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SpecialistMichael
SpecialistMichael, MS, CSCS
Category: General
Satisfied Customers: 507
Experience:  Senior Information Specialist
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how do i get back my confidence after being rejected by the

Resolved Question:

how do i get back my confidence after being rejected by the same guy twice?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: General
Expert:  SpecialistMichael replied 2 years ago.

FitnessSpecialist :

My name is XXXXX XXXXX you available?

FitnessSpecialist :

Are you with me?

Customer:

hi

FitnessSpecialist :

Hi there

FitnessSpecialist :

what type of issues are you having with the guy who rejected you?

FitnessSpecialist :

and actually - what was the correspondence to indicate it was a "rejection" of sorts?

Customer:

he is wird

Customer:

weird

FitnessSpecialist :

how so ? Just awkward socially?

Customer:

he is very attractive and girls are all over him

Customer:

but yea he is awkward

Customer:

never talks or even says hi to no one but me and he is all the time where I am and smiles at me and stares

FitnessSpecialist :

Sounds like he must be used to getting attention

FitnessSpecialist :

and almost "expecting it"

Customer:

he knows my schedule to well and he seamed like he liked me

Customer:

so on his birthday I inocent me tried to give him a birthday hug

FitnessSpecialist :

and what was the response to the hug attempt?

Customer:

he said he couldn't he was talking to some one else

FitnessSpecialist :

Well in the grand scheme of things, if he is indeed seeing someone else, it is appropriate to other wise respect that

FitnessSpecialist :

eventhough hugs in the bigger picture are relatively innocent

FitnessSpecialist :

he may view that as a little much for him, or perhaps while in a relationship

FitnessSpecialist :

what type of relationship at work do the two of you have otherwise?

Customer:

ii didn't talk to him for niine monts avoided him as much as i could

Customer:

during that time he fallowed me every where with a sad look on his face like he was sorry

FitnessSpecialist :

I can understand how that feel a bit "weird" to you

FitnessSpecialist :

:)

Customer:

no other relationship other than work

FitnessSpecialist :

keep talking, im listening

FitnessSpecialist :

ok well what is the interaction like at work?

FitnessSpecialist :

is it strictly work? Or did you ever talk about outside work activities?

FitnessSpecialist :

was it a bit like a friendship?

Customer:

he confused me i thought he was whit some one and he continued fallowing around I tried to be more friendly but he was looking at his feet . before the hug thing

Customer:

after the hug and after the 9 months avoiding him i decided that i should just be a normal coworker even though i was hurt

FitnessSpecialist :

That is a little strange to me

FitnessSpecialist :

i think he is probably used to people wanting to be around him

FitnessSpecialist :

i think he probably wants that continued attention

FitnessSpecialist :

it sounds like when you were giving him the attention (whether he liked you or not) that was playing into what he was used to and wanted

FitnessSpecialist :

there is a possibility he is seeing someone or is in a relationship but still wants what he is used to getting, from attention and so forth

FitnessSpecialist :

there is also a possibility he does sorta like you but is not acting on it because he is seeing someone else

Customer:

months passed and we started flirting a little but he wouldn't make a move so i started flirting with another guy , he saw me and got super pissed

Customer:

next thing I know the new guy I was flirting with was gone

FitnessSpecialist :

well that immediately tells you he is playing a game

FitnessSpecialist :

if he cant be straight with you

FitnessSpecialist :

and he is going to basically try to get your attention but then act the way he did when you gave him attention

FitnessSpecialist :

when he gets upset it tells you his "plan" isnt going the way he wanted to

FitnessSpecialist :

he wants attention, but sounds like he likes the control of the situation knowing a nice girl at work likes him

FitnessSpecialist :

and when he loses that, he tries to almost "punish" by getting mad

Customer:

so i got tired off his bulshit and I asked him if he was just being polite with me or something else

Customer:

i knew what he was going to say i was prepared

FitnessSpecialist :

ahh very good

FitnessSpecialist :

good

FitnessSpecialist :

and this was he said "I am seeing someone else" ?

Customer:

he said POLITE THEN i SAID WELL THEN DON'T RUN INTO ME AT ALL NOT AT MY BRAKES NOT ANY WERE

Customer:

I'm tired of his games and i want to get rid of him

FitnessSpecialist :

ok so we can start here

FitnessSpecialist :

i think your concerns are getting your own confidence back in regards XXXXX XXXXX acting this way

Customer:

yes good

FitnessSpecialist :

is this correct?

Customer:

yes

FitnessSpecialist :

So obviously you are limited to what you can do at work right? It s not like you can tell him to leave

Customer:

he made me fel stupid and unwanted and frustrated

FitnessSpecialist :

right

FitnessSpecialist :

well its pretty clear he is playing games

FitnessSpecialist :

he wants attention from everyone

FitnessSpecialist :

but acts like a child when he doesnt get attention

FitnessSpecialist :

i think there could always be miscommunication but since you asked him and he responded

FitnessSpecialist :

its clear he is trying to have his cake and eat it too

Customer:

yes he would be even more anoying this week

Customer:

i just tod him

Customer:

told

Customer:

sorry

FitnessSpecialist :

the best way to get rid of him, while building your confidence back is basically to ignore him

FitnessSpecialist :

outside of work its important to do things to make you happy whether that is hanging out with friends, meeting new people, just doing things that you KNOW you enjoy

FitnessSpecialist :

at work itself

FitnessSpecialist :

the best thing would be to completely ignore him and his games

FitnessSpecialist :

let him follow you, let him stare at you

FitnessSpecialist :

make sure you don't look his way

Customer:

ignore him like not even look at him he is very persistant lasted ( moths buging last time

FitnessSpecialist :

make sure that you show your confidence, even if you have to kinda put on a bit of a front

FitnessSpecialist :

yep

FitnessSpecialist :

exactly

FitnessSpecialist :

pretend he doesnt exist

FitnessSpecialist :

because its clear hes not going to do anything

Customer:

ok

FitnessSpecialist :

give him the opposite of what he wants

FitnessSpecialist :

he wants you to care

FitnessSpecialist :

wants you to look

FitnessSpecialist :

wants you to acknowledge

Customer:

i don't want to care

FitnessSpecialist :

and YOU KNOW that by doing this, it makes you feel crappy, right?

Customer:

yes

Customer:

is hard when you like someone that couldn't give a rats ass about you

FitnessSpecialist :

i agree

FitnessSpecialist :

and there is a chance a couple things could be going on

FitnessSpecialist :

but to be brutally honest

FitnessSpecialist :

paying him no mind

Customer:

i know i have to doit

FitnessSpecialist :

is going to show him you don't care

FitnessSpecialist :

and really

FitnessSpecialist :

think about it

FitnessSpecialist :

if he acts like this - do you really want to be in a relationship with that?

FitnessSpecialist :

if a female was like that with me

FitnessSpecialist :

i wouldnt be playing games

Customer:

i'll doit dang

FitnessSpecialist :

thats really good

Customer:

I'll ingnore the crap out him

FitnessSpecialist :

what i think you will find is that he will probably get that pouty look on his face

FitnessSpecialist :

let him act like a kid

Customer:

he did today

FitnessSpecialist :

show him that you have no interest in a man that acts like a little kid

FitnessSpecialist :

i would even try to not even look his way

FitnessSpecialist :

if you see him in the hall or walking

FitnessSpecialist :

keep looking straight ahead

FitnessSpecialist :

pretend like even though you see him in your periph, that its like hes not even there

Customer:

I don't want to have anything to do with him

FitnessSpecialist :

go about your daily work as normal

FitnessSpecialist :

if you have to walk by, lock your eyes on the wall away from his direction

FitnessSpecialist :

and keep walking

FitnessSpecialist :

talk with other people, literally like he doesnt exist

Customer:

it was just a fantasy I wanted but he is just not what i expected

FitnessSpecialist :

i hear you on that

FitnessSpecialist :

i think we can both imagine how he would act in a relationship

FitnessSpecialist :

and really if he is in a relationship and acts like this with other women in the workplace - then thats not something you need for a relationship: an attention seeking immature kid? no thank you

Customer:

i don''t like him I like his body with another personality :P

FitnessSpecialist :

hahah

FitnessSpecialist :

too many people like that in world

FitnessSpecialist :

so anyway back to you

Customer:

I know

FitnessSpecialist :

i think by doing this, since you already know you dont want anything to do with him

FitnessSpecialist :

over the next couple of weeks you are going to feel MUCH better

FitnessSpecialist :

i think just the satisfaction of making him realize how much of a child he acts like is probably going to make you feel so much better

Customer:

tank you for listening to my sapy story

FitnessSpecialist :

it wasnt a sap story

FitnessSpecialist :

you needed confirmation that this guy was a baby

FitnessSpecialist :

and wanted to make sure you did the right thing

Customer:

33 year old baby

FitnessSpecialist :

indeed

FitnessSpecialist :

i have run into the same

Customer:

no way

Customer:

some people don't grow up just old

FitnessSpecialist :

truly.

FitnessSpecialist :

so just so I know youre good, what are you going to NOT do on monday

Customer:

ok tanxs again

Customer:

not to even look at him

FitnessSpecialist :

right

Customer:

bye,bye

FitnessSpecialist :

and you go about your day, interacting with everyone as normal

FitnessSpecialist :

please remember to rate my time with you :)

Customer:

sure

FitnessSpecialist :

I am here if I can help you further just reply back ok ?

Customer:

ok

SpecialistMichael, MS, CSCS
Category: General
Satisfied Customers: 507
Experience: Senior Information Specialist
SpecialistMichael and 117 other General Specialists are ready to help you

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