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Hi and welcome to JA Wally.
Here life insurance in Texas passes to the named beneficiary, if she names you then it goes to you directly not under a will.Only if she names her estate or names no one does it pass under her estate and will if she signs one.
Insurance is unique if there is a beneficiary it passes by contract to that person, it is only if no one is named or her estate that it then goes to probate to who she names.If you know you are the beneficiary then you let this go knowing it will pass to you regardless of whats in a will here or not.
I appreciate the chance to help you today Wally.Let me know if you have more follow up.Sorry you are having to deal with all of this.
Yes she can, your only option is divorce and have it resolved as part of property settlement.It is her policy unless you file for divorce here.It is very possible that she does not know she can.