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If you cannot get your husband to sign off on the retirement terms you want, the current terms will remain in effect. These probably include some sort of spousal survivorship provisions. You cannot force your spouse to sign to change the retirement plan payout terms. Laws were put in place to protect spouses from losing retirement benefits.
As a married couple your spouse has an interest in your retirement. Whether or not you give him any money while you are married is up to you. If you divorce it is likely he will get some benefit from your retirement.
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This communication does not establish an attorney-client relationship.Information provided here is not legal advice. Rather it is simply general information.