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If you do not want to give up your parental rights and your right to visit with your child, do not let your ex bully you to do so. Once you do that, your entire battle is over and you no longer have any rights. You ask if a judge will allow it, yes if you agree to the step parent adoption, the judge will indeed approve it even though you have been fighting.
If you object to the step parent adoption and you show the court that the ex is fabricating reasons and is the cause of you not being able to see your child, the court will typically not approve the step parent adoption and you bear the burden of showing how it is not in the best interests of the child.
This is an important matter for you, I know funds are tight, but it is one that is most important and as such one you need to get another attorney involved in.