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Your company's attorney is correct if the option plan is under ERISA, in order to divide retirement assets, a Qualified Domestic Relations Order is required. The Qualified Domestic Relations Order is an order to a retirement plan declaring the portion of the plan to be marital property and for the division. Your options and shares are part of an ERISA plan and any ERISA type plan requires a QDRO. If the shares are not part of an ERISA plan, no QDRO is required.
It is up to your ex's attorney to file the QDRO in court and send it to your employer.