Hello again worried -
If you are talking about forbidding her presence just for the first 2 visits at your parents home, I think that you still may be running the risk of a contempt of court citation but by the time your ex is able to get the matter back into court to complain to the judge, the time period for these two sessions will have passed. He may, however, refuse to come to those 2 visits until the court hears his motion for contempt citation so you may find yourself faced with another court date again before any of the visitations are to take place at all. My suggestion here is to try to be as reasonable as possible under the circumstances -- you want to come off looking like the level headed parent to the court and not a person who wants to keep the new wife out of the house due to simple jealousy (I know that is not the reason for this -- you simply do not want a twit around your kids -- but the court may view this differently -- and I also have a feeling that your ex may be getting cut a lot of slack here because he was a police officer -- even after they leave the job they all still look out for one another and that includes court officers and judges also -- I know this because I am a cop's kid and have seen it happen time and again). So, perhaps if you suggest to him that it might not be a good idea to bring her along at least on the first visit and if he does bring her along, he should probably keep it limited to just him and her because it will be much to disruptive for your child to handle too many people for a visitation that is supposed to be solely for the purpose of getting to know his child again. These are reasonable requests on your part and hopefully the court will view these requests in the same manner --- as Mom being reasonable and trying to cut down on emotional trauma -- rather than it being rooted in silly jealousy. If he still refuses such reasonable requests (she not be at the first visit and then only HER and him be introduced at the second visit) then I do believe that you should let him file a motion for contempt and go into the court and ask the judge for a court order to do it in the manner that you would like it to be accomplished. If nothing else, so long as your requests are reasonable, the judge should seriously consider your concerns for the welfare of your child and hopefully will see that your EX is the one who is doing his best to be deliberately hateful and unhelpful in this situation. I truly wish that I had an answer for you that stated "Do it this way...." or "You are on solid legal ground to keep her out, period" -- but such an answer does not exist and it seems that everything you are asking here will be in the eye of the beholder (the judge who is evaluating the present situation and how to best smoothe things over for your son).
Regarding the child support enforcement agency -- you should make it clear to them that you are not looking for them to determine where he is working and you will let them know whatever information that you have on that subject - what you want them to do is to keep the case open and keep any arrears piling up against him and then you want them to do their jobs and send his information to the DMV to have his licensed suspended when he fails to pay the arrears or when it gets too high and to notify the US Dept of Health and Human Services to have his rights to a passport revoked -- these are the things that you want them to make sure that they handle - as they are legally supposed to be handling -- and not let anything slip through the cracks or delay anything because he is an ex cop (and I would certainly state that to the child support enforcement agent and the supervisor -- ask them if they are giving special consideration to him because he is an ex cop and why does he still have a driver's license then? ) It is not the judge or the family court who makes these decisions regarding how far to pursue the arrears in child support -- it is the supervisor of the office in the county who handles your case. They are right when they tell you that they cannot track down where he is working if he does not report it to the tax authorities -- none of the child support enforcement agencies in the US will go that far -- but you just want them to do what they are legally supposed to be doing and nothing more.
Regarding my colleague, D Kennedy -- I had not seen him online for a few days so that is why I thought to step into the question so you would not be left hanging. Sometimes the Just Answer home pages will show an expert online who is NOT on line and vice versa (it has happened to me at times). Certainly you should direct another separate question at him and see if he is interested in continuing with you on these matters (I take no offense on that issue and as I said - just wanted to make sure you were answered by someone if he was not around for a few days) - if he wants to pick it up again that is not a problem with me. However, just to let you know this -- you do not have to stay with one lawyer or expert -- you can switch back and forth and get ideas from one of us or a few of us if you desire to do so. That is your complete perogative -- your choice -- because you are a regular customer on a subscription plan, you are not paying a separate fee for every question that you ask and that is answered -- you are paying one overall price to get as many questions asked and answered as you desire. So, you can ask 4 of us the same question all at once if you want different opinions and you are free to do that also. You should just make sure with customer service that you are still up to date on your subscription plan so that you are not paying for each individual question (sometimes a customer will not come back to the site for a few weeks and in the meantime their subscription plan has lapsed and they forgot to renew it so the website starts charging for each individual question -- so you want to make sure that you are on good footing there also). As the experts answering your questions, we are not paid anything at all for the answer unless you press a positive rating button underneath the ANSWER box that the expert has posted (a positive rating is pressing the 3rd, 4th or 5th smile face underneath each ANSWER box). Your pressing apositive rating button is the trigger that tells Just Answer to pay me for the answer I gave to you or to pay attorney Kennedy for the answer that he just gave to you.
So, I will be happy to respond to any additional questions whether you have Atty Kennedy respond in the future or not -- and if there is a time when you ask for him and do not hear anyting for a while, then you can certainly ask the same question of me a few hours later. All by your own choice.
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I understand your opinion.. its just so frustrating that someone is allowed to act like this and get away with it. The system is SO broken... I have gotten different opinions from friends and even an atty in wva. most say the visits are for him to get to know my son...but he cannot do anything without his now wife. i have offered to have a camcorder running for both our protection i just dont think its approporiate to have her inside my home...especially with their 10 month old son and now shes pregnant again...yes, you read that correctly..my son is 20 months, her son is 10 months and shes now 3 months pregnant again...he "claims" hes not working, yet purchased a trailer and his name is XXXXX XXXXX have two newer cars and live a lifestyle i only could wish for.
at this point, it is what it is, i will respond to his email with its not approporiate that she be present. this is time for him to bond with my son. he old needs to stomach me for 2-4 hour visits and then he can do what he wants. i would HOPE that a judge would see that he has missed almost two years of visitation because of this girl (i have a text from him stating that i am making him choose between his son and girlfriend and he will have both)... such a sad situation all around.
Hello again Debbie -
I do not think your position is unreasonable -- you are only talking about restricting the first two visits and nothing more. If this ends up in court, then you should stress to the judge that after the first two visits he is free to have his new wife and children around your son during the regularly scheduled visitation that he will have every other weekend after the first two weeks, Using this argument you may be able to get at least some restrictions on her presence during the first two visitations
Right now the agreement states he must do 2 supervised visits in my home for 4 hours... then every other saturday for 4 hours, after 6 months he will get every other sat and sun for 4 hours and he must stay in my home state and inform me where hes taking my son... after he completes that year hes entitled to overnights...
The attorney I spoke with about transferring everything from Maryland to WVA stated that since he has failed to show up for every single visitation and he "lost" his job due to depression and anxiety, i should persue visitation at my discretion only and supervised only.... what do you think?
That attorney was correct and forgive me because not being up to speed here I am not completely aware of what you have done through the courts to make the visitation as easy as possible on you and your son. You should bring a petition/motion for modification of visitation rights of the non custodial parent to try to get these visits more in line with what you believe is reasonable under the circumstances (it would also help if your son has a counselor who is willing to support you in such requests regarding your son's best interests). The fact that he has missed so many scheduled appointments in the past can be used against him -- but the court will not completely stop his visits for this reason or any other reason (including failing to pay child support) because the court has a continued interest in the case, the best way to start putting some limitations to his "rights" is to show to the court that his behavior has become so bad that it is no longer in the best interests of your child to set up unlimited unrestricted visits such as they type that had been arranged here in this case.
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