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pdheslin
pdheslin, Consultant
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Pam, today I feel like I don,t know where to turn, very confused,

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Pam, today I feel like I don,t know where to turn, very confused, am I kidding myself about this relationship,I really love this man, can you tell me what kind of future it will be with him, does he want to change, will he seek help if I insist, will we ever be married, if so will it work. I don,t know if I can walk away,I was broke up with him for 18 months and was so empty, I wouldn't,t even date anyone else. Please give me some hope if you can. Thanks
My dear, I'm sorry you're feeling this way. If I could reach out and hug you, I would, and not let go.

We talked about what your ultimate goal was before. You seemed to agree that if a stable carign relationship with somone who could share emotional intimacy was your goal - this was not the man who would do that for you.

You're not cut out for this, and that is not a bad thing. You are not a therapist, mother, saviour, super hero with skin that's 6 inches thick. You're a woman, a human, and one that deserves the very best that anyone has to offer.

I know you feel you love this man, but a person is not behaving in a lovable manner cannot be loved. You feel emotionally attracted to him, but darling, that's not love the way you'd define it to a daugher or sister or best friend. You're getting nothing from this relationship.

Just because you felt you wouldn't date anyone else for that time you were broken up, doesn't mean you should be with him. It means you didn't give yourself proper time to heal and change your attitude about healthy boundaries.

If you stay with him, you're settling for less than you deserve, and less than what you want. If you stay with him, or break up and still allow him to fill your thoughts, then are not making any room for your own self love or anyone healthy to come in.

He's never going to change. But you are, and that's incredible and wonderful. Give up what you feel might be "good" someday, so that God can give you something "Better" today.

Much love,
Pam
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