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Michael Hannigan
Michael Hannigan, Internet Researcher
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Hi Michael. I have asked you a few questions last spring.

Resolved Question:

Hi Michael. I have asked you a few questions last spring. Here is my situation right now.

I am sitting in teacher jail since 3/1/12. I know of six women who have been promoted and I just keep on getting demoted. My skills are on par with them or even better. I have worked for my school district for 26 years and my former principal wants to dismiss me from the district.

I have a meeting scheduled for 10/16/12 @ 2:30 p.m. How will the meeting go and will I be able to remain employed?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: General
Expert:  Michael Hannigan replied 2 years ago.
Hello. I remember our conversation.

Who is the metting with? Do you know the content/context of the meeting?

Mike
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Yes. The meeting is called a "Suspension Appeal Meeting," case # XXXXX


 


On April 18th, I was charged with: six Notices of Unsatisfactory Acts, a 15- day suspension without pay and intent for dismissal from the district.


 


I had a week to respond to these charges, which I did. Now, the ball is in the district's court and they have asked to meet with me on the 16th of October. I will have the opportunity to present my side of the story in 30 minutes.


 


Originally, I was going to attend this meeting with my attorney, but she said that I should save my money and go into the meeting with a Union representative. She said that if I wanted to have her there, she would have to rearrange the date and time of the meeting. I felt discouraged after hearing that because she knows, as well as I, that the Superintendent wants all the rubber room teachers out and he is not negotiating any settlements.


 


One day, some of the Union representatives, came into the rubber room and said that they know that what they are doing to us is not right and they asked us to fill out some forms. I asked several questions, and no one seems to know anything. They said that 99 teachers were dismissed last year and 122 teachers resigned. However, there were 853 teachers pulled from schools last year. I asked, what happened to the other 600 teachers and they said that teachers are coming and going all the time and that the district doesn't tell them anything.


 


I find that hard to believe. A retired union lady came in to talk to us as well. She says that she gets called in to help once in a while. I asked her several questions, and I don't think that she liked me very much. In fact, the way I feel these days, is that the whole world doesn't want to have anything to do with me. I just want to stay home and keep to myself.


 


This retired woman sent me a letter with her signature on union letterhead asking me to confirm my attendance at this meeting. I called her a couple of times and we connected today and she said that she will be representing me. There will be a male administrator, who is Asian, and a lady from Staff Relations, who is Caucasian. The Union representatives and myself are both White. I don't know why I am telling you this.


 


These people do not know me and I have never worked with them before. There is a female Hispanic administrator, who I remember. She ran the Title 1 Coordinator meetings about 10-12 years ago within District #4. I always ask a lot of questions so she may not remember my name, but she will recognize my face. I was a hard-working Coordinator and I felt that she has a positive recollection of our prior interactions. This woman will not be in attendance during this meeting.


 


I have organized all my paper work and am working on a statement for this meeting and I am also trying to finish my narrative. I know that they will not want to look at anything that I will bring with me, however, I just want to show them that I am prepared, and that this meeting is very important to me. The district has already sent me a letter stating that my case for my "alleged misconduct" is being sent to Sacramento. The California Teaching Commission will determine if I can keep my credential or not.


 


I am in a lot of emotional pain and I don't feel supported from my husband and my sons. I feel very alone with this and do not know who to turn to. I was thinking of contacting a former principal of mine who is now the Director for Academic Operations and works in the Office of the Deputy Superintendent of Instruction.


 


I am afraid to ask her or anyone for help because she has a family to support and being associated with me will put her in a precarious situation and I don't want to put her or anyone in that kind of situation.


 


My work life was very important to me because my marriage and social life are basically non-existent. My sons, who are highly gifted, have Asberger's and High Functioning Autism, as well as ADHD. They take medications for this. My husband and my sons are cold to me and the only affection and love that I had was from my former students and their families. My teaching stuff is still at my former school site and I have told the administration about this. So far, I have not been contacted about moving my boxes out. I do not know if I should inquire about moving them or wait and see. No one has said anything about my boxes. The thought of moving terrifies me because I have a lot of boxes and this is a lot of physical work. At my former school site, I must have moved my boxes about a dozen times in 15 years. That is why I am dreading it so much. I know that once I have some closure on my case, I will be able to deal with these boxes. These boxes reflect years of work, sacrifice, and regret.


 


I hope that you can provide me with some insight.


 


Sigi

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Mike,


 


I am a little confused. I responded to your question, but it looks like it has to go into this box. I will just paste my response again here.


 


Thanks.


 


Yes. The meeting is called a "Suspension Appeal Meeting," case # XXXXX


 


On April 18th, I was charged with: six Notices of Unsatisfactory Acts, a 15- day suspension without pay and intent for dismissal from the district.


 


I had a week to respond to these charges, which I did. Now, the ball is in the district's court and they have asked to meet with me on the 16th of October. I will have the opportunity to present my side of the story in 30 minutes.


 


Originally, I was going to attend this meeting with my attorney, but she said that I should save my money and go into the meeting with a Union representative. She said that if I wanted to have her there, she would have to rearrange the date and time of the meeting. I felt discouraged after hearing that because she knows, as well as I, that the Superintendent wants all the rubber room teachers out and he is not negotiating any settlements.


 


One day, some of the Union representatives, came into the rubber room and said that they know that what they are doing to us is not right and they asked us to fill out some forms. I asked several questions, and no one seems to know anything. They said that 99 teachers were dismissed last year and 122 teachers resigned. However, there were 853 teachers pulled from schools last year. I asked, what happened to the other 600 teachers and they said that teachers are coming and going all the time and that the district doesn't tell them anything.


 


I find that hard to believe. A retired union lady came in to talk to us as well. She says that she gets called in to help once in a while. I asked her several questions, and I don't think that she liked me very much. In fact, the way I feel these days, is that the whole world doesn't want to have anything to do with me. I just want to stay home and keep to myself.


 


This retired woman sent me a letter with her signature on union letterhead asking me to confirm my attendance at this meeting. I called her a couple of times and we connected today and she said that she will be representing me. There will be a male administrator, who is Asian, and a lady from Staff Relations, who is Caucasian. The Union representatives and myself are both White. I don't know why I am telling you this.


 


These people do not know me and I have never worked with them before. There is a female Hispanic administrator, who I remember. She ran the Title 1 Coordinator meetings about 10-12 years ago within District #4. I always ask a lot of questions so she may not remember my name, but she will recognize my face. I was a hard-working Coordinator and I felt that she has a positive recollection of our prior interactions. This woman will not be in attendance during this meeting.


 


I have organized all my paper work and am working on a statement for this meeting and I am also trying to finish my narrative. I know that they will not want to look at anything that I will bring with me, however, I just want to show them that I am prepared, and that this meeting is very important to me. The district has already sent me a letter stating that my case for my "alleged misconduct" is being sent to Sacramento. The California Teaching Commission will determine if I can keep my credential or not.


 


I am in a lot of emotional pain and I don't feel supported from my husband and my sons. I feel very alone with this and do not know who to turn to. I was thinking of contacting a former principal of mine who is now the Director for Academic Operations and works in the Office of the Deputy Superintendent of Instruction.


 


I am afraid to ask her or anyone for help because she has a family to support and being associated with me will put her in a precarious situation and I don't want to put her or anyone in that kind of situation.


 


My work life was very important to me because my marriage and social life are basically non-existent. My sons, who are highly gifted, have Asberger's and High Functioning Autism, as well as ADHD. They take medications for this. My husband and my sons are cold to me and the only affection and love that I had was from my former students and their families. My teaching stuff is still at my former school site and I have told the administration about this. So far, I have not been contacted about moving my boxes out. I do not know if I should inquire about moving them or wait and see. No one has said anything about my boxes. The thought of moving terrifies me because I have a lot of boxes and this is a lot of physical work. At my former school site, I must have moved my boxes about a dozen times in 15 years. That is why I am dreading it so much. I know that once I have some closure on my case, I will be able to deal with these boxes. These boxes reflect years of work, sacrifice, and regret.


 


I hope that you can provide me with some insight.


 


Sigi

Expert:  Michael Hannigan replied 2 years ago.
Sigi. I think that you will do fine regardless of the specific outcome if you can find peace within yourself. You must do that, so you can honestly be above the petty backstabbing taking place constantly, or you will go insane. You are not a peace right now - you have a great deal of bitterness and resentment toward many people. You're thinking more about all the others involved than you are of yourself. If you don't think you are doing that, re-read your messages. There is very little about you in your thoughts. Don't play their game. It's do or die.

You MUST be firm with the Union Leaders and, assuming you have been a member for many years, you must INSIST to them that they do something to stop it. You can no longer play the victim because it hasn't worked. Not the victime of the administration and not the victim of your family. Don't consider your family to be your husband and your children on one side and you on the other - because if that's the truth, then you have to consider what their saying and evaluate that.

However, based on what little I know about Asberger's, Autism, and ADHD, your sons are not at fault. Symptoms of these disorders are primarily social inabilities like not pick up on social cues and or they may lack inborn social skills, such as being able to read others' body language, start or maintain a conversation, and take turns talking. They almost always appear to lack empathy. They don't recognize subtle differences in speech tone, pitch, and accent that alter the meaning of what others are saying. So your child may not understand a joke or may take a sarcastic comment literally. So it will not be the job of your sons to provide you with support - they don't have the cognitive skills to get to that point - but it is your job to be a mother to them and take strenght from the fact that you have taken care and loved two boys who, through no fault of their own, cannot return those things to you that make a human feel good. They can't show appreciation, or support, they can't show empathy for your situation! That's very important. If you think about that, empathy is what you are looking for - for others to try to feel what you are feeling. And there is a significant possibility that your sons' ability to do that is impaired or non existent. But it doesn't mean they don't love and support you - they may not have a way to show it, and just because they can't don't let someone else, like their father, or anyone "interpret" their feelings toward you and your situation. They cannot adapt to your situation and give what you want from them directly. You must adapt to theirs and understand them deeply enough to understand that they do support you, whether they express it, ignore you, tell you the opposite - these things don't mean to your children when they do to you or me. So, PLEASE don't write off your sons. You should have even more passion for your sons and helping them to "feel" than you should about anyone else's kids that you've taught. Be careful of avoiding "not seeing the forest because of the trees". Your sons need your love - you may get nothing back from it from their conscious behavior, but that doesn't matter. I don't want to hear you telling me that your life is non-existent when your kids need an altruistic mother more than most kids out there. Charity begins at home, and if you don't find those things close to you, you won't have positive results with the backstabbers. You have to be genuninely as outwardly kind as you want others to be with you. This means kindness to your family first and foremost - not referring to them as "non-existent". In your story about your career, how mad (or even hurt) would it make you to feel that some of those people in the school system refer to you as "non-existent".

You also spend a great deal of time with - I might even say pre-occupied with - the gender and race of all participants.

"In fact, the way I feel these days, is that the whole world doesn't want to have anything to do with me. I just want to stay home and keep to myself."

That's not going to work. I don't hang out with people I don't like or who are always negative. I don't frequent the desk of those that are always saying how bad something is.... and for the few that have heard these stories for years... they need a break too. What I'm saying is that you have to give back - and that giving back could be through being someone else's friend. Standing up for someone else, listening to someone that needs to talk to someone, and try to bring joy to THEM. Try to bring joy to your sons. I don't know your husband, but if you are with him he can only be so bad. Bring joy to him - even if he's a miserable !@#$%, bring him some joy. Make it a point not to say anything negative around them - talk about them if you can. Take an interest in this woman who will be representing you from the uniion. Talk to her and about her life if she wants to share it, but also demand respect. You won't be going home or hiding in a coner, or anywhere talking about your sacrafices, years of work, regret, torchure, betrayal. Why? You know this by now. Nobody wants to hear it - it eather depresses them, too, or they think you must have done something really bad for that to happen. So, no more of that. And don't be so dramatic. Let's face it, if you have to move boxes, it's not the end of the world... nor should it be on your mind at all. This is one of those things that you would think of if you are TRYING to think of negative things. Your boxes? If you don't get fired, you're all set. If you DO get fired, you'll have plenty of time to collect your things and hey... if you get to that point, there's no more being polite. I'm not talking about being mean - but once you have nothing left to lose (IF that happens), that's when, let's say you have a 3:00 appointment at a school to pick up your things... that's when at 3:01, you say "I was told to be here at 3:00" and be silent. ( and looking at their forehead right above their eyes in the center - it is a psychological trick that will make them feel like you are dominating them) you wait for a response. What turns out to be 30 seconds later (but will feel like five minutes), the preson gives you some excuse and you say "I was told to be here at 3:00, it's now 3:03. I'll start collecting my peronal property at 3:10 so they still have a few minutes to come through. And you basically keep that person busy with your problem for that 10 or 15 minutes until it is resolved. You need to start coming out on top and as the person in control. And ANYONE can do that if they have the courage. Sure, it takes a great deal of courage to make a statement, especially if there's a handful of people, and then stay silent untill someone else studders out a response because they can't stand it.

A lot of these things take courage. By 10/16 you will be well practiced at taking control being a victim will be the furthest thing from your mind. You've done some things wrong? Maybe ... I have no idea, I've made mistakes, but the heck with that already - you personally are moving forward and you'll have a future, and if they want a piece of it, you'll give them one more chance not to screw it up. You are going to show up on the 16 - in control, and positive, and prepared to say to the most official officials and highest of high ups that you "GD sick and tired of this crap and you aren't taking it any more". Call out names... things evil people have said in private that you can blurt out to embarrass them... not in a petty way... in a matter-of-fact way... you control the situation so that people are looking to YOU for the next word. Don't be afraid to outline your stellar success in previous years in teaching. You will make people WANT to be around you and share your success. People don't like sharing misery, but they're different people when they are sharing the joy of your success.

And if it isn't in the school system there, it will be somewhere that doesn't suck a couple of years out of your life and play with it like silly putty. Sigi, I will give you the secret to having that power on the 16 of October. By that day, you have the knowledge to know you have done everything you can do to affect decisions in your favor, you have the insight to know what things aspects you cannot change, and you have the wisdom to know the difference. If you can honestly say this to yourself on the 16th, then the weight of the word is off your shoulders. The other peice of this - what is the absolutely WORST thing that can happen on the 16th (I'm not talking about slipping down a slope of muck here... just fact).? It might be getting terminated immediately, it might be something else - up to you to decide. What is the WORST thing that could happen that day, and "Am I willing to accept it". Or maybe more appropriately, am I capable of accepting it. If you can say YES to that, then the power is in your hands. I've often said this, but what I've said at the end here is the very process that allowed me the courage to agree to take my mother off of life support. Without knowing if I had done everything I could and that I couldn't do the things I can't... and knowing what they are, along with the worst case, on eather side of the decision... and it's the only way I could have come to the conclusion that dying would be a better decision than sufferring and then dying. I made the decision through her eyes. I cry about it still today, but I know I did the right thing... I've re-thought it a number of times through her eyes, and I get the same decision every time. I didn't decide hysterically - I decided based on sound reasoning, and immediately, others in the family (although I am the youngest) came to me asking what to do next. Very sad times, but everything is a learning experience.

Mike
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Hi, Mike,


 


Thanks for your response.


 


In terms of my state of mind, I waiver from being strong one day to feeling overwhelmed the next. That is happening to me on all levels, mental, physical, and emotional. Whenever I get a letter or information that reminds me of what may be inevitable, it upsets me; I am not a robot.


 


In terms of my sons, I was the most loving and giving mother. I sacrificed a lot for them, and if I had to do it again, I would. I worked full-time when they were little and the minute I got home, all my attention went towards them, creating a growing chasm between my husband and I. I am not saying that it was good or bad, that is just what happened. I wish it didn't turn out to be that way, but it did.


 


The dynamics in our family are unusual. I don't want to get into so much detail, but the Regional Center provides services for children who are Autistic, even high functioning ones. The Center pays for a person who helps us with taking care of our sons. The problem is that this person is a friend of my husbands's from the time they were at UCLA.


 


When I first met him, he rubbed me the wrong way. In fact, he was not even there at our wedding. When we purchased our duplex, he moved into the lower unit. After work, my husband, would go to his place and talk about his day with him before he spoke with me. I was upset. I wanted to move away from him so that he would not be in our daily lives. I told my husband that I did not want to live in the duplex and we started looking for a house.


 


His friend never graduated, worked in the entertainment industry, got let go, tried writing, but really has nothing to show, for all the years. His father would give him a check every month. I don't respect the fact that his father had to help support him.


 


We had different helpers come and go, but, I guess my husband talked to him about was going on, and he said he would be happy to help. I really had no choice about this because I had to work full time and I was desperate for help.


 


Over the years, my husband treated him for dinner once a week. At first, it was okay, especially when the boys were younger. Now, it makes me sick that a 60 year old expects for us to treat him for dinner on a weekly basis. My husband is cheap when he goes to the market, and could buy a better quality of food, but with his friend, he is not. His friend also rents an apartment in our duplex and has been paying rent at a much lower rate than what we could be getting. My husband says that he takes care of the place and it is worth it. I have tried to stay out of it.


 


What my husband doesn't see, is how he has meddled into our lives and is a permanent fixture in our home. He has the keys, he does what he wants in the kitchen and acts as if our duplex is his duplex. I have told my husband and his friend that they have no boundaries and some things are meant to be kept private. This guy would hang around the house for hours because he was never married, had no kids, and is alone.


 


They have gone up to San Francisco many times. My husband does not give me any attention and he is cold towards me. Why should I be subjected to this kind of behavior? I rather be alone than be with them. Yes, this is painful, and as you can see, I have made many sacrifices for my children, as has my husband.


 


My husband's friend has been a part of my household for ten years. He connects to the boys, but when I was working 12 hour days, he took over my position as "mother" and "wife" in the household. They would confer about things and I was just told what was going on. It was very stressful raising my sons, working with unruly kids, being in a household with 4 controlling, dominating men, having some principals who were harassing me, despite being the hardest working teacher at school, and may I say, the best.


 


So, when you say, why do you sound like they are against me, well that is how it was. Now, because I am forced to be home more than at work, the tables are turning and I am fighting to regain my place and position in the household. This has not been an easy thing to do.


 


As a result of being under constant stress, I developed hypothyroidism, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes type 2, depression,etc. I was hospitalized with pneumonia, was addicted to anti-anxiety medication, was hospitalized because I had a pancreatic attack after my second pregnancy, went to rehab, and have been struggling with my weight. I am no longer the person I once was.


 


I had begun to lose weight, take less meds, and started feeling pretty good about myself when I was finishing up the coursed in my EdD program, when all this came crashing down on me. I know that this was a wake-up call, but this has has shaken me up to the core. Then, my father got really sick and had three surgeries within three months' time. He is now doing better.


 


I am under a lot of anxiety since I have been pulled out from the classroom. I have learned a lot and do research whenever I can. I do and not want this situation to give me a heart attack. I am also going through perimenopause and it is not fun.


 


My husband and our aide would travel to San Francisco with the boys. I could not deal with the stress. My oldest has terrible table manners and just being around my husband is stressful enough. I would stay home, clean the house and work on my doctoral program. I needed the peace and quiet and was content to have my home clean. I am tired of cleaning up after everyone.


 


My youngest loves the aide, and showers him with all the love and affection he has, whereas I get called "Sigi" from my son. My husband and his friend would talk shit about me even within my own home. I had to put a stop to this abuse and I had to fight for my rights as a mother and wife of the household.


 


I told them that if they want to talk about me, they had to do it outside the house and to stop bad mouthing me in front of my children. My husband was very mean to me and my kids modeled his behavior. The aide would say things that were very inappropriate to me and my husband did not side with me. Part of the problem is that my husband is hard of hearing, and when you age, the hearing loss gets worse.


 


My husband shows no love or affection towards me, I think he is high functioning autistic, but was never diagnosed. I am his second wife; his first wife left him after 8 months. My husband treats me like an employee and his interest in staying in the marriage is a financial one. I am okay with the fact that he can never change, but I insist that he treats me with respect. If he does not love me, that is okay, too. I just want him to leave me alone.


 


It has been difficult to have even gotten this far. I feel that I have two husbands who are judgmental and critical of me. Now, that my sons are 20 and 16, they take their father's side on everything. My sons when they were little, were attached to me like glue. For ten years I could not leave the house, because they wanted me to be around the entire time. Well, ten years is a long time, and the person who I used to be, started changing. I felt like I too, did not want much of a social life because my husband is not generous to me and would stress me out so much when we invited people over. He fought with me about every thing. I got to the point where I said to myself, I want a peaceful household more than anything else, so I gave up a lot of who I was so that my children's needs, as well as my husband's came first.


 


The union does nothing to help teachers. They offer help when you are on the way out. This is too late. The union and the district and the district sleep in the same bed and they are only interested in keeping their own jobs. Teachers are treated like crap and live in fear. No one is willing to put their necks out on the line. Job security is a thing in the past, and the district can get 2 teachers for the price of one. Well, when I worked in the classroom, I worked for two.


 


I have always tried to be kind to others, in fact, I probably was too kind. I always had the best interest in mind towards family, friends, colleagues and students. When your entire reality is removed from your existence, you do begin to question, why me, why now?


 


I am trying to get meaning of what all that has taken place and I know that this is part of God's plan and design. The chances of all these events to come together the way they have, is unique. I am trying to make these obstacles into challenges that will be overcome. This takes a lot of energy.


 


I am going to be prepared, I will have my statement ready, and I will come into the meeting and take out all of my files, computer, iphone, etc. just to make an effect. All I want for these people to see, is that I mean business and I will not allow them to treat me like a punching bag. If they still want to dismiss me, than I will tell them, to not call me when there are not enough irreplaceable and high quality teachers for the students.


 


My eldest is majoring in Mathematics and History at UCLA and is writing his Honor's Senior Thesis with Dr. Mary Yeager, who is married to the actor, XXXXX XXXXXthgow. He has been working on a project since he was 10 years old. He is writing a seven book novel about a fantasy world that is based on the principles of Math and Physics. He has gotten a lot of positive feedback and has immersed himself in this project.


 


My younger son, who is taking 4 AP classes is involved in a computer game with other kids who live all over the world. He did some voice over acting and helped with refining some of the visuals. The game has come out for PC's and he is waiting for the Mac version. He said that they are going to do some testing for the game. He doesn't tell me too much about it. Sammy is also in a gaming club, chess club, and robotics club at school. He doesn't study and does the minimum with his schoolwork. My husband and I did well in school, and we were competitive. Sammy is not that competitive, and if he just studied, he would ace everything. His mind is on these computer and video games.


 


I am proud of my sons and they are basically good kids. I guess my expectations are too high. Being a woman is difficult, because your hormones can get the best of you.


 


I just want for things to work out and I will not tolerate being bullied


anymore. I want to protect myself and my family from harm's way.


 


Sigi

Expert:  Michael Hannigan replied 2 years ago.
That's understandable. You also sound quite a bit more positive than you were in your previous message - it sounds like you are being pretty objective in talking about the events of your life. And I'm glad to hear you talk about your sons like that - you actually sound very proud of them and they really seem to have a lot going for them. They didn't get there without guidance, no doubt.

Your husband who you say has a live-in friend that he treats like his "wife", takes to dinner, and spends time with in San Francisco is very odd. Do you know why they go to San Francisco specifically? Do these things, all in the same context, imply anything to you?

BTW, being a man is difficult, too! Tongue out

I think that you will be fin in the end. There is a lot of time between now and then. Use it selfishly to mentally prepare for what will certainly be a stressful day, and you'll be in control what happens at the end of it.

Mike
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

My husband goes up north with his friend an with the boys. He helps my husband because my sons were quite a handful when they were younger, as they mature, they are kind of calming down.


 


Yes, I have told them that they look like a pair of gay parents with the kids. They know that it upsets me, but they don't care. My husband needs to get away and he does not want to go alone. I have stayed home because I need a break from all of them.


 


No, they do not have a sexual relationship, but I used to think that way as well. My husband does not really like to be touched, at least by me, and my sex life is pretty much non-existant. I don't believe in divorce, either. However, if someone did come into my life, I would think about going on my own, but I do not think I will ever get married again. It is just too stressful.


 


I have had my crushes but I do not act on them and opportunities have arisen. I just don't start. I know that change is inevitable and as long as you are alive, there is hope.


 


I reach out to people when I am upset; that is why I sounded so negative because I was! I think just expressing it made me feel better.


 


In terms of your mother, I know that you did all you could for your mother. I don't know what your mother was sick with, but if she was in a lot of pain, you did her a favor. I think the greatest gifts that you can receive from the universe is life and death. I know when the time will come for my parents to leave this world, I did the best that I could for them. I will be sad, of course, but I will feel glad that they are back home. I have experienced several unique, spiritual events personally, and I know that our souls move on, and the universe is our playground.


 


With every death, a new life is born, so be happy, your mother is is a good place. I believe that God communicates to us through other people and you were my angel today.


 


Thanks,


 


Sigi

Expert:  replied 2 years ago.
That's really nice... thank you so much. It's funny... or you're funny actually. When you are at the end of your rope in terms of being angry and frustrated, you express total dispair and your personality doesn't show through at all (first message in this thread), but then as it lifts, your personality shines through. You've gone from where I was almost afraid to answer you because I didn't want to say the wrong thing and upset you, to someone who is genuinely kind and who can maintain a pretty good underlying sense of humor (which is what gets me through many things). I don't know if you realized how funny (on many levels) one of your statements is - "Yes, I have told them that they look like a pair of gay parents with the kids. They know that it upsets me, but they don't care. My husband needs to get away and he does not want to go alone. I have stayed home because I need a break from all of them.", but that's definitely quotable.

You've gone from sounding like a person I'd want to walk wide circles around (no offense. I've been like that, too), to someone who seems like they'd be great fun to be around! So I have to agree that expressing your situation was cathartic and seems to have lifted a lot of weight from your shoulders.

And thank you for the kind words. It's very nice to hear something like that. I really appreciate it.

Mike


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Expert:  Michael Hannigan replied 2 years ago.
Sigi, please dont forget to rate my level of service. That's very important for me, since it's the only way I will get credit for helping you. Thank you!

Mike

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