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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Research Expert
Category: General
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Publicity/Marketing, Published Writer, Business Owner, World Traveler
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my father, his wife of 28 years (stepmom to me) and their grandson (not my blood nephew) moved from out ot state and into my home originally for 4-6 weeks till they could find a home of their own close to us. It has now been 4 1/2 months. My husband and I have been told we are not allowed to have any input into the horrible behavior, eating habits, bullying, etc of the nephew. The stepmom bullies us and allows her 2 dogs to urinate and poop on my upstairs carpet. I have had my carpet cleaned twice and do not think that helped the hint. We have offered help in moving, looking for a place etc. I love my father but the actions of the stepmom and nephew are deplorable. Basically my family and I are at our wits ends. We no longer have our sanctuary, privacy. My home is filthy and I have no help to clean it, my home stinks of pet odor that I can not tolerate. I desperately need help!!!! I do not want to alienate or disrespect my father. Please help me with viable yet non-violent ways of handling this horrendous predicament I have allowed myself to get into!


It's never easy to confront a family member under these conditions, but you have to be strong. If you want any hope of ever getting your house back you are going to have to put your foot down, and hard.

FIrst off, tell me this, where does your husband stand in all of this?

Are they working? what are the reasons they are giving for not having left or leaving?


Customer: replied 10 years ago.
Reply to Lisa's Post: My husband wants this to end as much as I do, if not more. He has been extremely patient with my family as I have also been patient with his family thoughout our years together. However, this one is the worst family faux paux to date.
Yes they both work, my father is retired military w/a pension and still substitute teaches at a local school. He is 73 and she is 63. I got my stepmom a job where I work (really stupid).
The stepmom has a deadbeat son in prison that they state has stolen a lot of their money and properties on more than one occassion and has caused them other financial burdens. From talking to some of my stepmom's family members we are not the first victoms of overstaying their welcome.
Their reasons: first stepmom had not decided if she liked the city yet, then not enough money for down payment, "houses are just too expensive" and now they are looking for a rent house instead, but just paid off all of their credit cards and are broke again. It is definitely the stepmom running the show and calling all of the shots in her family. The nephew has no stability as he is moved from one family member to another every time someone just throws them out.
My husband is now thinking of giving them the money for a rental home deposit and 1st months rent rather than a loan as we all know how that ends. I have not decided about this idea yet as I am afraid it will only continue til next month.


It is apparant how they feel about you and your husbands wishes and feeling when you said they "just paid off all of their credit cards and are broke again. They took the opprotunity you gave them and used it as a way to pay off their credit cards, instead of doing what they said they intended to do. That's called taking advantage and disrespect.

You have three choices here,

1. Sit your father down and tell him you love him but they have x amount of time to get their together, and get moving. This could be whatever you think is fair, one month to a month and a half to 2 months.

2. Tell them that you don't appreciate them paying off their credit on your dime, and they have two weeks (three weeks, one month tops) to get out.

3. Give them the money, which is really sad since you've already given them so much, but this could literally have them out in weeks. Providing the stepmother can agree on a house she likes, which in my opinion she will probably drag this out as long as possible too.

Whatever you decide, you have to talk to your husband, make sure he understands and is in agreement with you to put your combined feet down. I would also be sure to tell your father how you feel about the whole thing, if for no other reason that to get it off your chest.

Let me know if you want to talk more about this or if you have any other questions, it costs you nothing to click reply.



Ms Chase, Research Expert
Category: General
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Publicity/Marketing, Published Writer, Business Owner, World Traveler
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