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The mother has no legal rights to bar you from the school because she has no ownership of it. The school is a public school so only school personnel could bar you from the premises. She can prevent you from having contact with the children if your son goes along with it because SC courts assume that the parents of an intact family unit are the ones in the best position to make determinations about who has contact with their children.
So while mother couldn't keep you from the school event since it is a public ceremony, she could prevent you from contacting the children.
This is going to fall on son as to where he wants to come down in this dispute and it sounds like he has made his decision.
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