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If husband has defaulted on the loan, then the lender can try to contact him wherever he is or have their agent do so. If they ended up filing suit under a breach of contract claim, they would have to do so in the state where he is located so as to be able to get personal jurisdiction to force him to come to court and defend.
So the debt collector may be trying to collect the debt first by contacting him and harassing him and then turn it over to a local attorney to file suit.
As for the contact with your kids and parents, that would be improper under the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act and he could contact them and request that they do not contact him or family by telephone and only in writing. If he sends that request to them certified and first class mail, they have to cease this type of contact or can be sued for harassment.