Hi, thanks for your inquiry! I have been practicing family law for 17+ years and have specific experience with issues like yours. That being said... Yes, you can do this and it is fairly simple. See below:
I am in the process of getting a divorce from my wife which has not been filed yet. We have 2 children together and share custody which was setup by us and is not court ordered. I have recently moved into a new apartment where I bring the kids to spend time with me but I do not want to give her my new address because I believe she will come here unannounced or possible cause vandalism to my car as I am the one that left her and she is quite mad about it. Do I have to give her my new address? I am in Oregon.
In Oregon, you can use a contact address on your papers. When you file your dissolution papers, you will mark "withheld" in the places you would have filled in your residential address. With your dissolution filing, you will file a request (Ex Parte Motion) to have this particular address information undisclosed. Here are the directions and the forms. You will want to get a non-disclosure Order from the Judge to ensure that you have waived personal service, and to make sure the court and the other party no how and where to serve you. Typically, it would be to a different contact address and by certified mail, r.r.r.
Of course, normally a parent could demand that she know where her children will be staying, so she can be assured it is in a suitable neighborhood, clean, safe, etc. So if she demands that, you will likely have to convince the court that you are in danger or that she IS otherwise being unreasonable. If you already have a restraining order, that would be helpful, or if there were prior 911 calls due to her dangerous behavior, that would be helpful. Unannounced appearances are not illegal, of course, but could be if they became harassing. (And certainly keying your car would not be permitted.) A court will likely not order non-disclosure of where her children will be spending their time based on your fears if there is no reasonable basis for those concerns because this would be akin to a prior restraint on your wife's freedoms to come and go. Of course, you are not required to let her IN your home. But if she has an established history of violence or destruction of your property, that is a number one reason for an order.
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