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Law Educator, Esq.
Law Educator, Esq., Lawyer
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 110540
Experience:  Experienced attorney: Family law, Estate Law, SS Law etc.
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Hello, thank you in advance for helping me with my question.

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Hello, thank you in advance for helping me with my question. Sorry for al the "extras" included.

A few weeks ago I posted a question regarding modification of a current visitation agreement. However, my husband informed me he is not pursuing a modification in visitation, but rather in physical and legal custody, and will- in fact- go back to court.

I do not want this. AT ALL. Frankly stated- I would pay money I don't have to stop this.

But hear me out first.

Although I support my husband's role as a father, the last time he went through the court system, not only did he get royally screwed based on false allegations, but the resulting stress, surrounding drama, and the extent to which these allegations went, left my husband in such shambles HE committed himself to suicide watch. I was left to deal with the emotional mess, as well as, deal with the mother's attacks that went beyond their parenting and on to our marriage and me as an individual (I was even accused of sexually abusing the girls- thankfully investigation found this to be bogus).

Therefore, I DO NOT WANT HIM GOING BACK TO COURT. To his and my credit, we both sought professional help and all things are good.

The problem is this: my husband has attempted to increase his visitation unofficially with the mother and not once has she agreed. Not a single time. However, there were three separate instances in which she needed for him to care for the girls, but unfortunately he could not because it was too soon to call out of work. I refuse to stay with the girls by myself for fear of history repeating itself. When asked her reasons for denying any sort of extra visitation, her answer is simple: "I don't have to" or, when she is in a really good mood, "I don't want to."

My question is, are there any strategies he could employ to increase his visitation? If she flat out continues to refuse, is court really the only option? She will literally not agree to anything beyond the minimal visitation he gets now, and actually challenges him to go back to court stating he will have to get a judge involved because he will see those girls "over [her] dead body."
Thank you for your question. I look forward to working with you to provide you the information you are seeking for educational purposes only.

Wow, your description of your husband's situation makes it sound impossible to deal with this without going to court or going to family counseling with her and the children.

She is correct in that without a judge involved that there is little your husband can do to get more visitation time. The only thing he can do without court, which you said you need to avoid because of how bad he lost the last time, is try to get her to agree to counseling for the good of the children and get her to go to family counseling with him and the children as well to try to resolve this.

Aside from counseling, there is no other strategy for your husband to use with someone like the mother who is refusing to allow him any more than the court has ordered and your husband's only other recourse would be that he needs to hire an attorney to go back to court to fight her for more time.

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Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Thank you very much for your response.


You have no clue.... :(


We literally just underwent a third ACS investigation, all within the space of one year. Surprise, surprise, results were: "unfounded."


I will propose this to my husband, but I hardly doubt either he or she will agree to counseling. He is "fed up" and she won't cooperate.


Roadblocks have nothing on his/our situation.


Thank you so much for your input.

Thank you for your response.

You could consider suing her for filing false ACS charges or complaints as well and use that as the basis for having the attorney seek change of custody.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

We've never heard of suing for false ACS charges/complaints.


First allegation, mother stated in court father AND I sexuall abuse kids, and we both neglect kids. Unfounded.


Second allegation, father and I both smoke marihuana while caring for the girls. Unfounded.


Third allegation: Youngest went home with what doctors described as a "superficial" scratch on her stomach. ACS agent told husband and I that mother said she is worried father and I beat the youngest. Unfounded.


All three investigations were produced during the custody dispute (except the last one). Does this matter? If not, is there another way to make this investigations relevant without going to court? (I'm assuming if we sue her, that means more court..... :Cry Embarassed

Thank you for your response.

There is no way to do anything in these cases without going to court I am afraid. However, if you prove all the complaints were false and unfounded, filing suit against her for filing the false complaints could be a recourse. Also, under Section 240.50 of the New York State Penal Law, falsely reporting an incident to the State Central Register is a Class A misdemeanor. You should report these false reports to your local District Attorney's office for review for prosecution.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

"There is no way to do anything in these cases withut going to court..."

I, too, was afraid you would say this after hearing the factors surrounding the case.


I suppose the mantra "go hard, or go home" applies.


UGH!! I hate this.


Thank you so much for your educated response, truly appreciate it. Thank you!



Thank you for your response.

Unfortunately, you are right, getting a decent attorney and going to court is the only way to really fight to resolve these situations.
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