I have an issue that is causing some mental anguish, so to speak.I have Joint Legal Custody of my daughter, with my ex having primary care. Since our divorce, she has refused to communicate with me any issues regarding our child as per the decree. She, instead, has her own mother e-mail me with responses and issues.While we have filed a motion for contempt regarding this, here is my issue:I am absolutely tired of receiving information from my ex mother-in-law. Communication has not been constructive, but destructive. I cannot verify information from her, she sends multiple e-mails for clarification after clarification is given, she responds way too late on behalf of her daughter after I send my ex an email regarding our child and I also receive unnecessary emails.This is very stressing and unwanted. It has affected my own life and my job having to provide prompt responses. I do not wish, nor want, to continue any communications with her, but I am afraid that my ex still continues to use her own mother as her spokesperson, and there will be no further information given to me.What can I do to stop this from happening?
State/Country relating to question: Iowa
I would like to help you with this situation. Unfortunately, this is a very gray area in the law. If the custody case said that she must share information with you, it probably does not say she has to do it personally. But, what types of information has to be talked about on a regular basis. Is your daughter ill? Other problems? Are you not getting the info or is it that it just annoys you that you have to listen to the grandmother?
we have education to discuss, additional visitation times. There are times I do not give any info, etc.
I am not sure where the gray area lies...the grandmother is not listed in the decree and it states that the parties (me and my ex) must communicate effectively for the sake of our grandchild
medical issues are never discussed until after the fact
If you are not successfully having the proper information exchanged and it is causing problems for your child, then you should file for contempt because it is a willful disregard of the court order. If you don't have visitation times set up exactly, I would certainly do that and don't vary. It is apparent that you and she do not get along at all, so trying to talk to each other all the time is never going to work. You will constantly be frustrated and feel that you are missing information.
I suggest exchanging a notebook where she must write and you write important information and send it home with your daughter. Then she can write upcoming school events and so on, and send it back.
I have always been willing to handle this through my ex, she only refuses and has since the decree was signed. I instead have to go through her own mother where the situation gets worse
If you two don't find a way to solve this, the judge could easily change the custodial arrangement to something neither of you would like.
I practiced in Iowa for many years and I know what they do.
what may outcomes be?
Give sole custody to one or the other parent. Order that you go to mediation. Order that you hire a counselor and go to counseling. No contact order between the two of you except for in writing.
Just about anything.
I will keep that in mind and keep trying to get communication started between the both of us
thank you for your time
Best of luck to you. I know it is difficult, but hang in there for your daughter!!
JD Degree, Social Service Experience, Child Support Officer
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