Did you click accept or rate my performance? If so, try refreshing the page.

Mike

This question has changed from chat. But since you have a subscription, you can rate my answer here, and then open a question in chat with me directly here:

XXXXX XXXXXnigan

Meeting the parents always means something. But even more meaningful is meeting the kids. People don't introdruce those they don't trust to their children. Having a hard time going without calling you is called "infatuation", and sometimes "obsession". I'm not saying that I think it's abnormal in any way, just that I think this man knows that "infatuation" doesn't interest him - he's been there before and his behavior in this respect is admirable.

Here's something counterintuitive, but true. If you call him a lot, he'll call you less frequently because you're showing that you are basically "always available". By the same token, you can bring someone to the point of desparation by calling them less frequently (as you already know - from the other side). So as much as you want to call him, don't. Let a day or two go by - go nuts or whatever, but don't call him. He'll call you and ask you if something is wrong. Just say something like "why? Oh, no... I was just really busy. What's up?.

If you can do that one little thing, things will become clearer for you and surprisingly, give you more control. You can't make him feel one way or the other, but you can find out more about what he's feeling, and nudge him in the right direction. Remember, we always want what we can't have. To a point, the less accessable you are, the more the other person wants you. Case in point - yours... and every other relationship on the planet.

Mike

Music? That's what brought you together?

The point I was making about not calling applies to regular emails as well. Don't be so regular about things. Don't ask him if you can call - just call. If you send him email every other day, skip a day. Don't give the impression that you are counting the time until your next contact - in fact you shouldn't be. This guy could be the most intersting guy on the planet (got that from a commercial), and a phone call isn't going to mess up his busy day, so you don't need permission to call him. We're all extremely busy

The only person I've ever talked to that I would agree was too busy to take a phone call for an entire day (in his case, it was even longer - three full days!), is the person I met who holds the Guinness World Record for treading water - 72 hours. That's a true story - odd, but true. If he's not doing that, he has time for a phone call - and if he is in the middle of setting a world record, or flying an airplane or something, he can choose not to answer.

You're right - don't push him away. The most important thing you can do is continue to have the other aspects of your life with as much importance as you did before knowing him. He is only potentially a piece of your overall happiness in the future. Don't lose that perspective. That's what infatuation does.

In any case, don't sell yourself short, don't seem like you're waiting for him or it will look like you are waiting for him. If you both like music, - or anything - forget about the emails and the phone calls - find something fun that you can do together, set it up, and do it. That's a lot more engaging for both of you and a lot better way to move through the intial stages of a potential relationship - on the phone all you have is your voice - you need "supporting actors" - environment, an event, etc, so you don't feel like a spotlight is on you every time you communicate. Just think enjoyment. Everyone likes enjoyment!

Mike

PS... first moves, etc - you can't plan that, so don't try. You need to relax and act as natural as you can. Remember, what attracted him to you before he mentioned something more serious is the person you were before he mentioned it. Don't change.

You are exactly right! Yes! That's the person he asked to get more serious with, so you can't go wrong that way.

Infatuation happens to everyone, with people, sometimes hobbies, places, etc. It's human nature. It's irrational by definition, and although it feels pretty good, you're in a heck of a lot more control if you recognize it and keep it in check. You're a smart lady, Theresa... and actually, your last response to me sounds like you just changed to an easygoing, funloving, naturally nice person! I mean, you're the same Theresa, but two different personalities come across clearly in your previous responses compared to this one. So yes, you are spot on. This is the Theresa that intrigued him and who he really enjoys being with. AND, if you practice with him at least once a week, you get to keep tabs on him no matter what!

Let the infatuation bring spontinaity. If your both laughing about something give him a hug and a smooch. Yes, Theresa, I think you've got it!

Mike

You hadn't mentioned that before, but it's all a huge plus, in my opinion. In fact, I think you have nothing at all to worry about!

Mike