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I am truly sorry for your difficulties. I don't know what to tell her to do. I told her to just not answer her phone until I could try to get some sort of answer for her. Can anyone please help me? Response: I am truly sorry for your difficulties. I have a very easy answer for you: Your daughter does not have to go and see her father. If he is going to be unreasonable, he should not be rewarded for being a bully. It is quite ridiculous that he is only paying $25.00 a week for two teenagers and the Court even allowed the reduction when he voluntarily quit his job as he promised to do. The Court should have imputed the income on him—the Court should not have reduced the amount of his support. Let him call his Attorney and go back to Court. Then your daughter as a teenager would get opportunity to tell the Court how her father has treated and threatened her. You should also file contempt action against him for non-payment of child support. The botXXXXX XXXXXne is, you and the children do not have to take the abuse from him anymore. Let him go to Court and file contempt action against you and then you and the children would go to Court and tell the Court about his abusive behavior. Think of his Court case as an opportunity to expose his bullying tactics to the Court. Do not be intimidated by him.
So, should she return his call and tell him that she is not going to come over or just not respond to him nor answer her phone? Or, should I be the one to call and tell him that she won't be coming over?
He continues to try to contact her and I'm afraid that if he doesn't get a response and is possibly drinking that he may show up at our front door.
She is afraid to even not answer her phone as he keeps trying to reach her and it is worrying her so much. In his last message, he told her that he would have me arrested for not following court orders if she didn't come over on Father's Day. I told her that wouldn't happen and not to worry about that happening but he has her confident that something bad will happen if she doesn't return his call and go over there on Sunday but she is in tears just thinking about having to even talk to him again tonight.
I feel so bad for her and so helpless.
I think that she would be okay going into court and telling the judge how he treats her (my son is now over 18) unless she has to do it in front of him. He is very intimidating as is his attorney and I think that it would scare her too much if she had to talk 'about' him 'in front' of him.
When we went to court over the child support, he had his attorney with him and I was by myself as I just can't afford one being on disability. When I tried telling the judge how he had told my daughter that he would quit his job, his attorney interrupted me and pulled out a piece of paper from my ex husband's boss stating that he was laid off due to lack of work.
I know that he asked his boss to specifically write this because we used to work for the same company and his boss and him were/are very close friends so I know that he was just covering for him. Anyway, so I got shot down quickly.
And when the judge was working on determining the new support, his attorney was quick to point out that my daughter was receiving money every month as well as part of my disability which I don't think should have been added into my income but he had the attorney and I didn't.
Thank you for helping me with this. I let her read your last response to me and it did make her feel a bit better but she is still unsure as to how to handle the current situation with his calls and demands. I think that she should just ignore any phone calls and not listen to any more of his voice mails because they just upset her more and then just let him get the picture on his own that she won't be coming over on Sunday.
Do you think that is the best way to handle it?
Give him a call and let him know that your daughter would not be coming to visit him because she is afraid of him. Tell your daughter to ignore his phone calls and other contacts.
Next time you go back to Court for Child Support, do not let the Judge brush you aside. Demand to have your say. These things happen where the Judge let one side talk. It happens to Attorneys also. You should stand your ground. Otherwise, if you feel that the Judge is not being fair, you can file complaint against the Judge with Judicial Misconduct Commission (Michigan Judicial Tenure Commission):
His “former employer” should be ashamed for letting him get away not paying Child Support. You should bring that up again when you go back for Child Support.
Let me know If you need anything else,
I just wanted to thank you for your advise and assistance tonight. It ended up that we didn't have to contact him at all.
Right before I received your last response, her dad played the 'Grandma' card. His mom called my daughter and told her that her dad had called her telling her that my daughter was being 'mean' to him, hanging up on him and wouldn't spend Father's Day with him for reasons he didn't know and was really hurt by the whole thing. (I can't believe that he even went there!)
I was surprised but my daughter told her everything. How he belittles her all the time and threatens her - everything came out in the open - finally. By the end of their conversation, Grandma was pretty upset with her son and said she was going to call him and have a talk with him because it was inexcusable that he was treating his own daughter that way. (I don't think that went quite as he expected it to go! But it won't end there.)
We weren't sure if her dad would call her again and hopefully apologize to her after that or if he would be so angry that he wouldn't call back and would go ahead and contact his attorney tomorrow as promised.
He didn't call back so I'm assuming that we'll end up back in court. He's not only mean but will also go out of his way to make sure that he 'gets' his way. (I think that you will find the next paragraphs interesting...)
The judge that was originally assigned to oversee our child support case unfortunately passed away so our case was deferred to another judge on a different day. I showed up for the hearing 'when' and 'where' it said on my paperwork that my ex's attorney sent to me but when I went to check in, they told me that my hearing was actually 3 hours earlier and with a different judge so it was showing in the system that I was a 'No Show' for my court date.
I showed my paperwork to the Court Clerk and she was stunned because she said that it appeared that my ex's attorney had intentionally put the wrong information down on my paperwork that his office sent to me so I would purposely show up in the wrong courtroom at the wrong time and miss the hearing. His lawyer is the one that wrote out the paperwork not his assistant or anyone else in his office and there was only (1) one date and time in the court computer system for the new hearing so she didn't understand where he would have even gotten the information that he sent to me unless it was done deliberately.
The judge that put me down for 'not appearing' then set it up to where we would just go before a magistrate so they could get set the figures for the new support order. I had already lost the case when I didn't appear.
So, my ex and his attorney had me set up for the whole thing and I didn't have a chance at all in winning my case. I did try to bring this up before the Magistrate and his attorney solemnly told the Judge that it was an honest mistake on his part. And then here in Michigan, you can only petition the court to review child support once every 2 years and they knew that after I lost this time in court and it was lowered back to the $25.00 a week, in 2 years my daughter would be just about 18 so I wouldn't have another chance to get it raised. Very sneaky.
'That' is the type of man he is and why my daughter is scared of what he may do next. I have to say that it frightens me a bit as well knowing how sneaky both him and his attorney are. There is no telling what they will try to do to me if it goes to court if he pushes it about her not coming to see him. And I just can't afford to have an attorney represent me to stand by me in court to stop anything him and his lawyer try to do. If they lie in any way as they have done in the past in order to make her 'have' to go and see him or to try and get him full custody (which he has also threatened to do), there is no telling what will happen. I can't fight a dirty war all on my own and expect to win it. And not only is my ex mean but he is also a habitual liar so I understand why my daughter is so scared about what he is going to do.
I will file that contempt action about the child support and am going to also make an appointment to talk with my Child Support caseworker at Friend of the Court so that I can let them know about him quitting his job as promised so that he wouldn't have to pay more support. Maybe with their help, I can get it back before another judge to have another look at it but he is still collecting unemployment so I highly doubt they will raise it.
Anyway, I just wanted to thank you for your advice about this weekend and to also tell you what had transpired over the evening. I appreciate knowing that she doesn't have to go over to his house and put up with his abuse. Plus, it has actually been really nice to share what him and his lawyer have done with an attorney even though I know you can't help me. It has also reminded me just how ruthless he can be.
I wish that I could hire a lawyer to help us with this situation knowing how unethical his lawyer operates. I'm almost positive that his attorney is a close friend of his because I don't see how he could even afford to hire one when he complains all the time about not even being able to afford the $25.00 a week in support when the only income he has coming in is his unemployment. Thank you once again. Most Respectfully.
Thank you for the update. I am glad that your daughter did not have to deal with his dad. Nevertheless, that is quite said. Anyway, do not let the fact that he has an Attorney and you do not intimidate you. You know your case more than any Attorney. All you have to work on is to make sure not to lose your temper. Yes, I know it is easier said than done, but do try. Try writing down your thoughts on a piece of paper and take it with you to the Court. So, if he starts lying, you just use the note to calm yourself down. Yes, you need to pursue the Child Support. It is quite outrageous that he is only paying $25.00 for his kids and he calls himself a dad. Hang in there, stick to the points when you go to Court and you would be alright.
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