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P. Simmons
P. Simmons, Lawyer
Category: Family Law
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Experience:  16 yrs. of experience including family law.
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Domestic violence and divorce 3 months old baby involved

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Domestic violence and divorce 3 months old baby involved
Submitted: 6 months ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  P. Simmons replied 6 months ago.

Hello! My name is ***** ***** I am a licensed attorney with more than 18 years of experience. I am here to assist you with your questions. I am here to help

Also, if you would like to chat on the phone, let me know and I can make that happen.
I am sorry for this dilemma. But not sure I understand your specific question. Do you have a question regarding this?

Customer: replied 6 months ago.
I thought I entered only the title and I have to enter details later.I and my boyfriend on and off from past more than 4 years have been having lots of fights and domestic violence was a part of it. He hit me 3-4 times so bad that I was all bruised on the face arms lip split n what not BUT every time he apologized kept chasing and convincing me how sorry he was and how much he loves me he even cried n touched my feet for sorry .... I wasn't convinced enough every other time but I forgave him n continues relationship with him thinking things will get better with time but they kept getting worse only. Not that it was horrible all the time. It was good time also but nothing special like we went out or anything. He refused to let my sister see me in his apartment until I married him after I moved in with him around 1 year back. I got to know few weeks after moving in that I was pregnant so I decided I will marry him for the baby inspite of a big fight and physical assault by him couple of weeks before I got to know I was pregnant. The verbal abuse n small physical assaults like choking me once when I was 7 months pregnant was part of it. He pushed me so hard to sign marriage contract with him n only after that he will marry me. He wanted to keep everything separate and in a way that if we divorce he is not in any loss but I refused to sign it as he wanted n told him I will sign only if things are common after marriage n only if it's proper marriage n not a roommate situation so he agreed after many hurtful fights after 4-5 months n we got officially married. Things did not stop at that . He created scenes n lots of verbal abuse in front of my siblings whenever they visited n stayed overnight (hardly 2-3 times)... He said all bad things bout them n me n called me bitch characterless n what not though he knows he was the one who forced himself onto me n took my virginity without my consent n I never was involved with any guy at all other than him. I m a finabciAlly stable from well to do good family not at all dependent on him yet I have been tolerating all this crap as I was getting old to get married n have babies and also I didn't want to abort the baby that I had conceived already by Gods grace but now things have gone so worse that just 4 days after baby was born n I had a c-section he twisted my arm badly with baby in my laps and kept verbally abusing me calling me fat n ugly n what not (I don't think I was too fat or ugly) even if I was I had just given birth to a baby so I had to be a bit fat, he is not supposed to abuse me that way... The next day we had another argument where we slapped each other and he snatched n threw away my phone on the wall n broke it. I decided to leave to my place with my sister n the baby ... Again he apologized his mother called n apologized on his behalf n requested me to stay as baby was just 6 days old. I stayed with a promise from him that he will not call names again or hit me or abuse me BUT as usual he started it again after few days .... Another day my mom came from my home country n bright gold jwellary as gift for me and the baby n my husband and his mom. Two days after he asked me keep the jwellary in his locker at the bank but I lied n told him I have sent that with my brother to be kept in my locker at my bank... From there things started n he started verbally abusing me after some time his mom also jumped in and both of them so many bad things to me calling characterless n what not cause I got pregnant before official marriage (though it was her son who didn't want to sign the marriage papers without me signing the prenup contract with all his conditions / blackmailing me for keeping the baby). I am a strong self independent girl and I responded back every time to his abuse cried felt hurt n I don't think that hurt will ever go away. He n his mother asked me to leave in the middle of the night to my condo ... Called my mother to take me away with the baby. His mother even said she doesn't care even if the baby dies (God knows what she meant) he twisted my right wrist again I still feel the discomfort. I left with my brother along with baby n some of our stuff n never got in touch with him until baby got fever one day n was in the hospital. He came at the discharge to drop us back at my condo even if I didn't ask for it. I thought this time he is really apologetic. Again he showed up uninformed one weekend to see the baby. I thought I may get in some legal trouble if I refuse to let him in to see the baby. So I let him in n then he kept visiting almost every weekend n after 3-4 visits he requested me to come along with the baby to his place. By then my anger had cooled down and I got worried about baby growing up in a broken family with parents living separately so I went 3 weekends to his place to see how it works out. But all the times we had fights on one or the other thing. I think both of us have conflicting personalities. He is very controlling n I can't
Expert:  P. Simmons replied 6 months ago.

Thank you for the additional information. can you tell me, what is your looks like it was cut off at the end.

The last thing I can see from you is

I think both of us have conflicting personalities. He is very controlling n I can't

Customer: replied 6 months ago.
Be controlled. Two days ago he came by my condo to interview nannys for the baby... Late as always. He went to the bedroom to the baby n climbed up with his shoes on ... He did that many times before n I always told him not to bring his dirty shoes on the bed where 3 months old baby was. On this he said he will slap me with those shoes only if I don't stop preaching... I also got aggravated as I gave him this last chance to behave yet he was not b back to his normal abusive don't care behaviour. He kept daring me to touch him if I had the guts ... I got furious n touched the shoe to his foot... On this he jumped up n slapped me super hard on the face I was wearing specs n started yelling that I should learn to respect my husband n I should know my place. God know what he thinks of himself n what he thinks of me that I m at such a low place where I don't get to do anything with him....he is a part time actor n has another full time job n at both places he is not at those heights from where he sees me as nobody. Just then nanny rang the bell so I pulled myself together n talked to her for few minutes he also came to the living room with the baby n started behaving normal. It was so hard for me to hold up my emotions but I did for the baby as I didn't was nanny to know what just happened n get scared to work for me. After she left I told my mom that he slapped me very hard so she asked him very politely why he did so n on that he started shouting super loud yelling I was lying n I hit him first n I always lie n I was such a bad person bla bla n came so close to my face n started shouting for me to apologize n to learn how to respect husband. I can explain here how he shouts... It's abnormal he looses control n he can harm me physically any moment real bad but by now I m so used to this crap that I told him to get out of my apartment n never show his face again but he didn't go instead he kept shouting coming after me n then picked up the baby n dared me again to throw me out .... He crossed limits again verbally n I just couldn't bare how far he was going again so I slapped him back as taking his slap n verbal abuse again without slapping him back made me insane as how this fellow who claims he loves me hit me n abuse n this time too when he had promised so strongly this won't happen again... On this he kept the baby on the couch (almost threw him) n slapped me so hard 3-4 times on my right side face n head n 2-3 times on left .... I couldn't see for a minute n I think I had a concussion with black in front of my eyes... Not able to believe he did it in front of my mom in my apartment I sat down on the couch trying to hold myself from fainting (he is a 5'10" ..200 pounds 40 years old man .. You can imagine how hard will it be if he slapped me in full anger with full force).... I instantly told him I m calling 911, he thought I won't but I did ... As soon as I called 911 he picked up his backpack n left in lightening speed... Police stopped by logged a DIR for harassment n told me I can get a restraining order against him n also order of protection, this way he won't be able to physically abuse me again. I didn't do that yet n not sure if that's going to hurt his job career which I don't want as he is the father of my child but not sure if I should.... Pls advise. I want to file for divorce also but being in NYC I think I can't until 1 year after marriage. Please advise how n when to start divorce process n what basis would b the best. I don't think the difference between us can ever b repaired or our conflicting personalities can be fixed.
I m most concerned about the baby - who will get custody n on what basis for how long? Baby is just 3 months old. I want to have primary custody of the baby.
Also I noticed he takes lots of pills including prescription medicine which is given to Bipolar patients. He told me he is not bipolar n that's for weight loss but as usual he lies n I don't know if he is not. His behaviour definitely suggests he is.
Expert:  P. Simmons replied 6 months ago.

Thank you
And is he in agreement with you on this matter (about the terms of divorce)?

Customer: replied 6 months ago.
I have not discussed divorce with him yet. But I think I will have to go that route soon before I loose my sanity. This relationship has become too toxic.Also he was divorced already and he didn't tell me about it. I somehow got to know some time after I started seeing him. He still hides almost everything n is never there whenever or wherever he should be for me or the baby as a family. Doesn't socialize ... Doesn't behave well with my family ... I have no respect love or forgiveness anymore for him. He didn't even tell me where he was working even after we got married. I knew he is working somewhere in the city near time square but didn't know for what company or how much he earns. I told him everything.
Customer: replied 6 months ago.
I need best advise from you based on the situation I described
Expert:  P. Simmons replied 6 months ago.

Thank you

A divorce can either be contested or not contested.

Uncontested; Now the fastest, (and by far the least expensive) way to get a divorce is if you can agree on the terms. If you can agree on "who gets what" there is not a need for attorneys...this will cut the costs to a very small amount (court fees)

Contested; if you can not agree, this is a contested divorce. To proceed you need an attorney or need to act as your own attorney (very bad idea). Here the parties present evidence to the court on "who gets what" and the court decides. This takes longer and involves attorney fees for both sides.

SO, if you can agree with your "soon to be ex" on who gets what, great! If not, you need an attorney.

And so will he...and you will both pay a good deal of money to your lawyers to "fight this out" until one or both of you decide to settle this.

So the best way to approach this?
Talk to him now...and work out a deal. Particularly with regard to the property (who gets what of the stuff and the debts)

If you can work this part out...the divorce gets much easier to resolve (and far less expensive)

If you both agree, and the marriage has been "broken" for at least 6 months? You can file for divorce immediately.

Please let me know if you have more questions. I am happy to help if I can. Otherwise, please rate the answer so I may get credit for my work.

Customer: replied 6 months ago.
What exactly does Broken for 6 months mean? Does it mean staying separate for 6 months ?How do I get baby's primary custody? He is just 3 months old.
Expert:  P. Simmons replied 6 months ago.

Thanks...there are two ways to get a no fault divorce in NY

1. Live separate and apart pursuant to a separation agreement


2. One of the parties signs an affidavit that the marriage has been broken for at least 6 months

The latter one REQUIRES an uncontested you have to work together on this (both agree to get divorced)...but if you do? The court will grant the divorce.

The court will divide up custody of the child based on what is best for the child. As an infant, I would expect you maintain primary custody with dad getting some visitation...and more as the child ages.

IF you have concerns that dad would be a danger to the child? You can raise them with the court at the appropriate time (during the divorce, or after).

But you will get primary custody based on what you are describing.

Expert:  P. Simmons replied 6 months ago.

And broken means that it can not be fixed...

Customer: replied 6 months ago.
stating separately for 6 months would be broken mrg.
Expert:  P. Simmons replied 6 months ago.

NY law allows an "uncontested" divorce (both parties have to agree to be divorced) IF one of the parties signs an affidavit that they believe the marriage is "broken" (so can not be repaired) and has been for 6 months or more.

So if you believe this to be true ? And he is going to cooperate with the divorce? You can file tomorrow.

Please let me know if you have more questions. I am happy to help if I can. Otherwise, please rate the answer so I may get credit for my work.

Customer: replied 6 months ago.
I don't think he is going to cooperate to file divorceHe was me with him n control abuse me whatever way he wants. He has rage issues n I can't deal with it anymore.I had concussion after he hit me n I m still not better after 4 days.Domestic violence police told me to get an order of protection but I m afraid that it may put my kids custody in danger I don't want social securities to take away the kid. I live in my property n can afford child support very well. Hope that doesn't happenMy child may need father but I can't let him b around me to hurt me more mentally physically n verballyShould I get order of protection?whar could be problem points if I go ahead with it?
Customer: replied 6 months ago.
I also feel that down the line I may go back to him looking at my baby n thinking he shouldn't have to b in a broken family
Expert:  P. Simmons replied 6 months ago.
If you are in fear for your safety (or the safety of your child) you can request a protective order.And if he will not cooperate with the divorce, you are going to need to hire a lawyer to assist you
Customer: replied 5 months ago.
I have been in so much stress and dilemma lately wondering if I should get order of protection and child custody or not. I read that social securities can get involved and I don't want any harm to the child or the child taken away. I am a full time working mom with my own house with no issues, baby is not yet even 4 months old but the father is pushing me (emailing me time and again ) that he needs to take away baby to his place. I am not comfortable with that. I don't think he can take good care of the baby alone and I am obviously not ready to go to his place. I told him he can see the baby in my presence but he is emailing that his friends and family are coming to see the baby and he needs to take away the baby. What do you suggest here - should I get the order of protection and get started child support process? I don't want to be long legal proceedings and I don't want child to be impacted any ways. Please advice ASAP
Customer: replied 5 months ago.
What are the pros and cons of filing for child custody and what are the chances for him to get custody and for how long?
Expert:  P. Simmons replied 5 months ago.

The first step is to get a custody order.

IF he is a danger to you or the children? You can then seek a protection order

You need to get the custody order to get a support order (the two go hand in hand). So you will need to file for the custody order first. Have your attorney file this wit the court.

Customer: replied 5 months ago.
Ok. Any idea how much the lawyer may charge for custody order?
Expert:  P. Simmons replied 5 months ago.

I do not...that will depend on the lawyer. But I would expect in the range of $1.5K-$3K

Please let me know if you have more questions. I am happy to help if I can. Otherwise, please rate the answer so I may get credit for my work.

Customer: replied 5 months ago.
He again came by yesterday and kept banging the door for 15 minutes and said he is sorry and I should let him take the baby as sisters are visiting to see the baby. I was not comfortable letting him take the baby alone but I was afraid of any big drama so I told him he cannot enter my apartment and u will come out with the baby n he has to bring him bank by 9pm. He said he will but he was 1 hour late in bringing him back covered in a woman's stall in a cold night with baby's shirt drenched in vomit, holding milk bottle open in hands lost the lid somewhere and above all brought the baby in a cab without car seat. I felt so terrified that if I don't hand over the baby to him he will keep coming every day and because this time his sisters are here he is going to be more violent. But I feel so bad and defeated he didn't even bring baby's pram back that I had told him I need. Now he thinks again that it's so easy to just hit a woman time and again and keep creating drama and get things done whatever way he wants. Order of protection will be a bad record on him n my babies financial future depends on both of us so I thought I shouldn't get that but this guy is spoiling my peace. I feel like trash who can be beaten up lied to abused and manipulated. What do I do here? I need deep answers not just a summary stating the obvious

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