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Thank you for the question and I'll like to help. Since he physically abused her during the marriage, is she seeing the same pattern of abusive behaviors he had during the marriage. If so, that may be a safety issue, for herself and the children, for which she may seek a restraining order of some kind. Has she considered that?
she has served papers for full custody , a restraining order, and child support payments to be paid on time.
he has the papers but they haven't go to court yet.
What modification is she seeking in the custody? And how are the children when they return to her after he's had them? She should be asking for specific orders from the court that he not use abusive language towards her in any fashion, especially at pickup and drop off times. What are the terms of the restraining order?
Was the ex-husband arrested or charged for the abuses he caused her during the marriage. That can be a very important factor in the custody determination, if he's acting just as he did during the marriage.
Full custody. restraining order as far as I know is no coming to her place of work, stay 150 feet from her, texting only except in case of emergency. I've seen where he would come to he work at a gas station and she would let him get gas just to keep from fighting with him then she would have to pay for it
I beleive he was.
If he has a criminal history of abusing her, a judge will give that serious weight. If he continues to threaten her even with a restraining order in place, then there is a serious safety problem for her and the children. She would have a strong basis for asking for sole custody of the children, and requests that his visits with the children be supervised by a third party monitoring agency, which he should e ordered to pay for. She should distance herself from him as much as possible and go as far as needed to keep the children safe. My concern is, he may use the children to get to her, if he can't control his abuses in front of the children. Are the children in therapy for what they have seen of his behaviors?
How old are the children? Has she considered asking for a court-appointed guardian ad litem for the children?
I've heard him on the phone yelling cus words. she had a friend, male help her with her divorce and he thinks he's helping her again. he's not. but he thinks that and he give her a hard time about it and one threaten to take the kid to that guy place of work to infront him. he was calling him but stoped that because one time he did (Mark) the male was at the police station and gave the police the phone.
Kids are not in therapy. the boy is 9 and the girl is not his but last night she went back because she was worried about her brother. hse 13.
Ultimately, the restraining order is not keeping the ex-husband from acting abusively. But she should keep records of these acts, and make sure the police whenever necessary. She must not wait for him to actually attempt to harm her physically, at this point. But she should get documentation, like police reports. Keep records of his abusive messages and record his rantings, which may be admissible in court to show that the children may not be safe in his care.
once he was served the papers does it put the restraining order in effect or not until the court date
Ask for a guardian ad litem. That is a court appointee who speaks with both parents, and more importantly, the children. The guardian, will see the scope of the abuses and make the appropriate recommendations to the court about custody.
A 9 and a 13 year old should have an input about the kind of parent they deserve. The children's own description of the father's behavior will contribute significantly to what a judge decides about custody. But you must be careful not to get the children too deeply involved in the court process, though, I suspect, they are unfortunately already in the middle of the court process.
Call the police if he violates the restraining order, and make sure she too abide strictly by the terms of the restraining order. The court can't help her if she gives him access and opportunities to abuse her.
Is she represented by an attorney for the upcoming custody hearing?
I wanted to print this conversation . if you know how can you e-mail it to me. answer to your question Yes
so are you saying the restaining order is in effect once he was served the papers?
Her attorney should be able to force the issue in court and help the judge get the point that there may be serious danger to the kids from their father, if he continues to act as he's doing now. You may have to contact Just Answer directly to get a printout of this discussion.
Ok thank you Jacustoner
The restraining order, when applied for, is generally decided within moments by a judge who decides if there is reasonable belief that the person applying for the restraining order is in immediate danger of some physical harm. If the judge finds there is reasonable risk of harm, a temporary restraining order is issued, and then the papers get served on the respondent. The temporary restraining order does not need a hearing. So at the hearing later on, the judge decides whether to make the temporary restraining order more permanent, after hearing arguments from the parties.
would marrige help in this case. Like if I married her then I could go with her and he couldn't do anything.
It seem like and she think seeing me could hurt her in court. why and how. I feel once your divorce you can see who you want. and him having 50% cusdoy does he have any say in who she see?
If you get married and relocate to a different place, the distance would serve as a buffer between her and the ex-husband. But I respectfully XXXXX XXXXX you marry only when you are both ready. As you can see, marriages can challenge couples and some times force them into divorce, unfortunately. Of course, once someone is divorced, she is free to have any relationship with anyone she wants. Just as a reminder, please remember to rate this discussion we've had positively, and contact me whenever necessary with any questions that may come up in the future, in this case. Thank you!