My name is Lucy and I'd be happy to answer your questions today. I'm sorry to hear about your situation.
Unfortunately, adultery really isn't a factor in things like child support. The judge can consider the adultery when determining spousal support since, if she had not committed adultery, you would still be together and therefore would not need to pay her anything (that is essentially the legal reasoning, regardless of whether it is true in a specific case). So, you may be able to lower the $900 per month that you're paying her.
As far as equitable distribution
goes, you are entitled to essentially half the marital property. If she spent marital funds in the course of the adultery, you can ask that she be ordered to repay those amounts to the marital estate from her share, which essentially means that she would get slightly less than half, and you could get slightly more.
You can ask the judge to give you joint legal custody, which would give you decision-making authority. If you have that, and she ignores it, she is in contempt of court. Other provisions that you could request are one that she refrain from bad-mouthing you, or allowing others to do so, without earshot of the children, and that no overnight guests be permitted when the children are in the home (this one goes both ways).
You also can sue her lover for alienation of affection
. Among other things, you can get reimbursement for your attorney's fees for the divorce. You could also try to get the judge to order him to reimburse you for the spousal support you have to pay (if it's ordered, rather than agreed), because, again, you wouldn't have had to pay that but for his actions. It's true that most other states no longer recognize this tort, but that doesn't make it laughable in the states where it is still recognized - the judge and jury will take it seriously.
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