Thank you for your patience
First some background information
A divorce can either be contested or not contested.
Uncontested; Now the fastest, (and by far the least expensive) way to get a divorce is if you can agree on the terms. If you can agree on "who gets what" there is not a need for attorneys...this will cut the costs to a very small amount (court fees)
Contested; if you can not agree, this is a contested divorce. To proceed you need an attorney or need to act as your own attorney (very bad idea). Here the parties present evidence to the court on "who gets what" and the court decides. This take longer and involves attorney fees for both sides.
SO, if you can agree with your "soon to be ex" on who gets what, great! If not, you need an attorney.
And this is likely the most significant decision you both will make.
If you can agree it really is a simple process....sure, you have to sort through the “stuff” you have accumulated over the many years...but you have say in the process and you are not both paying a lawyer to fight for the stuff.
And the costs can add up. Quickly. $10K-$20K for a contested divorce is cheap...and that is for each party. So figure if you can not work this out nicely (or at least civilly), you can watch $20K-$40K of your marital assets flow to lawyers pocketbooks
I asked about potential marital infidelity since that would be one grounds for a “fault” divorce. If you can not agree on how to split up the assets, it could be worth it to file for a “fault” divorce. Most common is adultery...if you can show that one spouse committed adultery, that would allow the court to grant a larger share of the marital estate to the other spouse
But what you describe, it does not sound like that is an option.
I would urge you to negotiate with her to see if she will agree to terms of a divorce. You can truly “do it yourself” with a kit like this one
If you can get her to agree? You can move on and BOTH save a good bit of money
If you can not convince her to agree? Then I would consider hiring a local attorney to help you file for a contested divorce
please let me know if you have more questions, happy to help if I can