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Are you representing yourself or are you represented by an attorney in these matters?
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It really is difficult to tell you whether or not these ex parte communications are in and of themselves "illegal" in your situation without knowing what they are about. THe communications could be very banal and not really related to the actual issues and resolving the issues in your case OR this could be a situation where the special master is conducting his own investigation and part of that investigation makes it necessary to speak to one or both parties in confidence. If there are overall decisions regarding custody matters being made based upon exparte communications between your ex and the special master then you have the right to protest and ask why these communications must be of an exparte nature and why you cannot be included in at least the context of what is being asked or talked about in these communications.
My suggestion is that you make it clear in writing that you are aware of the exparte communications and ask that you be told whether or not these communications have to do with the case and if so, you would like to be informed at least what the context is of these communications and whether or not there are custody decisions made or being made without keeping both sides sufficiently informed of the matters discussed. Now, you may get a response back that this is all part of the special masters right to conduct his own investigation and all of it will be discussed prior to the court date, and so that is something that you may have to accept because it is difficult for you to prove anything other than what the special master is saying to you.
In the end, if you believe that these contacts worked against you and your position, you have proof that you did make the inquiries in writing and you can ask the judge if he or she would kindly review the context and content of the communications between all of these parties during this time period because although you were supposed to be informed of everything that was taking place and what discussions are happening, you feel that you were not kept thoroughly informed of what was happening and would appreciate it if the court could look at the communications to determine if there were times when you should have been informed of what was happening and it simply did not happen.
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