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Roger, Attorney
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 30907
Experience:  BV Rated by Martindale-Hubbell; SuperLawyer rating by Thompson-Reuters
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I am looking for some advice on spousal support as part of a

Customer Question

JA: Hello. How can we help?
Customer: I am looking for some advice on spousal support as part of a mediation process towards legal separation.
JA: Because family law varies from place to place, can you tell me what state this is in?
Customer: Connecticu Connecticut
JA: Have you talked to a lawyer yet?
Customer: Three
JA: Anything else you want the lawyer to know before I connect you?
Customer: I have proof that my spouse committed adultery but have not confronted her yet.
Submitted: 27 days ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Roger replied 27 days ago.

Hi - my name is ***** ***** I'll be glad to assist.

What's your question?

Customer: replied 27 days ago.
Hi Roger. Thanks for your prompt reply. My spouse and I have been married 18 years, have 3 children and an overall positive relationship. Needless to say, I was blindsided upon learning that she's had an extramarital affair for the last 2-3 years (which I have written proof of in the form of Facebook messages). I don't want to pursue a litigious divorce with her, and would instead prefer legal separation via mediation / collaborative process. Several lawyers who I've spoke with said I should absolutely not tell her that I know about the affair as it could be critical for leverage. However, I am going crazy keeping it a secret. I'd like your opinion on pros / cons of telling her (or not), as well as the potential for me to use a subpoena of the "other man" as additional leverage. Meaning, if I do tell her, I would still maintain leverage based on his situation. He is also married with 4 kids and a spouse who has no clue of his infidelity. My spouse would not want to ruin his marriage nor face the embarrassment of their affair becoming public. Reconciliation is not an option for me and my decision to legally separate is final. I'm not seeking revenge but want to consider if / how to leverage the affair towards lower $ spousal support or shorter duration (months / years). Sorry if this is jumbled but I'm very confused on what to do. Emotionally, I don't feel good repressing this information. But financially and legally, it may be a key to me moving forward with my life while limiting how much and how long I have to pay my spouse. Thank you.
Expert:  Roger replied 27 days ago.

Thanks for the information.

In this day and age, with adultery so commonplace, it is not the huge advantage in terms of divorce, property settlement that it used to be. That said, it is best for you to get your affairs in order before you tell her that you know of the affair and that you want to divorce. This means that you should get your money into a personal account that she doesn't have access to, and any other property or assets that you currently own alone. That will keep her from cleaning your assets/money out after you drop the news.

Expert:  Roger replied 27 days ago.

Also, you should consider filing for divorce before you inform your wife so she will not have time to try and cover up anything.

Customer: replied 27 days ago.
Understood. But is it more advantageous to hold it back until we get into negotiation on spousal support, or use it in advance to drive the conversation? I guess it's leverage either way.
Expert:  Roger replied 27 days ago.

It is leverage either way....and it's probably going to come out sooner than the negotiation stage. Adultery is a ground for divorce under CT law, so it will likely be pled/raised early on.

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