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Hello, I am happy to assist you today.
Sorry to hear about your situation. If he has been declared incompetent, then neither his wife, nor you, can make any medical decisions for him. This means that you have to go to court and get legal guardianship now. You can file for guardianship yourself, and ask for emergency temporary guardianship to do it quickly, and then the judge will decide on who has permanent guardianship.
Obviously it is possible that the wife will step in and try to take guardianship. If that happens you just have to explain to the judge why you think you would act more in his best interest. It is certainly reasonable to always get a second opinion, so I don't really understand why she would be against that.
I hope this helps
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