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Category: Family Law
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Experience:  30 years legal experience. I remain current in Family Law through regular continuing education.
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Oregon: I was never married to my childs mother. We agreed

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Oregon: I was never married to my child's mother. We agreed to mediation results back when she was 14 months old that with child support required me to help pay for daycare costs as well. Well she is 6 now and in school and we never updated the parenting plan to include school. My daughter's mother chooses to send her to a private school which has tuition costs that I don't pay as I'm not required to. I've made a stand that I'm not required to pay for any of the after school ymca care at the school on 3 days each week because she isn't able to pick her up due to her job. I'm a stay at home dad with our daughter's younger half brother I created with my current wife (a different woman) and there is a k-6 public elementary school right across the street from where I live. She is threatening to take me to court unless I pay half the YMCA costs. Am I in the right or what particular things should I consider doing regarding this?

Good afternoon,

I'm Doug, and I'm very sorry to hear of your situation. My goal is to provide you with excellent service today.

It is not unusual for a judge to order that each parent pay a portion of the after school care expensed for a minor child if the child needs to go to the daycare because the primary custodial parent needs to work. And often the judge will order a proportionate share be paid based on the incomes of each parent.

So, if you earn $80,000 per year (or you could if you were employed outside the home) and your ex earns $40,000 per year, it is quite possible that the court will order that you not only pay a share of the cost, but that you pay 2/3 of that cost based on your respective incomes.

The way around this is to offer to pick up your daughter and provide care and supervision after school, and your ex can pick your daughter up from your home after work those 3 days a week.

What you don't want to get involved in is a court battle over the after school care, because if she hires an attorney to handle this issue, the attorney will almost certainly seek a court order for part of the private schooling as well. And yes, you would argue that you don't want your other child in private school---but there is still a risk that the court could order you to pay part of the tuition anyway---and that potential mess you want to avoid.

As you are a stay at home dad, and you prefer to avoid the additional costs associated with after school care, you should seriously consider caring for your daughter after school.

Please keep in mind that, even though you have already paid your deposit money over to JustAnswer, until you rate me highly for my service, I will not be paid for having assisted you with your questions.

If you have additional questions, you may reply back to me using the Reply to Expert link and I will be happy to assist you further until your questions have been answered to your satisfaction.

I wish you the best in your future.


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Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I receive around $36,000 a year on VA disability. Her mom makes around the same amount. I've got the time to watch and care for her which would actually reduce costs. She stated to me in an email that her parents and her fiance help fund for our daughter's private schooling at is is her choice to send her to a private school, whereas the public school where I live is free and I'm able to walk her across the street to and from school. We both have joint custody of our child, she just maintains the majority control of her.

Good afternoon,

Thank you for the additional information.

Based on your limited income, and because the income that your spouse earns is not considered for this purpose, I see no realistic way that the court will order you to pay part of the private schooling for your daughter.

It has been my pleasure to assist you and I hope you will ask for me on JustAnswer should a future need ever arise.

If you have any follow-up questions to my answers here, you may come back and ask them in this thread---at no additional charge------and I will be happy to assist you.

Please feel free to bookmark the following link so you can request me to answer any future legal questions you may have:

Thanks again.


Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I was indicating the income of my daughter's mom, whom this whole debate is disagreement between her and me is about. She makes, by now, more than me, but last I knew she made the same as me.


But I'm just more curious if I should stand up against her threatening to take me to court over this after school care, or YMCA at it is referred to, when I have a clear alternative that would actually save her money.


I agreed to half of day care, although stated as child care on the parenting plan, back in March 2008, with no indication on there for when our daughter is attending school.


I can't afford to drive over to pick our daughter up at school everyday if she attends her mom's private school choice just to avoid the YMCA costs yet at my location there wouldn't be any ymca costs.

Good afternoon,

You wrote: But I'm just more curious if I should stand up against her threatening to take me to court over this after school care, or YMCA at it is referred to, when I have a clear alternative that would actually save her money. Your alternative, if it is not for you to personally watch your daughter, will not fly with the court, because you do not have the right to dictate where your daughter is cared for when she is not with you during your periods of custody.So, don't point to the public school nearby and expect the judge to be impressed. If you want to fight her, then offer to car for your daughter, yourself.

The court is NOT going to differentiate between your prior agreement to pay half of daycare when it was before your daughter started school and now.

If you choose not to be able to afford to pick your daughter up, then ask your ex to pay you a small monthly fee to do that. But I am here to tell you, that if you don't agree to watch your daughter, I fully expect the court to order you to pay half he expenses of after-school childcare.


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