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Michael Hannigan
Michael Hannigan, Internet Researcher
Category: General
Satisfied Customers: 8296
Experience:  Extensive experience in research and problem solving.
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Yes, did you get my message i just sent a while ago?

Resolved Question:

Yes, did you get my message i just sent a while ago? I want you to know that this guy really respects me, uses manners, cooks for me, i met his parents, daughter and grandsons, says he's enjoying getting to know me, he doesn't call or e-mail too often(not into it much) so that too was making me wonder how into me he is, we have known eachother for 2 months now.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: General
Expert:  replied 2 years ago.

XXXXX XXXXXnigan :

Hello. I can assist you with your question.

XXXXX XXXXXnigan :

That sounds MUCH more healthy than most people getting to know each other!

XXXXX XXXXXnigan :

Things sound like they are great where they are. If he wasn't into you, you would never have met his parents and other family members - no way.

XXXXX XXXXXnigan :

It sounds like you are in a healthy place right now.

Customer:

Thank-you so much for replying

XXXXX XXXXXnigan :

You're welcome

XXXXX XXXXXnigan :

Thanks for asking

Customer:

I had a hard time getting my reply to get back to you so if you lose me that's why. So you really think it's healthy?


 

Customer:
Customer:

Being that he has been married 3 times and single now for 12 years, do you think he may have a trust issue or scared?


 

XXXXX XXXXXnigan :

Wouldn't you?

XXXXX XXXXXnigan :

:-)

XXXXX XXXXXnigan :

But that's healthy.

XXXXX XXXXXnigan :

He's learned a LOT by being married 12 times.

XXXXX XXXXXnigan :

He wants to get it right this time, that's all

XXXXX XXXXXnigan :

I'm sorry!

XXXXX XXXXXnigan :

3 times! Not 12.

Customer:

Good point. I on the other hand was married for over 36 years to my husband until he


passed away. totally different.

Customer:
XXXXX XXXXXnigan :

I understand.

XXXXX XXXXXnigan :

This is good though... because YOU are the kind of person he is looking for.

XXXXX XXXXXnigan :

That's one of the things he likes about you. If he's been married 3 times, then meeting someone who has been in a 36 year marriage calms the nerves a bit.

XXXXX XXXXXnigan :

Make sense?

XXXXX XXXXXnigan :

Still there?

XXXXX XXXXXnigan :

Please remember to click accept.

Michael Hannigan, Internet Researcher
Category: General
Satisfied Customers: 8296
Experience: Extensive experience in research and problem solving.
Michael Hannigan and 116 other General Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Michael Hannigan replied 2 years ago.
What Happens Now?

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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
i can't get it to reply to your answers i try to click rply and it doesn't send it to you and I am logged in
Expert:  Michael Hannigan replied 2 years ago.
Did you click accept or rate my performance? If so, try refreshing the page.

Mike
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I'm sorry...Do I need to be on ther chat page to refresh? Not real good with computers yet. Thank-you for you help. Your answers are really helpful to me.
Expert:  Michael Hannigan replied 2 years ago.
This question has changed from chat. But since you have a subscription, you can rate my answer here, and then open a question in chat with me directly here:

XXXXX XXXXXnigan
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I was told that at my age (55) a guy having you meet his parents and family didn't mean anything...Is that really true? Also he is known not to return his calls right away or e-mail too often..should I feel rejected if he doesn't call me. I guess i always thought if someone is that interested in you they had a hard time going without calling you. Your advice is being so helpful to me!!
Expert:  Michael Hannigan replied 2 years ago.
Meeting the parents always means something. But even more meaningful is meeting the kids. People don't introdruce those they don't trust to their children. Having a hard time going without calling you is called "infatuation", and sometimes "obsession". I'm not saying that I think it's abnormal in any way, just that I think this man knows that "infatuation" doesn't interest him - he's been there before and his behavior in this respect is admirable.

Here's something counterintuitive, but true. If you call him a lot, he'll call you less frequently because you're showing that you are basically "always available". By the same token, you can bring someone to the point of desparation by calling them less frequently (as you already know - from the other side). So as much as you want to call him, don't. Let a day or two go by - go nuts or whatever, but don't call him. He'll call you and ask you if something is wrong. Just say something like "why? Oh, no... I was just really busy. What's up?.

If you can do that one little thing, things will become clearer for you and surprisingly, give you more control. You can't make him feel one way or the other, but you can find out more about what he's feeling, and nudge him in the right direction. Remember, we always want what we can't have. To a point, the less accessable you are, the more the other person wants you. Case in point - yours... and every other relationship on the planet.

Mike
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I guess I don't understand the infatuation part. The thing is I don't call him. I may write a short e-mail to him every other day. I told him I have wanted to call him but knew he was very busy and he said I could. I have but I don't. Sometimes I think we both are trying to not push the other away. I was glad to hear that meeting his daughter was an important step.I really am trying my best to not push him in anyway. Is he waiting on me and I'm waiting on him. Are we both being too careful? Who moves first and what are the signs he is getting more serious about the relationship? What do I do? You have been so helpful Michael. When he first said he was interested in me more than just our music, he ask if he could call me the next day because he didn't want to be a pest. He called the next day but doesn't call too often now.
Expert:  Michael Hannigan replied 2 years ago.
Music? That's what brought you together?

The point I was making about not calling applies to regular emails as well. Don't be so regular about things. Don't ask him if you can call - just call. If you send him email every other day, skip a day. Don't give the impression that you are counting the time until your next contact - in fact you shouldn't be. This guy could be the most intersting guy on the planet (got that from a commercial), and a phone call isn't going to mess up his busy day, so you don't need permission to call him. We're all extremely busy

The only person I've ever talked to that I would agree was too busy to take a phone call for an entire day (in his case, it was even longer - three full days!), is the person I met who holds the Guinness World Record for treading water - 72 hours. That's a true story - odd, but true. If he's not doing that, he has time for a phone call - and if he is in the middle of setting a world record, or flying an airplane or something, he can choose not to answer.

You're right - don't push him away. The most important thing you can do is continue to have the other aspects of your life with as much importance as you did before knowing him. He is only potentially a piece of your overall happiness in the future. Don't lose that perspective. That's what infatuation does.

In any case, don't sell yourself short, don't seem like you're waiting for him or it will look like you are waiting for him. If you both like music, - or anything - forget about the emails and the phone calls - find something fun that you can do together, set it up, and do it. That's a lot more engaging for both of you and a lot better way to move through the intial stages of a potential relationship - on the phone all you have is your voice - you need "supporting actors" - environment, an event, etc, so you don't feel like a spotlight is on you every time you communicate. Just think enjoyment. Everyone likes enjoyment!

Mike

PS... first moves, etc - you can't plan that, so don't try. You need to relax and act as natural as you can. Remember, what attracted him to you before he mentioned something more serious is the person you were before he mentioned it. Don't change.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Wow!! Great advice. Gave me something to surely think on. it must be infatuation on my part some because we do sing together and practice together at least once or twice a week. We have our first singing engagement in June. So I should just focus on our music, enjoy getting to know him better and the time I do spend with him, relax, be myself and just let nature take it course? Right? Try to take it one day at a time and enjoy the moment? If it's meant to be it will. I'm not going to e-mail as often like you said or call. Gos Bless You Michael.....THERESA
Expert:  Michael Hannigan replied 2 years ago.
You are exactly right! Yes! That's the person he asked to get more serious with, so you can't go wrong that way.

Infatuation happens to everyone, with people, sometimes hobbies, places, etc. It's human nature. It's irrational by definition, and although it feels pretty good, you're in a heck of a lot more control if you recognize it and keep it in check. You're a smart lady, Theresa... and actually, your last response to me sounds like you just changed to an easygoing, funloving, naturally nice person! I mean, you're the same Theresa, but two different personalities come across clearly in your previous responses compared to this one. So yes, you are spot on. This is the Theresa that intrigued him and who he really enjoys being with. AND, if you practice with him at least once a week, you get to keep tabs on him no matter what!

Let the infatuation bring spontinaity. If your both laughing about something give him a hug and a smooch. Yes, Theresa, I think you've got it!

Mike
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thank-you. just one more thing if you don't mind. we are having sex. One night he just held me and we didn't. There is a chemistry/attracttion between the both of us. Does this change anything? I couldn't remember if I told you that or not. he did agree once that I was the type of girl he would take home to Mom. he also said at one time....usually when a girl spends the night he can't wait to get her out the door but he wants me to stay until he has to leave for work. is all this a good sign for me? I am still going to take your much APPRECIATED and HELPFUL ADVICE!!!!
Expert:  Michael Hannigan replied 2 years ago.
You hadn't mentioned that before, but it's all a huge plus, in my opinion. In fact, I think you have nothing at all to worry about!

Mike
Expert:  Michael Hannigan replied 2 years ago.

Please remeber to indicate whether I've been helpful, either through the rating system, or by clicking accept.

Mike

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi, It's me again. I hope I don't become a pest but you are in my opinion the BEST!!!! I told you this guy was married 3 times and single for 12 years now, well I notice he brings up his past marriages often as his failures and mistakes. And also talks about how he has been single for so long. he e-mailed me this morning, called me a sweetheart, thanked me for dinner and the good sex but he also added because of his past failing marriages and being single for so long sex has not been in his life much. Here's my question.............Is there anything I can say to him when he brings this up again to help him? I mean he must blame himself and has never been able to forgive himself. I really want a relationship with him but it's not fair to me if he's going to let the past stand in the way of his future. Do you have any suggestions please? Thank-you
Expert:  replied 2 years ago.

I am going to get into hot water because I'm not supposed to answer so many times under one question. Would you mind Accepting here, and then going to my link to open a new question?

XXXXX XXXXXnigan

Mike

Michael Hannigan, Internet Researcher
Category: General
Satisfied Customers: 8296
Experience: Extensive experience in research and problem solving.
Michael Hannigan and 116 other General Specialists are ready to help you

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