My ex wife and I share joint legal and physical custody
of our son, although we live cross country from one another. My son has expressed for the last year that he desperately wants to live with me, but I haven't discussed this with his mother
yet because she has a tendency to make everything difficult, and do all she can to keep my son from me, so I've been trying to figure out how to broach the subject. She has also disregarded our visitation
order for this summer's visitation (as far as her responsibilities are concerned, he is here with me now), has told my son that I am a liar (about what, I'm not sure) and has said other disparaging things to him about my wife and I recently, and moved from NC to Ohio last December, only giving me two week's notice that she was doing so (I was living in AZ at the time, but my parents and extended family
live in NC and had liberal visitation with him while he was there, as well as my wife's parents, who have been his Grandparents since he was 18 months old when my wife and I married, so she took him away from half of his extended family without any consent or adequate notice, he has no family in or ties to Ohio whatsoever, and this was done as a voluntary requested transfer through the Air Force, which means she didn't have to go anywhere). She is also in the midst of a divorce
from her current husband, who has been a great stepfather for the last 7 or so years, so he is taking that very hard. Our son has also said that my ex has a friend (female) living with them in their home with her children, who I don't know, and I was never notified of this other than by my son telling me. She has also recently become extremely verbally and psychologically abusive, with one episode concerning my son asking for a night light resulting in her kicking his door in, turning off all the lights, and locking him in his room, then sending her friend in later to take away a handheld gaming device he had turned on to use as a night light and verbally discipline him for it, then locking his door again. Our son is 10 and will be 11 in November. I am moving back to the east coast in August for work, so with me, he will again have liberal access to his extended family.
My question is this: If a mutual agreement between us cannot be made with regard to our son returning here before school starts if he goes back at all, to live with me, can he simply say here with me instead of returning to his mother (which would not be against the summer visitation order as she hasn't done what she was supposed to regarding those arrangements in order to exercise any summer visitation whatsoever) while I take the legal steps to modify custody through the courts? This is all in his best interest, and the question of him coming to live permanently with me was initiated by him, and he's been asking daily all summer for us to discuss it with his mom, because he doesn't want to go back. I just want my son to be safe and happy.