My name is XXXXX XXXXX I'd be happy to answer your questions today. I'm sorry to hear about your situation.
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It sounds like you're aware of this, but your ex is completely wrong about the law here. She needs consent to move with the child out of New Jersey, and a child cannot decide where he wants to live at any age prior to 17. If your son would prefer to stay in New Jersey for the summer, she needed to convey that to the judge in advance. At the very least, the judge can order her to reimburse you for the plane tickets you bought.
1. You can file a petition for contempt of court without physically being present. If you cannot attend a hearing, then you can hire a lawyer to attend for you. Unfortunately, either you or someone on your behalf will have to appear at some point. Call around to see if you can find someone to go in this week and file papers for you and, if necessary, ask for an emergency hearing. A good place to start is http://www.martindale.com
2. No, she can't. You have a right to notice and an opportunity to be heard. You may want to call the clerk of the court on Monday to see if anything has been filed. If so, ask them to send you copies of all of it. It's important to know exactly what's being going on in the case, and if she's filing documents behind your back, you can file a Motion to Vacate any orders entered as a result.
Also, interference with custody is a crime in New Jersey. N.J. Stat., Section 2C:13-4(a)
. You actually could call the police, ask them to pick up your son, and transport him to the airport to get on that plane. I don't necessarily know if that's the best course of action, but it is the law. Here is more information that might help.http://www.judiciary.state.nj.us/family/paretime.pdf
If you are no longer in New Jersey, it is possible that the judge will allow the request to move out of state (especially because Florida is actually closer to where you are currently stationed). But she doesn't get to decide that for herself, and she's not allowed to just cancel your visitation because she's moving at the end of the summer. She has to either follow the court order, or have it changed (and tell you that she's having it changed).