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Hello, I'm sorry you haven't been helped yet. Can I still offer you assistance?
Have you done any other testing since you listed the question?
I'm looking up the wire diagrams now. They are known for the gem and the motors. When you ground the relays it is shifting correctly. Have you checked to see if the switch is getting 5 volts?
Did you program the module so it knows it has 4wheel drive? This vehicle has to be programmed to told it is a 4wd vehicle.
If you ground the relay at the gem or 4x4 module and it works then the gem must be defective. The only other things would be two wires wire between the gem and relay box are broken. You have verified everything including all circuits.
Have you tried disconnecting the battery for 10 minutes. Sometimes when the code sets long enough the 4x4 completely disables until it sees a master reset.