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Dimitry K., Esq.
Dimitry K., Esq., Attorney
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 37665
Experience:  I provide family and divorce law advice to my clients in my firm.
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I assumed paternity to my ex girlsfriends child whom she told

Customer Question

I assumed paternity to my ex girlsfriends child whom she told was mine and I believed at the time was mine. I have since split from her due to her domestic violence and irrational behavior that yes was brought up in court when we originally established paternity and a child custody visitation scheduled. I have cared for our Daughter during my time as well as anytime she requested in addition to my time. She is now just two and I am fully aware that she is not biologically mine she looks nothing like me and in fact looks like her, the mom's ex boyfriend whom had red hair like my Daughter.
Now the mom is taking me to court for full custody, I don't want to drag my Daughter though a court battle everytime the mom gets upset which her parents are footing the fee for her attorney and assigning the cost to me?? by the way. So now that she is asking for full custody, having been a child of a custody battle I know the scars all too well.

after having legally assuming paternity, now that the mother of the child is requesting sole custody and being aware my Daughter is truly not my daughter is there a legal way to step out of this and not be financially tied to this? If I were allowed to continue my 50% of child custody I would not be asking this.

her parents again have money to burn apparently and she wants sole custody I see that it is a no win for my Daughter. I'm inclined to proved she is not biologically mine, I was deceived and let her have total custody.

what is the best route to go not having money for an attorney and now being served with an OSC tomorrow 8am?

Saddened assumed Dad..

thank you
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Dimitry K., Esq. replied 1 year ago.
Thank you for your question. Please permit me to assist you with your concerns.

Hmm, this is a bit complicated. Did she ever come out and tell you that the child is not yours? You did end up waiving paternity on your own, correct?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
No she has not admitted it. I am going to do one of the OTC DNA tests. EXPARTE hearing yesterday judge told the mother she has to comply with current orders. The ex girlfriends attorney continues to demand a copy of my lease as wel las my current girlfriends CDL and oroof if car insurance as she drives me to pick up and drop off the child. I may wish to deny paternity because the mother is so destructive. If I am correct this is not my child after leagally assuming paternity because we lived together and had been together for years us is possible to denounced paternity and child support over being deceived and obviously cheated on?
Expert:  Dimitry K., Esq. replied 1 year ago.

Thank you for your follow-up. I appreciate the additional details.

The information I may provide you may not be favorable, so kindly do not blame the proverbial messenger. I wish to ensure that you have the best information that you can obtain, so that you can make the best decision going forward. Also, to ensure I do not miss anything, I will respond to your post line by line to ensure that I do not miss anything.

No she has not admitted it.
This is a problem. Without her admission, or an admission from the real parent, you are deemed the legal parent since you voluntarily assumed the duties. While you can argue that you obtained a legitimate suspicion that the child may not be yours, it is likely not good enough to claim a right to a paternity test and a renunciation of rights when those rights were voluntarily taken up.

I am going to do one of the OTC DNA tests.
Those tests are not admissible in court as evidence. While it may provide you with personal understanding of the situation, even if the test shows what you believe to be true, a judge does not have to accept it.

EXPARTE hearing yesterday judge told the mother she has to comply with current orders. The ex girlfriends attorney continues to demand a copy of my lease as wel las my current girlfriends CDL and oroof if car insurance as she drives me to pick up and drop off the child.
That is a legitimate request since the child is in the hands of the third party. You could potentially ask to redact the information, that is, get a court order that would forbid the other attorney to provide the information to your ex, but he could review and satisfy that she does have a driver's license.

I may wish to deny paternity because the mother is so destructive.
I understand but it does not quite work that way--her behavior does not grant the other party the right or the ability to seek a removal of their own parental rights.

If I am correct this is not my child after legally assuming paternity because we lived together and had been together for years us is possible to denounced paternity and child support over being deceived and obviously cheated on?
I am sorry but no. This is a situation where either the other parent, the real parent, must come forth and seek his rights, or she has to come forth, state that the child is not yours, and give you a legitimate excuse to seek a potential check on paternity. Even so, until someone else comes forward to take over your parental rights, even if it is found that you are not the biological father, you remain the 'legal' parent and consequently remain responsible for support. I realize that is unfair in many respects, but the courts see it as a situation where if one parent took on the responsibility, he continues with such a responsibility, akin to an adoption situation where the child is not biologically the parent's.

Good luck.

Dimitry K., Esq., Attorney
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 37665
Experience: I provide family and divorce law advice to my clients in my firm.
Dimitry K., Esq. and 6 other Family Law Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


I understand. thank you. So if say my mom wishes to assume parental rights, ( the ex GF and her parents will most likely then revoke them) sort of a go around. Knowing there is a risk they will not knowing she makes decent money, would then my mom be able to have the same rights as the "other parent" me in this case?


my mom is an RN, ex NICU RN and although not wanting to take custody away from the mom, sure could the mom is currently doing drugs and has issues that are of concern for the outcome of the child hense when realized who she looks like ( a mutual friend, or so I thought of ours, my ex and myself) my reason for seeking counsel I do not wish to go to court over and over I'd like to get my life in order and move forward with my new GF who is very appropriate and we are in a much better place.


 


thank you

Expert:  Dimitry K., Esq. replied 1 year ago.

Thank you for your follow-up.

"Parental rights" are not the same as custodial rights--'parental rights' are only obtained by parents. If you say your mother wishes to assume parental rights, it means that your mother is going to pursue an adoption of the children and will attempt to sever the parental rights that you and your ex maintain to the child. What she could pursue are 'custodial rights', that is, being a custodial party who can make legal decisions but is not a parent herself.

Hope that clarifies.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.


I guess I'm not clear then because i understood that to be albe to renouce my paternity I thought you stated i needed someone to assume parental rights in my place. ?


 


Severing parental rights seems severe, while may be best for the child now as the baby mama does struggle with mental health issues and is non compliant with taking her medications.


 


If I understand correctly, would then my mom is agreeable to be the parent, but the words are "custodial rights vs parental rights". my mom's concern is to protect the child and hopefully have the courts order psychological mental health for the baby mama. Best case for her to take her meds, be well and care for the child appropriately, stop theatening me and allow me to do my share then.


 


that's in a perfect world. that's not going to happen so alternately my mom would have to seek to have custodial rights. Are they = to what the baby mamas rights are, ie seek health care, education input etc.?

Expert:  Dimitry K., Esq. replied 1 year ago.

Thank you for your follow-up.


I guess I'm not clear then because i understood that to be able to renounce my paternity I thought you stated i needed someone to assume parental rights in my place. ?

It is not quite that simple. The courts would have to permit you to renounce and approve the other party to step in as the replacement parent. You are confusing being a parent with being a guardian--that is a different. Someone can become a guardian of a child without being a parent, which is what would happen if your mother would attempt to pursue custodial rights.

 

 

 

Severing parental rights seems severe, while may be best for the child now as the baby mama does struggle with mental health issues and is non compliant with taking her medications.

Still would take the courts to agree. Courts will not allow you to sever your rights without having some other responsible parent take over as a parent, not just as a guardian.

 

 

If I understand correctly, would then my mom is agreeable to be the parent, but the words are "custodial rights vs parental rights". my mom's concern is to protect the child and hopefully have the courts order psychological mental health for the baby mama. Best case for her to take her meds, be well and care for the child appropriately, stop theatening me and allow me to do my share then.

That would be her stepping in as guardian, not parent.

 

 


that's in a perfect world. that's not going to happen so alternately my mom would have to seek to have custodial rights. Are they = to what the baby mamas rights are, ie seek
Right, that is generally how it plays out. Your mother could potentially seek custodial rights and try to take away custodial rights from both you and the mother. That would not terminate your parental obligations, you would still be required to pay child support, for example.

Good luck.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.


thank you for your patience and clarification it is complicated.


 


seems then she only wants money if she wants me out of the childs life ( what the baby mama is asking the court for me to have supervised everyother weekend) , they wont order it, I have no criminal activity on my record and do not do drugs, my mistake was to love someone that was not mentally healthy. anyway, botXXXXX XXXXXne i see is unless the person whom I feel is the true biological father would have to be willing to say so and be proven as so.


my only question left is since the OTC tests are not submittable in court, even if the person whom i believe to be the bio dad agrees, the court wont even look at it unless the baby mama agrees? wow, mom's have too much power in these situations as there is never a question as to who the mom is but obviously us men are left with hoping we are not being lied to and cheated on to find out only after the child is a mirror imagine of this so called mutual friend. She looks more like him that she does the mother. And needless to say nothing like myself.


 


again I'd be more than happy to "peacefully" parent this child. However the ex is never going to allow peace to occur.


 


the judge did allow her to come to my new GF residence to proof I life there, I provided not only the attorney a DMV print out of my address but a police report stating they had confirmed my CDL.


as well as confirmed the drivers, insurance, CDL and that was unsatisfactory for this baby mama.


 


she wants control where she can no longer have it , ME. So in the end it seems that unless I can prove she is totally unfit i'm glued to this control maniac for the next 16 years.


 


thank you.


 


 

Expert:  Dimitry K., Esq. replied 1 year ago.

I agree that the process is a bit one-sided. I also agree that males do tend to be left in a far weaker and at times a far less fair situation. The issue about admission of the paternity is not just because the mother won't allow it, it is because you voluntarily agreed to be the father and did not get a paternity test then. This would be considered a 'waiver', and now the only way to un-waive this, in a manner of speaking, is to show new outside evidence, such as a new person coming forward claiming that he is the real father, or having the mother admit that you aren't the father. OTC tests are not admitted because the courts cannot be sure that the results are either accurate or were not some contaminated during testing--this is why they require official results as those are conducted in more sterile and more controlled surroundings.

Good luck.

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