My name isXXXXX and i am in the U.S. Air Force. I was dating my now current wife before i got stationed in california and we decided to get married. she lives in illinois and im stationed in california. She came to california one weekend in april and we decided to get married. well she now lives in illinois with another man and i was wondering about annulments. i dont want this to affect my air force career nor set me back finacially. what can i do?
State/Country relating to question: California
Hi, I'm trained and experienced in family law, and I would love to help you through your current situation.
You can only annul for very specific reasons:
Fraud/duress/mental incapacity/or coercion (force) brought within 90 days...
OR, physical incapacity (can't have children) within one year.
Or otherwise prohibited.
This would be public policy reasons (e.g. parent marries child).
i was told that her living with another guy was duress.
No, duress means that she forced you to marry.
is cheating cause for annulment?
No, unfortunately not.
That would be cause for divorce only.
is that what i should do?
In this case, yes.
but since my Air Force background, will i have to pay Alimony or anything of that nature?
we've only been married since april 27
You only have to pay alimony based on three factors: (1) long length of marriage; (2) prior agreements to pay; or, (3) financial need coupled with financial ability.
well she is on probation in the state of illinois where she cant leave state without permission and has no job. would that mean she would need me to pay alimony?
No, that would mean it's more likely you would pay her alimony.
... because of her impoverished state.
However, you can agree to a side agreement (which would be honored by the court).
An agreement you come to on your own.
ok, now would i have to file in california where we got married or in illinois where she lives
In California, if that's where you were married.
You can motion to change venue (at the convenience of the parties).
But, you must initiate in California.
ok, is divorce expensive?
It can be.
You can file pro se, but then she will have the upper hand (if she hires an attorney).
can she hire an attorney if she has no money though?
...the attorney is not allowed to accept contingency in divorce cases (in which he would collect only if his client wins).
so is it possible for us to agree with no lawyers to go our seperate ways with no alimony or anything?
Yes, you can come to a side agreement.
First you must file for divorce though...
And, the judge must sign the order.
This is a great link for you: http://www.kinseylaw.com/freestuff/selfhelp/famlaw/regular/freedivorceforms.html
This walks you through it.
walk me through getting a divorce?
Start by filing FL-170
can i ask what you would recommend in my situation? im sorry, this is stressful for me and i dont know what to do.
Look over the link; you will file for dissolution, disclose finances, negotiate an agreement, and have it signed by the judge (if all goes well).
I think you can file for divorce if you want to.
You might owe alimony, but you won't if you agree otherwise.
This is a good petition for dissolution of marriage in California: www.courts.ca.gov/documents/fl100.pdf
Fill that out, and bring it into the county where you were married.
Then, if you negotiate for no alimony, that should be fine.
California is a Community Property state, so you will likely split most of your property (which you will disclose).
Then, have the agreement signed by the judge.
i dont own propety nor does she
That will make it much simpler.
im only 21 and just joined the air force after college
I'm sorry this happened.
thank you. i would just like to get past all this. trying to gather info for the quickest but best way possible
Given your situation, a pro se divorce should be fairly simple.
You are most welcome. Fill that form out...
Send it into the county, and send a copy to your wife/ex.
From there, you can negotiate an agreement after disclosures (because there's not too much, it should be fairly simple).
It will only get hard if she hires an attorney to help her.
Remember, negotiate for no alimony, if you don't want to pay it.
does it make a difference who files?
will the military help me with any of this?
Likely not, but you can always ask. That much is up to the military (it is not required to, unfortunately).
Really, though, you are just filling out and sending in that form, releasing your information, negotiating, and showing up for the judge to stamp the order.
pending that me and her both agree on everything correct?
This is the form to fill out: www.courts.ca.gov/documents/fl100.pdf
It will get less fun if she disagrees, I'm afraid.
and when we dont agree, thats when things get messy
well hopefully we'll agree.
I'll cross my fingers for you; and, hopefully she doesn't retain an attorney.
If either of these things happen, come back and ask for me...
I'll help you out as you encounter any difficulty(ies).
now, does she need to be present for anything here in california?
No, only the petitioner needs to be present to sign the order.
...the judge might require otherwise but not usually.
ok, i definitely will if anything shall arise.
Have I helped you? If not, do you have any more questions?
very much so. still a little cloudy but ill fill out that form and talk stuff over with her about alimony and such.
What are you cloudy about, my friend?
so i cant get it annuled? she was impoverished before i married her. my friends have all said an annulment would be better for me
You cannot get it annulled under these facts.
Remember the only options for annulment, as I spelled out.
...at the beginning
yeah, i understand.
Is there anything more that's unclear?
does mental state come into play anywhere?
If she did not have mental capacity to know she was marrying (either by age or for other reasons), that would be grounds for annulment. This is a very specific exception.
oh, yeah she just sees a counselor every week and takes medications for it
That's not sufficient, I'm afraid.
this form is very confusing. do i type my info into it?
Let me walk you through it.
At the top put YOUR information and leave blank the part for "ATTORNEY FOR"
Then, put the information for your county courthouse.
whats state bar number?
Leave that blank, as you are not an attorney (that only applies if an attorney fills it out)
It means the number provided to you when you pass the bar.
Then, you are the petitioner and she is the respondent.
Then, you request "dissolution of marriage"
You will have to call about the case number (call the county clerk for the county in which you are filing)
Then, the statistical facts and declaration about children should be self-explanatory.
Parts 4 and 5 are more complicated: Separate property is property you alone own (real or personal property).
Community property is property owned by both of you; e.g. that property bought by either of you during marriage.
what about the residence?
ie only been in cali since march
That's okay. You can list that residence.
File in the county in which you were married; that's the most important thing.
In part 6, petitioner requests dissolution because of irreconcilable differences.
Where it says Superior Court, County of fill in: Santa Barbara
Then, list the information for that court.
For part 7, you might want to request attorney's fees and costs under part e (so, check respondent)
Costs are court costs.
Then, you will sign and fill out the bottom.
Does that help, or is there still confusion?
that helped alot. thank you. so i just print this off and send it in?
Correct. Then, the court will stamp it. You will want to send a copy of the stamped form to your ex. I would run it into the court if you can, so you can make copies right there after it's stamped.
You want to serve it to your ex via CERTIFIED MAIL.
That way, if she refuses service, you can prove that you sent it to her.
Is there anything more I can help you with today?
im good for now. if i have more questions i will request you on here
Great! I'm glad I could help you.
Bonuses are always appreciated.
thank you much!
You are most welcome.
I am responsive, respectful, and relentless.
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