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Legalease
Legalease, Lawyer
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 14511
Experience:  13 years experience, divorce & custody issues, protective orders, child abuse issues
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my military husband is deployed. He recently adopted my son.

Customer Question

my military husband is deployed. He recently adopted my son. An ex of mine went for rights over the same child and now has way more time than what he ever had. My son used to call him dad but after my husband and I got married he started calling my husband dad. I removed my ex from our lives but he had already gone to a lawyer and filed for rights. The judge didnt hear anybodys sides, didnt ask questions, didnt take into consideration of what is best for my son. He was handling everything very well and never asked for my ex and yet the judge gave him more rights than a bio father gets for his own children. Im a great mom and my hsband is trying to be the best father he can while deplyed but my ex will buy my sons love and this is going to put a huge damper on his relationship with his dad. I need help!
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Legalease replied 1 year ago.

Hello there

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I am sorry but I am confused. Is your ex who sought rights in family court the biological father of the child?

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Typically when a man is permitted to adopt a child, that cuts off all rights of any other person who claims rights to the child -- including the biological father. Was the judge made aware that your son has been adopted by your husband? If your ex who is seeking rights was NOT the biological father, then did you seek permission from the biological father (or try to locate the bio father) to approve of the adoption by your husband?

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If you can answer these questions with as much information on (a) bio dad (b) what this ex has to do with your son (bio? or just an ex causing problem?) and (c) the adoption process itself -- was bio dad notified or located? These things may help me to give you a more straightforward answer. You may be in a situation where you just happen to have a meddlesome judge but I cannot know unless I know more about this.

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MARY

Customer: replied 1 year ago.


My ex is not a bio dad. He hs no kids of his own. He just created a bond with my son and off and on for 6 yrs he saw my son. My son also called him dad up until I got married in 2011. Then he wanted to call my husband daddy and he has ever since. I have been trying for yrs to get bio dad to sign his rights off. He just wouldnt and I finaly was able to but after my ex filed rights for my son. Bio dad was arrested for back support and he finally decided to sign off so I went through a lawyer and did what I needed to do. The judge knew this but he was mad that the adoption went through before the case with my ex was dealt with. So he took it out on me. He gave my ex so many rights and now my ex has him calling him dad again when he was doing just fine. But yes the whole process was done legally. Bio dad was aware of the adoption.

Expert:  Legalease replied 1 year ago.

Hello again.

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This is bizarre on the part of the Judge. Once a child is legally adopted if both legal parents appear in court and swear that they do not want the visitation any longer for the child because it will just mess up the child's head, then the Judge is supposed to bend over backwards to do what the legal parents want --- I could see if this Judge did what he did for the biological father (and that is a stretch after bio dad agrees to the adoption) but NOT for a person who is not biologically related. On this level of court proceedings I think you have run into a Judge who believes he is God and can do anything that he wants. My suggestions at this point are to have your new husband, the legal father, appear and testify that he objects to the relationship at this time and does not want his own bonding time with his son messed up because of this earlier awkward relationship and if the judge still refuses then request that if the ex wants to act as a father then he be ordered to pay child support. You can make those requests in a Motion for Hearing for Child Support or To Exclude XXXX from Visitation (any party can bring a motion into court on any case at any time). Another suggestion is to complain to the state's Judicial COmmission or Supreme Court Oversight Committee about the actions of this Judge (as far as I am concerned, with a legal father in place, he is overreaching and doing nothing more than confusing your son -- it would be one thing if your husband had not taken the loving step of legally adopting him -- believe me when I say that my father died when I was 2 years old and I had a stepfather from the age of 6 and he would never legally adopt me due to different family dynamics and a stepparent adoption is a loving step). You can find a judicial complaint committee on line for you state (simply do a search with your state name and Judicial Complaint). Finally, I think there may be a legal appeal in your future. It will be costly but I do believe that a higher court will most likely overturn this decision if you can show that it is detrimental to your child and your husband's relationship at this time (if your husband is even one bit of a disciplinarian then you are probably going to have troubles in your future).

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I truly wish I could give you an immediate legal solution but your case appears to be one that has gone off the legal rails to a certain extent. If your current lawyer is not doing anythng for you then I suggest you contact a few more family attorneys in your area -- you can find them by contacting the bar association of the nearest large city and asking for a referral to a child custody specialist. They should give you several names and then you can go from there.

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MARY

Legalease, Lawyer
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 14511
Experience: 13 years experience, divorce & custody issues, protective orders, child abuse issues
Legalease and 9 other Family Law Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

can I still file to disrupt visitations if my husband is deployed? He is overseas and this is taking a toll on him.
Also my husband does discipline our son but only when hes doing something wrong and he only sends him to his room. Its never spanking or anything bad. But my ex does the same thing as well.


 

Expert:  Legalease replied 1 year ago.

Hello there

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You can file now but it might be more effective to have your husband there at a court hearing when he returns from deployment. Regarding discipline -- I am talking about your son learning to play off one of them against the other -- not what you current husband does to discipline him.

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MARY

Customer: replied 1 year ago.


if I file a compaint against the judge can he still be on my case? I am worried about that. Im afraid to piss him off more than he already is. Also my so was afraid to go with my ex and he prays at night for him t leave us alone but my ex has started buying him several things. Im sorry to say but I believe my son can be bought. Thats probably going to go against me when my son starts talking about how much he loves going to his house now right?


 

Expert:  Legalease replied 1 year ago.

Hello again -

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It may cause a problem if the higher court does not remove the judge from your case so you might want to be cautious there. However, if you appeal the matter to a higher court then the lower court judge will not matter and it can be reassigned if it ever ends up back there for any reason. The court will not typically ask a child what they want to do until the child gets well into the teenage years (about 14) because of the prevailing belief that the child will not know what is good for him. Every kid can be bought -- including mine -- so there is not much you can do about that -- but if your son's concerns become larger and he really refuses to go with your ex, then you can petition the court to hear your sons concerns no matter what the age.

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MARY

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