Sorry this is really long, but this is a VERY shortened version of my situation:
I have 4 kids (13, 11, 9, 4) with my ex-husband. He left me a year ago for someone else and they were pretty much living together before I even found out about them. The kids had already met her and he told them to lie to me about her. They now have a baby together and are getting married this summer. I had full custody of all my kids until he decided to make some false allegations against my bf (of a few months) and myself. This resulted in CPS taking my children away from me, only allowing me to have supervised visits.
Even during our divorce
process he was very difficult and I had to get a court order to keep him off the property for the safety of my kids and myself. CPS and the court system refused to hear anything that myself or anyone else had to say about my ex and his gf (they put kids in the trunk of the car to transport them because the car wasn't big enough for all of them). There are also several other situations that are similar that have been ignored. I had an attorney that ended up screwing me over and signing papers illegally for me resulting in the court papers saying that visitation
time is "whenever is mutually agreed". Meaning if he doesn't want to agree for any reason he doesn't have to let me see the kids at all. I have already talked to friend of the court and they have told me there is nothing for them to enforce. There have been several weeks where he doesn't allow me to see the kids at all. He tells the kids that I don't want to see them and that I am choosing my bf over them.
When he does let me see my kids, it is only for one hour a week. During that hour he expects me to feed them (at someone else's house, who is "supervising"). I was feeding them PB&J and he yelled at me for that telling me that I needed to feed them something else or I wouldn't be able to see them. He is always coming up with some way to prevent me from seeing my kids and turning them against me. My kids have called me up telling me they don't care about me, they don't want to see me (coming from my 4 yr old), etc. My child support
is half my check, that doesn't even leave me enough money to pay my bills and I live on as little as possible (I am very responsible with paying bills. When he left me I had no job (SAHM) and 4 kids to support by myself. I kept the house, my truck, and kept all the utilities on all by myself with no child support from him.) Also, during this past year my mother
passed away from breast cancer. He would not allow the kids to come to the funeral. He will not allow the kids to have any contact with anyone in my family or his dad/stepmom.
I currently do not have enough money to get a good lawyer to fix this situation and even if I could, I still would not get hardly any time with them per CPS. I have been dealing with his BS for over a year now and have learned more patience than I thought anyone could possibly be capable of, but now I am at my wits end with him. I really am in fear of doing something I may regret physically to him at this point. Every time I talk/text him, he gives me anxiety attacks. I cannot handle dealing with him anymore. I am now considering putting my kids up for adoption so his gf (almost wife) can adopt them. I understand that I will no longer have any legal rights to my children. He already tells me that I don't have legal rights (I know this is a lie), but I do not even get notified if my children are in the ER (which has been very often with him, even my 9 yr old admitted for suicide attempt). I can't mentally or emotionally deal with him or the hope and disappointment of not getting to see my kids on almost a daily basis. Am I wrong to consider letting her adopt them to be done with him? I know the kids will be 18 eventually and able to make their own decisions, that is the only thing giving me a little glimmer of hope.