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Phillips Esq.
Phillips Esq., Attorney-at-Law
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 18130
Experience:  B.A.; M.B.A.; J.D.
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I'm going broke and haven't gotten much soc sec retirement

Customer Question

I'm going broke and haven't gotten much soc sec retirement built up for myself as a result of dealing with the care of my parents and another relative for the past 15 years.... Is there anything i can do.. I am still caring for them... i began working 3 years ago and had to stop again to care for them. I live on my spouse's income and we have a seasonal rental which the last year remained vacant in order to attempt to house my aging parents but it did not work as they felt alone with just an aid... They would prefer integrating into my own home and having the variety that would offer with shared meals and seeing their grandchild often. THe problem is that my sibling just married one of the very first caregivers we hired who now wants accounting of all spending and expenses for my parents and the other relative who are coincidentally going from Independence into dependency. Our parents were always frugal and thrifty as are we but she feels we have mismanaged our parents funds. SHe also wants us to put our parents on medicaid which i never even considered because they have a rental property. All of these things that are coming up are distracting me from the most important which is the care of my aging parents... I don't even know their bank accounts or have a system of paying their bills yet and now this person is harrassing me with accusations that my parents have dementia and need to be in a nursing home.... Why would this person do this? IN any case, i have spent close to $10,000 in the last 2 years to accommodate my parents. I need to think about my own needs in this scheme of things now. Any ideas?
Submitted: 3 months ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Phillips Esq. replied 3 months ago.

Hello: This is Phillipsesq. Welcome to JustAnswer! I am reviewing your post, and I will post my response very shortly. Thank you for your patience.

Expert:  Phillips Esq. replied 3 months ago.

I am so sorry to read about your difficulties.

What authority does this person have to demand accounting? Is the person your parents' Power of Attorney?

Kindly clarify.

Thank you for your cooperation,

Customer: replied 3 months ago.
No. They are not my parents POA.. But they married my sibling who WAS my parents POA. Because of all the directives placed which me and my sibling began to follow which this person was making, we just went along until i got sick and tired of this former caregiver constantly stating that my folks have dementia which to me is just some forgetfulness and slowing down and rehashing of old memories which sometimes throws either parent into a mood which upon redirecting or popping in a favorite piece of music or taking fido for a walk, can easily resolve in seconds. THis is NOT worthy of a nursing home. 85% content and 15% of hicups to me is not serious. Especially if they are getting some variety and there is time for transition and planning. IN the meantime, this person is disruptive and i am not sure why. I also need to know what can be done if alot of money has been spent on caregivers to the extent that it is frightening... Both are mobile but bored and will ruminate without activity which there is plenty as long as I or a caregiver escorts them on various days of the week. Their primary residence is worth $400k if sold and their soc sec income is $1500 combined. THey have a life estate on an investment property that was deeded into their adult childrens name which the former caregiver is threatening i should buy out my sibling, (her spouse) by taking out a loan on the home which the parents reside at.
THey are 82 and 92.
Expert:  Phillips Esq. replied 3 months ago.

Thank you for the information. Kindly give me a few minutes to review the information that you have provided and prepare my response.

Thank you for your patience.

Expert:  Phillips Esq. replied 3 months ago.

I am not sure why the caregiver is meddling here. However, as long as your parents are competent, you do not have to comply with the caregiver's directives. You are under no legal obligation to even listen to him if he is not the Durable POA. His wife cannot delegate the DPOA to him.

As for demanding that you buy your sister out by mortgaging your parent's house, that would be considered elder financial abuse. So, you should not do that.

Finally, if you object to the expenses on caregivers, you need to let your parents know your thoughts. The expenses can be cut. Again, if your parents can still speak for themselves, they can say what they want regardless of who has Durable POA. Durable POA does not mean that they cannot speak for themselves. It just means that they have appointed someone to also act on their behalf. However, if they object to the actions about to be taken by the DPOA, the DPOA must comply with their wishes and not override them. The DPOA is an agent of the Principals and must comply with the Principals' directions. Otherwise, the DPOA would be breaching her fiduciary duty.

A 5-star rating to my response is appreciated so that I can receive proper credit for responding to your post. Kindly use the popup screen to give the rating. There is no additional cost to you for giving a 5-star rating.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Customer: replied 3 months ago.
will my folks have enough assets to enjoy a healthy graceful quality retirement without requiring Medicaid?
Expert:  Phillips Esq. replied 3 months ago.

I am sorry, but I cannot answer that question.

Customer: replied 3 months ago.
Why not? Aren't projections available as to typical costs or ranges that most elderly face?
Customer: replied 3 months ago.
Is it because i need to open a new question?