drink, your drug, but what are you trying to escape from, that you think Bobby is the cure?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
You are right. Time to do the right healthy thing and let him go. I always am so gullible. This whole crazy mess is because of my own insecurities. I am always looking for the " better life", and perhaps I should be looking at making THIS life better. Only I can do that. Bobby only makes me crazy, literally. Time to clear the clutter again. I am glad you are here. You always help, always. I will get rid of my dirty laundry and refresh myself. I will certainly keep you posted and I thank you again Pam. My hero!
Expert:  pdheslin replied 2 years ago.
Been there, sista. I have my own "Bobby". And let me tell you how good it feels to be free of that "pull". You'll see things differently once you get some space.

Not a mistake, no regrests. You're learning about your strengths, and weaknesses. You're learning to improve your own judgment and sense of control.
pdheslin, Consultant
Category: General
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Experience: 20+ years of internet site creation and search engine optimization. Dozens of search tools at my disposal.
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