I'm Lucy, and I'd be happy to answer your questions today. I'm sorry to hear about your situation.
You do not have to agree with anything your husband is telling you must happen. If he's vacated the marital residence, you can get a court order saying he's not allowed to enter without notice + your consent (and even then, he'd need a reason, like picking up belongings left behind). You can also ask for spousal support before the divorce is finalized, child support, and a custody order that you both must follow. There's no rule that the more intimidating spouse gets to walk all over the other in a divorce. With that said, it would probably help significantly for you to have a local attorney assist you. You have the ability to file a motion asking that he be required to help you with legal expenses.
A judge can also order him to continue counseling, and if the need for counseling is in any way related to his ability to parent, you can request that visitation be suspended until it's completed. A judge can order him not to contact you for any reason not directly related to your daughter, which should stop nasty comments. He can also be ordered not to disparage you in front of your daughter. And if you have an attorney to help with the divorce, you can require that all communication go through that person. You don't have to talk to someone who is constantly putting you down.
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