How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Samuel II Your Own Question

Samuel II
Samuel II, Attorney at Law
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 22348
Experience:  General practice of law with emphasis in family law.
10707909
Type Your Family Law Question Here...
Samuel II is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Good Morning. I have a very challenging situation and I have

Customer Question

Good Morning. I have a very challenging situation and I have done months of searching and research. I’ve talked with local social workers, counselors, and parenting class instructors.
About 5-6 years ago I dated a young lady. During this relationship conception occurred with Twin girls. Unfortunately this young lady I dated was also getting involved with her ex-husband. Paternity of the twin girls was in question during the pregnancy. In the end this young lady decided to work on things with her ex-husband and that she did not want to do paternity and broke off contact / disappeared. It took me 4 years to track her down.
In September 2012 she was served with a Statement of Paternity requesting the courts to require a DNA test and declare me the father of the girls. After much legal stalling DNA testing is happening on February 24th, 2013. I will get the results about a week or two later. The twins share a lot of similar features to me and one of the girls is a spitting image of one of my toddler pictures when I was her age. I feel strongly that DNA is going to come back and declare me the biological father.
The twins are now 4 years old and they do not even know I exist. The twins as far as I know have called my ex’s ex-husband dad. I do know that my ex and her ex-husband split up again in 2010 and he moved away. It is quite possible he has not had as strong as a role in their life since the split. My ex is now with a new partner as far as I understand that she lives with and just had a little boy with him in September of 2012.
The twins have an older sister and a younger brother. It is very likely all conceived children by my ex have a different father.
I will be going through the legal process if the DNA shows me as the father to establish my rights. I am well aware of the confusing and complicated situation this is and I understand the girls are very young and not able to address the complexities of this situation and I want to limit their exposure to it as much as I possibly can.
With the above said, as I mentioned I’ve consulted different professionals with their thoughts and how to approach the situation with the girls. Some have compared it to kidnapping (legal kidnapping) and that even if a child never met a biological parent the bond is still missing / there for the children to want to naturally bond and accept their biological parentage.
So one of the primary questions that is plaguing me that I have been unable to answer: “How and when do I tell the girls that I am their biological father?”
I understand that question is complex as the big variable is it depends on the children. I am curious about other thoughts and perspectives. I’ve taken a Child Behavior and Development course when I was in college and I’ve taken several parenting classes but nothing touches this area / question.
Because of the mixed responses or avoidance I’ve had with the question I’ve come to a different thought process and also want to get a little feedback on it. The children currently carry the surname of their assumed father. Part of my petition will be to add my particulars to the birth certificate but due to this situation I have the right to fight for the children’s surname to be my own or a hyphenated version of my last name and the mother’s surname.
My thought process is that at 4 years of age they really won’t recognize the name change as much as they would later in life. They are also not in school yet to have their current names used consistently. By changing their last name at this age to mine they can adjust to the new last name and probably have some questions about the change that can easily be distracted from or answered plainly without any details. As the girls would get visitation time with me they would eventually come to realize we share the same last name and when they are ready will start poising questions to me about our similar last name etc.. Which I feel would allow the girls to open the door when they are ready versus trying to guess or decide when the best time to tell them would be..
So in the end I am looking for feedback to my question poised above as well as the thoughts of the surname change and allowing the girls to come to me when they are ready to ask those types of questions or even their mom.
If there is basis / strength to the surname idea I am curious if there are any articles or journals out there that I have been unable to find that may assist my case quoting professionals in the field of child psychology.
I appreciate your time in reading this.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Samuel II replied 1 year ago.

Samuel-II :

Hi

Samuel-II :

First of all I want to state that I do not have any journals for you to read, unfortunately.

Samuel-II :

But the good news is the twins are still young, as you note - and therefore, they are very flexible.

Samuel-II :

And while they may have a man in the house who is their Mother's boyfriend, it will not be the same as when you are revealed as the Biological Father.

Samuel-II :

I suggest you might want to do some family counseling with them at some point, but at the age of 4 they are going to be young enough that the situation is not going to phase them too much I suggest that once you get visitations and start to bond with them, if you feel this whole issue is too much for them or having an adverse affect then the counseling is the way to go

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Not only did he answer my Michigan divorce question but was also able to help me out with it, too. I have since won my legal case on this matter and thank you so much for it. Lee Michigan
< Last | Next >
  • Not only did he answer my Michigan divorce question but was also able to help me out with it, too. I have since won my legal case on this matter and thank you so much for it. Lee Michigan
  • Mr. Kaplun clearly had an exceptional understanding of the issue and was able to explain it concisely. I would recommend JustAnswer to anyone. Great service that lives up to its promises! Gary B. Edmond, OK
  • My Expert was fast and seemed to have the answer to my taser question at the tips of her fingers. Communication was excellent. I left feeling confident in her answer. Eric Redwood City, CA
  • I am very pleased with JustAnswer as a place to go for divorce or criminal law knowledge and insight. Michael Wichita, KS
  • PaulMJD helped me with questions I had regarding an urgent legal matter. His answers were excellent. Three H. Houston, TX
  • Anne was extremely helpful. Her information put me in the right direction for action that kept me legal, possible saving me a ton of money in the future. Thank you again, Anne!! Elaine Atlanta, GA
  • It worked great. I had the facts and I presented them to my ex-landlord and she folded and returned my deposit. The 50 bucks I spent with you solved my problem. Tony Apopka, FL
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Ely

    Counselor at Law

    Satisfied Customers:

    8085
    Private practice with focus on family, criminal, PI, consumer protection, and business consultation.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RA/ratioscripta/2012-6-13_2955_foto3.64x64.jpg Ely's Avatar

    Ely

    Counselor at Law

    Satisfied Customers:

    8085
    Private practice with focus on family, criminal, PI, consumer protection, and business consultation.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/LA/LawTalk/2012-6-6_17379_LawTalk.64x64.JPG LawTalk's Avatar

    LawTalk

    Attorney and Counselor at Law

    Satisfied Customers:

    6424
    27+ years legal experience. I remain current in Family Law through regular continuing education.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/FL/FLAandNYLawyer/2012-1-27_14349_3Fotolia25855429M.64x64.jpg FiveStarLaw's Avatar

    FiveStarLaw

    Lawyer

    Satisfied Customers:

    6336
    25 years of experience helping people like you.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/dkaplun/2009-05-17_173121_headshot_1_2.jpg Dimitry K., Esq.'s Avatar

    Dimitry K., Esq.

    Attorney

    Satisfied Customers:

    5987
    I provide family and divorce law advice to my clients in my firm.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/MU/multistatelaw/2011-11-27_173951_Tinaglamourshotworkglow102011.64x64.jpg Tina's Avatar

    Tina

    Lawyer

    Satisfied Customers:

    5773
    JD, 15 years legal experience including family law
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/BrianTMayer/2010-01-06_200119_BM.jpg Brandon M.'s Avatar

    Brandon M.

    Family Law Attorney

    Satisfied Customers:

    3810
    Attorney experienced in all aspects of family law
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/TU/TUSA/2012-6-6_55219_test.64x64.png Thoreau (T-USA)'s Avatar

    Thoreau (T-USA)

    Lawyer

    Satisfied Customers:

    2634
    Attorney
 
 
 

Related Family Law Questions

Chat Now With A Family Lawyer
Samuel II
Samuel II
Family Lawyer
22348 Satisfied Customers
General practice of law with emphasis in family law.