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Lucy, Esq.
Lucy, Esq., Lawyer
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 25037
Experience:  Attorney with experience in family law.
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How can I determine if Im getting a raw deal or not going

Customer Question

How can I determine if I'm getting a raw deal or not going through this divorce? It seems like I'm always the defendant in every court proceeding. It was my wife who committed adultery. She left the house with our 3 kids. We have a court order in place which is temporary where I get my 9 year old son every other weekend and have dinner with him one night every other week. I hate it in that I would want to see him more. The older 2 (13 and 15) are mad with me because they think I'm the cause so I don't expect to get more time with them. But would I am hoping for is that the judge forces counseling sessions for them. My daughter is currently in counseling but I've come to a conclusion that my wife is putting on a sham for the courts. The child support seems reasonable and she has received spousal support for the last 6 months ($900 per month). I know what's next is the ED which the judge will split 50/50 and factor in the kids. But I feel like I'm about to be taking. For example I pretty much have zero access to 2 of my kids and I have no say in parental decisions. I know it is coming down to when they are with me it's one thing and with her it's another. But other than ED, child support, and temporary spousal support what should I be aware of or take advantage of? Because it seems my lawyer who started aggressive is now complacent. I want the adultery she committed somehow someway to be factored in. But i constantly from all the advice NC is a no fault state and there's nothing that can be done. Of course can sue lover but from what i hear it is considered laughable.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Lucy, Esq. replied 3 years ago.

My name is Lucy and I'd be happy to answer your questions today. I'm sorry to hear about your situation.

Unfortunately, adultery really isn't a factor in things like child support. The judge can consider the adultery when determining spousal support since, if she had not committed adultery, you would still be together and therefore would not need to pay her anything (that is essentially the legal reasoning, regardless of whether it is true in a specific case). So, you may be able to lower the $900 per month that you're paying her.

As far as equitable distribution goes, you are entitled to essentially half the marital property. If she spent marital funds in the course of the adultery, you can ask that she be ordered to repay those amounts to the marital estate from her share, which essentially means that she would get slightly less than half, and you could get slightly more.

You can ask the judge to give you joint legal custody, which would give you decision-making authority. If you have that, and she ignores it, she is in contempt of court. Other provisions that you could request are one that she refrain from bad-mouthing you, or allowing others to do so, without earshot of the children, and that no overnight guests be permitted when the children are in the home (this one goes both ways).

You also can sue her lover for alienation of affection. Among other things, you can get reimbursement for your attorney's fees for the divorce. You could also try to get the judge to order him to reimburse you for the spousal support you have to pay (if it's ordered, rather than agreed), because, again, you wouldn't have had to pay that but for his actions. It's true that most other states no longer recognize this tort, but that doesn't make it laughable in the states where it is still recognized - the judge and jury will take it seriously.

If you have any questions at all about what I've written, please reply so that I may address them. It's important to me that you are 100% satisfied with the service I provide. Otherwise, please rate my service at 3-5 faces/stars so that I get credit for helping you today. Thank you.

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