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Tyler, Professional Researcher & Musician
Category: General
Satisfied Customers: 5801
Experience:  B.M & M.M.. Skilled at in-depth research. Former police officer.
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I am trying to search for my father. I sent a message via Facebook,

Customer Question

I am trying to search for my father. I sent a message via Facebook, to someone who I think is his daughter asking if she knew this man (I didn't say my father), with a few details of his origins. She has written back confirming those details, but now asks how I am related to them.

I don't want to cause a rift in their family, in case his children and wife know nothing about me. I'm not sure how to proceed. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: General
Expert:  Tyler replied 6 years ago.
Hi, and thanks for your question.

You are wise to take the proper steps in approaching this. It sounds like you might have found the right person through his daughter. It sounds like the best thing to do at this point is to let the daughter know that you're a somewhat distant relative of his, perhaps a niece. Come up with a concise story regarding your history with him as "his niece" that would make it plausible that you had a connection in the past, fell out of touch for years and now you wish to get reacquainted. Don't get wordy or explain too much (untrue details could be found out), just give her enough so she doesn't get defensive. Ask for his email address or a phone number where you can call him. Remember that people don't like to give much personal info out these days so be sure to come across as trustworthy rather than one looking to find out personal details. It would probably be better to ask for an email address. You ultimately want to communicate with who you think is your father rather than his daughter, so don't use her as a go-between, just a step to get a little bit closer to your goal. I think you are right to keep things to yourself in regards XXXXX XXXXX family at this point. Hopefully this will give you an opportunity to find some other things out! Best of luck to you.

Please let me know if I can help you further by pressing REPLY. If this answer is what you were looking for and has been helpful to you, please click ACCEPT. Leaving me positive feedback at the end of our communication is really beneficial to me. If you have any reason to leave less than positive feedback, please reply to me so I can help you until you are satisfied. Thanks again for coming to Just Answer and have a great day!

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Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Thank-you for the advice! It's just finding the plausible story that is the problem now, as I don't know any of his family to say that I am related to. I guess saying a daughter of his cousin may be OK. I will definitely be using the rest of your advice though.
Expert:  Tyler replied 6 years ago.
Glad to help, and thanks for the accept! You might not want to say you're related to anybody in particular, you might even just say something like "well it sounds like this is who ism looking for--could I have his email address so I can contact him? I'd really like to catch up!" You could also say you remembered him from your childhood but aren't particularly sure how you're related. I have to post this again as an answer but you needn't click accept again as it will charge you a second time. Thanks!