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With respect to the amount of money that your son owes, I would encourage him to go to court to get that amount modified because it is extremely unlikely That's past amounts owed will be adjusted downward. That way if he goes to court now he can at least show what he makes now and argue that a change of circumstances warrants lowering his child support amount. And in the future if his business does end up being successful his ex can just take him back to court to attempt to get it adjusted upward. At least in the meantime he will oh less. she will likely argue that it's his own fault that he doesn't make any money and things like that but at least you can effectively try to stop the clock on the extreme amounts he now owes. Give me just a minute and I will respond to the next question.
It sounds like she is holding his possessions hostage. You, as his mom, may try to contact her but if she remains unreasonable you could sue her for the actual items or the value of those items civilly. I'd try to reason with her first ...
As far as loving his children - of course he should. If she doesn't give him access he can file a motion with the court for parenting time. As far as presents, if she is unwilling to facilitate any sort of relationship - which can include a parent giving presents to their child for special occasions - he may once again wish to consider filing a motion with the court. Even if he doesn't have an attorney he shouldn't give up. The courts have been increasingly making it easier for litigants to proceed pro se (without an attorney) and I would encourage him to do so, so he doesn't lose out on the relationship with his children that he clearly wants.
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