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Law Educator, Esq.
Law Educator, Esq., Lawyer
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 110571
Experience:  Experienced attorney: Family law, Estate Law, SS Law etc.
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Are u online? Do you answer legal questions, Mass, No, I

Customer Question

Are u online?
JA: No. I'm the Family Lawyer's Assistant.
Customer: Do you answer legal questions
JA: Because laws vary from state to state, could you tell me what state is this in?
Customer: Mass
JA: Have you talked to a lawyer yet?
Customer: No, I have not I was hoping to work it out but it's not possible
JA: Anything else you think the lawyer should know?
Customer: My husband is verbal abusive and is escalating into throwing things at me. I am scared dor myself and my kids
JA: OK. Got it. I'm sending you to a secure page on JustAnswer so you can place the $5 fully-refundable deposit now. While you're filling out that form, I'll tell the Family Lawyer about your situation and then connect you two.
Submitted: 4 months ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  NYFamilyLawyer replied 4 months ago.

Hello. I’m a licensed attorney with 36 years’ experience. My practice is limited to family law and appeals, but I have many years’ experience with landlord-tenant issues, contract law, and other types of law. I also have written hundreds of legal articles. I look forward to helping you today.

Please note:This is general information and is not legal advice. No specific course of action is proposed herein, and no attorney-client relationship or privilege is formed by speaking to an attorney on this site.

At the end of this discussion I'm going to ask you to please rate me as that's the only way I get credit for my time here today. Are you okay with rating me at the end of our discussion? Thanks!

Please also understand I am typing my answer to your question – usually a detailed answer – and I’ll be back to you asap.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. How old are the kids and how long has this been going on? Thanks for this information

Customer: replied 4 months ago.
I have an almost 3 year old and a 4 year old.
Expert:  NYFamilyLawyer replied 4 months ago.

Thank you for that. I presume this has been going on for some time now.

Have you checked with any local domestic violence shelters? A lot of them have counseling and help women get away from their husbands. It's one of the first places that people are advised to try.

I have been in court representing children as a guardian ad litem, called an attorney for the child, in NY, on on many cases which involved domestic violence (DV). It's scary for the entire family.

In many cases, if the other spouse is committing acts of domestic violence against you, you have to be careful for many reasons, one of which is that child protective can take the kids because they're being exposed to DV. I'm just giving you a heads up, so yes, you must do something about this.

Can you tell me what you think you'd like to do? There are things such as getting a restraining order against him, which will get him out of the house, and starting divorce proceedings after you get the restraining order, or living separate and apart without a divorce to see how things go. The first thing I would suggest is a restraining order against him and to seek out a DV shelter/help place so that you can become more familiar with how to deal with DV.

Expert:  NYFamilyLawyer replied 4 months ago.

You do not have to start divorce proceedings if you don't want. The best thing to do is get a restraining order and then see if things calm down at all and if there is any way of resolving this, unless that's not what you want.

Customer: replied 4 months ago.
I feel very trapped by my lack of options. I know if I try to get help I will be forced to take action once his behavior is known could lose my kids. I have no access to money even though my husband makes 180k a year. I do not know how I will take care of my kids
Expert:  NYFamilyLawyer replied 4 months ago.

I am so sorry, and I know that you must feel trapped. Leaving or doing something proactive is the hardest thing for people who are the victims of DV. Maybe the best thing for you to do is go to a DV shelter.
I'm an Attorney for the Child in NY, like a Guardian ad litem, and I am looking at it from the kids' perspective. I have to advise you that child protective could take the kids if this continues in their presence. NY law is full of cases like that, and most of the New England states have similar laws. So I just wanted to advise you of that.

Expert:  NYFamilyLawyer replied 4 months ago.

I know it's tempting not to do anything and hope it stops, but it doesn't stop. Sometimes it gets worse. You don't deserve this, as you know. It's not your fault either. I will tell you that over and over to make sure you hear it from a trained professional who has dealt with many DV cases in my 36 year career as a family attorney.

Expert:  NYFamilyLawyer replied 4 months ago.

Do you want me to see if there is a DV shelter in your area? Also, he prevents you from access to money, correct? He is controlling, obviously, and he's controlling all areas of your life. That alone, the control with money, can be DV. Are you safe there now?

Expert:  NYFamilyLawyer replied 4 months ago.

What can I do for you? Do you have a relative's house you can go to overnight just to get away if you need to, either now or tomorrow? I know it's late now. Will you be okay till tomorrow? Then maybe tomorrow you can make plans to go to a relative's house for a little while with the kids. That will give you time to think.

Expert:  NYFamilyLawyer replied 4 months ago.

I want you to know I am not saying get a divorce. I am not saying that.

I am saying evaluate your options, such as go to a DV shelter or a relative's house. Staying home is not a great option because the presence of any DV in front of the kids is going to trigger a child protective visit. Plus you yourself are in danger and you don't deserve that or need that, and you could be seriously hurt now that this has escalated.

Expert:  NYFamilyLawyer replied 4 months ago.

Does this help you or do you need more options?

Customer: replied 4 months ago.
I need more options. What are my financial rights as a stay at home mom with a heart condition and two children not in school full days?
Expert:  NYFamilyLawyer replied 4 months ago.

Hello. If you're going to be looking for a divorce or separation, especially with domestic violence going on, which you must allege, you will be allowed to stay in the house with the children. The kids are young and a court will want to do that for you. You will need to get a laweyer for this, and then the lawyer will make a motion to ask for you to get support immediately and to have your legal fees paid for. This will help you get a lawyer.

Does this answer your question or are you looking for other alternatives?

Expert:  NYFamilyLawyer replied 4 months ago.

I have given you all of the alternatives that are out there: going to a shelter, staying with a relative (or friend), filing for separation, filing for divorce, taking time to think it over, removing the children from the situation with or without you but you're better off being out of his range because he can get angry again, filing a request for a restaining order/order of protection. These are your options. This is what you can do. Or you can stay and do nothing but it's not healthy for you, it's not good for the kids, and child protective can take it out on you if you're allowing DV to happen. This is how child protective thinks. I know you aren't looking for DV to happen, but the law is that if you're a victim of DV, especially in northeastern states, you're allowing this to happen if you keep the kids there, so child protective is going to want to see you get the kids out of there.

Does that answer your question?

Expert:  NYFamilyLawyer replied 4 months ago.

Hi, just checking in to see if you still need help with your question and if my answer was helpful for you. Thanks!


Expert:  Law Educator, Esq. replied 4 months ago.
Thank you for your question. I look forward to working with you to provide you the information you are seeking for educational purposes only.
I am a DIFFERENT CONTRIBUTOR as your previous contributor opted out of continuing to work with you.
Do you have further questions for us? We understand the hopeless situation you are in, but options are not without limit, you have to finally decide that you are fed up and do not want to live under those conditions any longer. You do not have to be trapped, but only you can take action and you have to actually start to do so or you will remain trapped. While we can provide you information on what those options are, you have to take them. You will not lose your children just because you have a disability or get a divorce. You would only lose your children if the court finds you are an unfit parent. So if you are not happy and need to get out of this abusive relationship, you need to decide which of the limited legal options you have and you need to act.

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