It looks like my marriage is coming to an end, unfortunately. I have tried talking to my husband, but he doesn't want to talk about anything to me. He has gambled over 80,000 in the past few years and will not seek help. We have 2 daughters together and we have his 2 daughters from previous marriage every other week (equal time w/mother). He does DJing of parties and is never home to be with his other daughters. They do not want to see me. They are 15 and 12 and are not respectful to me at all. Out of spite, he went with ex-wife today and changed visitation to every other weekend and agreed to pay her 300.00 more per month. He thinks he is doing me a favor. I told him it was a mistake, but again did not listen to me. His mindset is out of control and there is no getting through to him. My questions are...we own a home together which probably isn't worth what we paid for it. He said he will not leave. I don't want to be charged with abandonment if I leave. He also makes less than I do, and there isn't much left in his paycheck to pay support for my 2 girls. What am I legally bound to as far as the house goes, and would I have to pay HIM allimony since he doesn't make much money? I still have to support our 2 daughters ages 8 and 6. I stopped paying his large credit cards (in his name only) as he was just recharging them to gamble. Other than the house, there isn't anything else we have in both names. Please advise me of how to get out of this marriage that has no future. I need to protect my daughters.
Country relating to Question: United States
asked him to go to counseling for gambling and also to go to marriage counseling. I tried to sit down with him but he is so bitter and is trying to turn everything out to me MY fault and that I am money hungry cause I won't give more and more money for him to blow. I haven't sought out legal counsel yet.
-Could you explain your situation a little more?What state are you in?
Are you signed on the mortgage to the house?
Do you want to keep the house?
Are there any other significant assets?
I live in NJ and yes my name is XXXXX XXXXX mtge to the house. I have asked my husband to move out to live with his parents or friend, but he said it is his house and he isn't going anywhere. It is so stressful living with him and I don't want my kids witnessing ugliness. I have a good paying job, and so does he, but he has child support, loan payment (he took to gamble) etc out and he doesnt bring home much. He works nights, so without me he couldn't have his other 2 kids stay. I agreed to share the raising of them, but he isn't around much. It isn't fair to me or his kids. I know that his ex wife is shrewd and will take him back to court after they signed papers at courthouse today specifying she keeps them full time and we have them every other weekend. She is going to take him to court and demand even more money. She and her husband don't make much, and I know my income will make life easy for her. I make 78,000 and my husband makes about 65,000 plus his djing on side business. I don't necessarily have to stay in that house, I am paying for it myself as it is. He won't leave so I thought I would. He doesn't have money to buy me out and like I said it isn't worth what we originally paid for with the economy. If we divorce, will I be obligated to help pay support for his other children or allimony to him since he isn't bringing home much money after his deductions? Where do me and my kids go from here? Please help. ps My vehicle I drive is in his name only. I make the payments. We don't have any other real assets
DearCustomer- It is very difficult to analyze an entire divorce from this website but I will try my best to give you my opinion on your situation. So much always depends on various facts that I would have no way of knowing. You would not owe him an child support for his kids and based on your income levels I see no reason that there would be any Alimony going either way. His debts are his problem except for anything on which you are signed such as the house. If you want him out of the house you can file for divorce and ask for exclusive use of the premises. If you keep the house you will probably have to pay the mortgage and if he keeps the house it will be his responsibility but something tells me that if he keeps the house a foreclosure is on the horizon.
You have the right to take your children an move out. I'm quite certain you will have custody of your kids regardless of whether you stay in the house or not but most courts will award the family home to the Custodial Parent if that's what the parent wants. I can't solve all the issues in a case where there is a lot of debt and little or no assets. You may eventually be faced with considering a bankruptcy to wipe out the debt and start anew. That will depend on whether there is a foreclosure or you are signed on a significant amount of other debts. There would be nothing to "buy out" if the house is worth less than the mortgage and I doubt it could be sold or refinanced at this time so it is either kept or goes into foreclosure. Only you can make these decision but under the circumstances it would hurt to get a short consultation with a local family law attorney. You should at least know all your options before you decide what you wish to do.
I have maintained good credit and he has just accumulated more debt in his own name to support his gambling problem. The house is the only thing we have together. I don't have many debts, but unfortunately have a substantial student loan which I pay. If he isn't left with much at the end of the week, would he still have to pay child support to my 2 daughters we had together, or would his first wife still get the same child support for his first 2 daughters? Would it be divided among the 4 kids or does the first family get presidence? If we are just separated, can his ex still use my income to take him to court to get more child support? When does it end for me giving her more money? He doesn't even have life insurance on my kids, but his ex and other 2 children are listed as beneficiaries on his policy from work. I have nothing. Should I just take possession of the house I am paying for anyway...give him the car I drive that is in his name and purchase one in my own name? Stop paying any of his bills? He said he will just keep his paycheck but he won't pay bills he will gamble it. This is not the man I married and it is sad it has to come to this. I am very sad but I must protect my daughters.
His ex can't use your income to determine child support and he would owe for all four kids. I can't tell you how it would be divided since the money paid to the first two is based on his and his first wife's income and what is paid to you is based on his and your incomes so the amounts would be different. It gets very complicated and that's why I said at the outset that I can only do so much from this website.
Just to clarify one thing...are you saying that MY income is not in consideration when they figure out child support for his other children? I was told it was the total of our joint income compared to her joint income. If that is the case, my going to college and getting a decent job just benefits his ex and not me and my children. If he makes very little after deductions and has a lot of debt in his own name, wouldn't it stand to reason my children will get nothing? If I leave the home, is that abandonment if he won't leave? I figured I would have to continue paying on it or it would be foreclosed upon. Lastly, he cannot give me a hard time to be asked to leave? He feels he owns it as much as I do and if anyone is leaving it will be me. He is tough, not the gentle man I married. Gambling has taken over his personality. Please advise
Your income has nothing to do with the child support for his kids from another marriage. However quitting your job will not solve the issue of child support for your own 2 children since it is used when computing what he pays to you. So if you quit the court will still impute income to you in that amount when calculating the child support he owes to you.
25 years experience as practicing attorney
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