We live in Michigan (myself, my ex-husband, my son and my daughter). I have been divorced since 2005. My 16 year daughter lives with me and the court order was that she would see her dad every other weekend.
Since the time we divorced, she REFUSED to spend the night with him so he would pick her up and spend a few hours with her on Saturday, bring her back home for the night and then pick her back up on Sunday again.
We divorced because he is an alcoholic and was verbally, emotionally and mentally abusive to both me and my kids.
It has gotten to the point where she does not want to go and see him and their visits have gotten fewer and fewer. Sometimes he will go for 2 months without calling her or wanting her to come over.
However, over the past year he has started treating her really badly. He will call her (she says that it sounds like he is drunk some of the times) and yell at her over nothing, put her down telling her she is stupid and treating her as such and just about every time he calls her, she ends up in tears.
Now, my daughter is anything but stupid. She is one of the 'good' kids. Gets all A's with maybe 1 or 2 high B's in school, she takes all advanced classes, all of her teachers (even the ones that she hasn't had for classes) just love her and are always talking about what a great girl she is. She has great friends, is against drinking and drugs. She just has really great morals.
She plans on going to college to get her Doctorate in Psychology and even when she told him this, he laughed and put her down telling her "Good Luck with that". Her grades are never good enough for him, he accuses her of running around with boys and thinks that she is forever hiding things.
But this is a girl that is mostly concerned about her education, doesn't have a boyfriend and spends most of her time either studying or reading. (She just loves the Classics!)
He is the type of guy that when our 15 yr old son didn't call and thank him for the $20.00 he sent to him for his birthday, wrote him off, stopped talking to him and didn't even acknowledge his graduation.
He has been calling her this week about coming over for Father's Day but instead of being nice about it he has been his same old self and she has been a nervous wreck all week.
He told her today that "he needed to sit her down and have a serious talk with her about the way she is and that it is his 'right' to see her". He told her that if she didn't come over to see him on Sunday that he would call his attorney and take me to court.
He fought me in court a few months ago because ever since the divorce
he has only been paying $25.00 a week in support for 2 kids. He is lazy and never holds a job for very long so when he finally did get a good paying job, I petitioned the court for more support. (He was also supposed to be providing her insurance but didn't so I had her on my policy and paid for it myself). I was granted the increase.
He called her after he got the petition for more support and told her that if his child support
was raised that he would just take a voluntary lay-off and go back on unemployment so he wouldn't have to pay it and that is just what he did. He took me back to court and got it lowered back to the $25.00 a week about 5 months ago however I have not received support for (4) four months now.
So, today as he was yelling at her and threatening
to "call his lawyer", she just hung up on him deciding that she wasn't going to take it anymore. He called back and left a voice mail threatening her once again which of course made her cry because she doesn't want to 'make things harder on me'. (I had to go on Social Security Disability last summer and there are days that I can't even walk due to a degenerative disease that is causing me to have to have both of my hips replaced and then lower back surgery).
She says that she wouldn't mind going over there to see him if he would stop threatening her and stop yelling all the time and stop implying that she is stupid along with all of the other rotten things he says to her but that she doesn't want to go and deal with it this weekend when he is acting the way he is because all he is going to do is be abusive toward her which after being married to him for almost 14 years, I can totally understand because he can be really mean and once he starts going on and on, he honestly will not stop until he breaks you down. I lived through it and so did my son and I refuse to make her have to go through that. She is 16 and does not deserve to be treated that way.
Like I said, she is a very 'good' girl, or rather 'young lady' that works really hard in school so that she can get into a good college and only hangs out with a few other kids that have the same values as herself.
I don't know what to tell her to do. I told her to just not answer her phone until I could try to get some sort of answer for her. Can anyone please help me?