You weren't arrested because you were not charged with a crime. She took out a civil rather than a criminal protective order. That gives her a temporary order of protection and you must attend a hearing. The purpose of the hearing is for the judge to decide whether or not to grant a permanent order of protection.
At the hearing, the judge will hear evidence from both you and your wife. Your evidence can consist of your testimony, emails, phone records, text messages, witnesses, whatever you have which would show that what she has alleged about you is false and that she needs no protective order. She, of course, will try to produce what she can to show that you are a threat to her safety.
Since this is not a criminal matter, she doesn't have to prove that she needs an order beyond a reasonable doubt. You have to prove that she doesn't need an order by clear and convincing evidence. That is, if your evidence supports your position even a little better than her evidence supports hers, you can win this hearing.
I am fairly certain, however, that if you read your order, you are not just supposed to stay away from your residence but to stay away from your wife. You may not be the one to initiate contact with your wife, but you ARE having contact and contact is not allowed.
As I've said, the best way for this to resolve is if your wife either doesn't show up for the hearing or if she does and asks to withdraw the order. You do have substantial evidence that your wife is in no fear of you and is abusing the whole idea of the protective order by not keeping away. However that same evidence shows you in violation of the order if your order also says you must keep away from your wife and kids.
Is your wife willing to drop this order? If not, can you bring a lawyer to the proceedings? Did you ever tell your wife, "Hey, if you want to see me, lift the order because I am not allowed to talk to you?"