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Norman M.
Norman M., Researcher, Lecturer and Psychotherapist
Category: General
Satisfied Customers: 2568
Experience:  ADHP(NC), ECP and UKCP Registered.
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MY husband and I have been seperated for 3 years but we have

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MY husband and I have been seperated for 3 years but we have been getting along together for the past several months but he wont move back home.
Can I ask you for some more information, please?

Why did you separate in the first place?

Have you asked him why he won't return home?

That would help me to answer your question.

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Dear Norman,

I have fibromyalgia, depression and tinnitus. Hind sight 20/20 he was having a hard time dealing with it and was starting to become hostile. Then both of us were hostile toward each other. He is living with his mother and I hate to blame her but she really is enabling him. I may be just trying to rationalize. Both of us have calmed down and we have been getting along really well for the past several months. We have been married 25 years, 3 sons, and 3 grandsons. I think the longer he waits to move back the harder it will be. It is starting to get embarassing. We have been to counseling. I am the one still unsettled. thanks for your time. Sharon

Sharon - what kind of counseeling did you have, and are you neing treated for depression?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Dear Norman,

I received marriage counseling. But she saw us seperately, which might be okay but it turned into a tattle tale treatment, he said, she said. I am being treated for depression, I am manic depressive ( bipolar, I like manic depressive better). I was in the hospital for a week. I think that is what opened my whole family's eyes and it has been a lot better. I just wish I could get my husband to move back home.

Sharon - this seems as if there is no easy solution.

Can I make the comment that while from your point of view, his mother is enabling him, she would say she is just supporting him. I hate to keep asking you questions, but have you asked him to retun home, and if so, has he given you any reason why not?
wonder if you would care to provide the information Iasked for to help answer yor question?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Dear Norman,

I appreciate your time and effort. This all started when I having chronic pain,

At first he was very supportive and loveing. Alll the sudden he started getting mean and impatient with me. I was having to take a lot of pain meds, which no understands. They I was drug seeking. But I was determined to find out what causing my ear to ring (which alone was making me depressed). I was starting to numb and tingly in my hands. It got to where I talked my hands went numb. I had persistant migraines that would not go away. This is all leads up to everyone is giving up on me and I guess they think you have a time limit to be sick and I just should be over it by now. This is where his mother comes in, she made Vince like he was entitled and whatever I had I just needed to get over it....Anyway Vince gave up on me, started getting mean, and I told him he should go stay with his mother a couple of days. The worst mistake I have made. We have been like that ever since. Finally the doctors narrowed down my problem to TMJ and a tumor in my right ear. It is much more under control. I have asked my husband over and over to move back. He doesn't answer why he wont. I am started to get frustrated. Especially as great as we have been getting along.

I rather suspect that he is afraid that if he moves back in, he might revert back to his old ways, and that he needs the time out from your health issues that living with his mother gives him. I think time,gentle persuasion and avoiding discussing you health issues to much when you are with him will do the trick.

Some people are simply not equipped to handle illness.

I do hope you get better soon, and that he sees the light!
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