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Cher
Cher, Educator-40+ yrs
Category: General
Satisfied Customers: 18957
Experience:  M.A., B.A., Author, Senior Informational Specialist
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That was a very intuitive answer your effort was very obvious

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That was a very intuitive answer your effort was very obvious to me. Was I fair in renumination?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: General
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi again, and thanks very much for your accept and your reply.

I'm glad you found my answer helpful and it was my pleasure to help. You were very fair in your remuneration, and I thank you. I also thank you for your positive feedback and I would be happy to discuss this with you further.

You can reply with your additional thoughts, here, when you're ready, and I will reply when I am next online, which should be tom'w, early afternoon.

I look forward to hearing from you.
Cher

Edited by Cher on 11/28/2009 at 9:37 AM EST
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Yes please whatever you want
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi again,

I just edited my earlier answer, after reading your feedback. I need to sign off for the night, now, so please let me know some of your ideas/additional questions, and I'll address them tomorrow (well, today), in the early afternoon when I log back in.

Have a good night.
Cher
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

A couple of things I was independent at 17, paid for my own University and have maintained constant employment as a Petroleum Engineer for 28 years. I do not have a close relationship with my parents and never thought of my kids missing me but that explains a few things about their reaction when I said I was going , are you coming? It was much nicer than that but same meaning. I am completely petrified of moving across town on my own, but running away to the other side of the earth seems easier now. Yes my wife and I are not getting along, lots of details but I drink too much. It always seems to work out for me and I am not happy sober. Anti depressants wrecked the only thing I like better than drinking. A company sponsored dry out is in order but it feels like prison so I was hoping to cheat and do on line therapy. If I can show my wife there is a future she will join me, but I don't want to make false promises either. I kind of hoped she would go ‘ooh Oz I'm in' but apparently she has had enough. So dry out clean up and go to Australia and not drink?? Beers with the boys I can fake but wine country?? Or stay here not drink and be unable to pay for University. Swell choices. K you logged off. 2 most important things to me, traveling or at least working all over the world especially SE Asia and Australia and my kids. To complicate things when I married my wife the agreement was no kids and travel the world and no camping. I kept my part she never was asked to camp. She said OK I can change him. Our girls are wonderful and I love them so much but instead of pouting and thinking when is my time maybe I missed it and getting sleepy. So buck up deal what you have forever or do what you dreamed of. Retirement is out of the question after all this I will be working til I die. Believe me I know I have it better than some but it is all relative. Shit I have the easy answer I'll write it on my hand and see if you get it. I am just hoping you can put it in a way I will believe it and follow through. I'll type my blunt answer elsewhere and paste it unedited after you reply

Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi again, and thanks for your detailed reply and your patience.

I think the most important thing is to deal with the drinking problem and try to stop or be able to curb it. I know stopping does not happen over night, but if you hook up with the right group (do you have AA in Canada?), and have the desire to stop, I think you should be successful. It sounds like you might not want to stop, but at least to be aware of how much you've had and know what to limit your intake to, this will be the beginning of helping yourself and making a difference. I'm sure you realize the drinking is adversely affecting your physical health, too, and you want to be around for a long time, with your daughters!

I've understood all your inuendos and believe you've been working hard since a very young age. You've sacrificed a lot to be a good provider for your family and feel this is 'your' time, and have always dreamed of traveling, so the thought of Australia now being available for you, through your job, is very tempting. Your wife thought she could change you, but that never really happens. You are the man she married. Marriage is a compromise and we all 'change' a little when we vow to spend the rest of our lives with a person we love. I understand at first, you felt 'this isn't what I signed on for', when you had children, and that really wasn't in your plan; but I know you love them very much, and want to give them the best you are able to.

Not everyone is fortunate enough to get what they dream of and many people just do live their lives with what they have and feel they have missed opportunities, but you can't live a life of regrets and be happy. There's no doubting you're in a difficult situation and need to make a difficult decision, but you used an interesting phrase: 'running away to the other side of the earth seems easier now'. Do you see this as an escape from an unhappy marriage? You said if you can show your wife there is a future, she will join you, but you don't want to make false promises. Are you referring to trying to dry out as a false promise, because you feel you won't be able to do it, even if you move to Australia? I understand what you're saying......you can't move and live out your dream, but include not drinking as part of that dream, or you won't be happy.

There's no denying you've had to fend for yourself from an early age, you implied you had little parental support, but you have a great work ethic, and a good conscience, so your parents must've done something right, in instilling these basic values in you.

You've come to this difficult crossroads in your life now, and attempting to compromise or find a middle ground, making you happy and your family happy, plus, providing the necessary financial stability, you might consider this: is it possible to travel to Australia to check out how it will be if you work there, and possibly take your family if you can, or at least one of your daughters, during a school break, etc., and just get a feel for the whole experience. While I realize visiting a place and working/living in that place are two very different experiences, considering doing this may help satisfy your lifelong desire for adventure, give you a needed change of scenery, and make your decision a more informed one. I'm playing devil's advocate again--what if you hate it? You might decide you could never live/work there, and be happy. It's just a 'what if' that needs to be considered. Another 'what if': could you work in Australia or another country your company may be able to send you, for just a few months at a time, come home for a few months, then return. This might be the best of both worlds, your daughters will know there's a time in the not too distant future, when you will be home again, and you might like the traveling back and forth, if you're an adventurous soul.

As I mentioned earlier, make sure you've exhausted all other options for work, closer to home, before making this major decision. If you find you will stay where you are, or close to where you are now, for work, you can always take a trip to Southeast Asia and/or Australia to satisfy your dream.

Please let me know your thoughts.

Cher
Cher, Educator-40+ yrs
Category: General
Satisfied Customers: 18957
Experience: M.A., B.A., Author, Senior Informational Specialist
Cher and 51 other General Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Stop drinking, encourage wife to join, work on marriage and fff nope not gonna work I can bail why not, she gets half, I get fun. Kids might grow up faster they are babied and someday they might appreciate their dad. Shit I don't even believe this but this was last night.. I don't know what I usually do is let shit play out and accept the outcome It usually works if I don't analyze my life too closely. Til tomorrow If I can send this tonight I will just to give you ahead start. Oh if you didn't want to get in this deep just say ‘I give' and I'll still give you a good rating just for having to read this.

 

K I was wrong you are on the right track, I was looking for rotational work to experience my adventure. I have requested full family ex pat status I don't think they will stay but we can all experience the adventure then decide.

 

Your comment that I have heard from many well intentioned souls finally sunk in. WHAT Makes you happy? I want to go I will make every effort for them to join me but I am making a stand this is what I want - you all will have the option to continue your lives or join me

Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi again, and thanks for your reply, and your accept.

Nope, I'm not ready to yell 'give', yet! : )

It sounds like you've made your decision, and if you have requested full family ex pat status, you can see how it works out and as you said, you can all experience the adventure and then decide.

You ARE taking a stand and you deserve happiness, but I know you care very much for your family.

I didn't say you should quit drinking cold turkey, but consider 'moderation'; I know how difficult it is. But, you said "Beers with the boys I can fake but wine country?? You can still drink, if you consider it one of life's pleasures, but just don't overdo.

At this point in your life, if this opportunity presents itself and it will mean you won't have to worry about how to pay for University for your kids, plus, it really will be a dream come true for you, go for it! There is nothing that can't be 'undone' in this scenario. As you said, if they don't like it, they don't have to stay; if you don't like it, YOU don't have to stay (unless you're signing some sort of contract with your company), but you are certainly entitled to your adventure, and it's not like you're being irresponsible and going off to 'play' on your adventure: this is for work!

I wish you the best of luck and please let me know how things are going.

Regards,
Cher
Cher, Educator-40+ yrs
Category: General
Satisfied Customers: 18957
Experience: M.A., B.A., Author, Senior Informational Specialist
Cher and 51 other General Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Finally figure out how to thank the right person, that last screen is confusing. we will talk soon. I have some buds (girls) that usually help me with these difficult times. althought not usually this complicated I was up until 4 this morning still jacked and big dude in London texted for more info on girls schooling. Flames scored woo hoo Thank you again Cher, your patience and wisdom is noted.

 

I hope to ask you another question soon, but if you wanted to buzz me to ask how it is going I think these therypist bills may be worth it

Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi again, and you're so very welcome! It was my pleasure to be of help.

I look forward to talking to you soon; I'm glad you do have reliable friends to talk things out with and I'm also glad your friend in London is helping you check info for the girls' schooling.

Regards,
Cher (just click on 'reply' to keep me posted)

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Cher
Cher
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M.A., B.A., Author, Senior Informational Specialist