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JerrySJD
JerrySJD, Attorney
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 821
Experience:  Divorce, child custody, support, mediation, alimony
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please help me

Customer Question

what can i do if my ex is threatning me "saying he will abuse the process" and say and do anything to take our daughter from me. he already has done this before. everytime a week before a court date he would accuse me of something i did not do. he wont stop and i have to do something about this. he tells me things like if i dont do what he says i will be sorry and he will get his way that the way he gets it is up to me. I also have a text message conversation with him. he replied to me when i was nicely requesting my personal belongings from him with i will put a pfa on me. he did this before and i did not do anything. it is a direct threat that he will lie again. what can i do. i have been going through this for over a year.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  JerrySJD replied 2 years ago.

JerrySJD :

You say this is your ex, so that means the divorce is final and you have custody?

JerrySJD :

It is highly unlikely that your ex can take your daugher away from you if you have custody. That would take a substantial change in circumstances, such as abuse, neglect, etc. Mere allegations will not do, he will need solid proof from third parties. If he is threatening you and you feel in danger, you may be able to get a protective order. From what you are saying, it seems that he is bluffing.

JerrySJD :

How old is your daugher? If she is little, the court will not want to take her from you unless there is something very wrong. Again, proof is needed.

JerrySJD :

The best think you can do is try and ignore him, if you possibly can.

Customer:

no we have joint custody she is three years old. and he has primary residence. i ran out of money and he threatened me saying if i did not agree to his terms with his custody agreement he would say i violated the current court order. if i agree he would drop it. the courts were aware of him doing this to me. my lawyer said he can get away with things like that. that was june last year.

Customer:

no he has done this before. he had a pfa on me in the beginning to keep our daughter. i never did anything he said i did. and he is threatning me again with it

Customer:

every time we had a court hearing in the past. a week before he would claim i violated something. so i would spend my money and time defending myself. and my life ended up consisting of always having at least two people with me at all times. i even got the shingles from stress.

JerrySJD :

Understood. I am sorry for that you are in this stressful situation.

JerrySJD :

If you lay low and do not fight with him, do you think this will blow over?

Customer:

i just do not know what i can do. and no. it has been over a year and he has gotten worse.

JerrySJD :

Can you not take his calls? Why is he harassing you?

JerrySJD :

You have joint custody, which is good. You also get visitation, which is a start. You need to stay away from him.

JerrySJD :

He is hurting you.

JerrySJD :

He cannot hurt you if he cannot speak with you. Just pick up and drop offs of the child should be the only interaction.

Customer:

i even tried being nice. he dictates everything and forces me to comply with his wishes and ruins my holidays and events with our daughter. ok example i asked for my personal belongings very nicely and he said i am not allowed to ask him for anything pay my lawyer or he will put a pfa on me. but what about my time with my daughter. he forces me to drive everywhere and will not meet me half way. like i have her on mornings on her birthday. he is only giving me a couple hours and i have to drive an hour and a half.

JerrySJD :

Isn't there a custod order in place? He has to follow that or he is in contempt.

JerrySJD :

There should be a parenting plan.

JerrySJD :

Does he have any evidence of abuse to get a new PFA

JerrySJD :

How old is your daugher?

JerrySJD :

What does the parenting plan say?

Customer:

he wont let her go to her normal doctor either and im not allowed to know anything that goes on with her. we have a custody order. he says with holidays and vacation and birthdays that since it doesnt specify times he can do what he wants. and our order says that we have to give two weeks notice for vaction dates. he says it has to be exactly two weeks not before or after and he stole my dates from under me after i put in time off from work. he has done this with every holiday also. she is 3

Customer:

the order also says i get her mornings for her birthday. he says since it says nothing more that i have to do what he says and pick the times and where to pick up and drop off

Customer:

no and he did not last time either. it was just his word against mine

Customer:

he is abusing the process. cant i do anything about that?

JerrySJD :

Your only shot is a motion for contempt for violating the custody order.

JerrySJD :

You need more to get the motion for contempt.

Customer:

my old lawyer said that what he is doing is not in violation of the order

JerrySJD :

I agree, you need more to get the motion for contempt.

Customer:

what about abusing the process.

Customer:

and threating me with falsifying a pfa to get leverage and his way

JerrySJD :

Problem is that the court bought his argument to get the pfa

Customer:

so he can do it again

JerrySJD :

You need to back off and wait until you have something more solid on him. Let him hang himself. You have to give him a lot of rope.

JerrySJD :

He can only go for the pfa if the is abuse, with evidence.

Customer:

how do i do that. and he had no evidence last time

Customer:

and what solid? like what?

JerrySJD :

What we do not want is him making something up. He is using the fact that your daughter is only 3. It is not like she is 12 and can speak to the court.

JerrySJD :

Solid like hitting you, crazy text messages, phone messages, letters, statements to third party witnesses, photographs, abuse by him on the daughter reported by the school or a social worker, to name a few.

JerrySJD :

You need to give him a lot of rope. Since he lied before, you can get him, but you have to be patient. Do not play his game. Do not let him intimidate you. As I mentioned before, you need to ignore him.

Customer:

well he already did that. he said that he will do anything to take kaitlyn from me. that i am nothing and a no body that he would ruin me. and if i dont do things his way i would be sorry.

Customer:

he also keeps two loaded guns. no safe. one under the bed and he brings the hand gun in the truck with him at all times

Customer:

can i report him for that? cause im worried about our daughters safety

Customer:

and mine as well. he is such a control freak that he already scares me.

Customer:

i also heard from some girl that was mad at him that he had drugs in the house. but no one would tell me who she was so i could not talk with her. im afraid to call cys cause if they dont find anything then he will be angry and idk

JerrySJD :

The firearms are a weak point for him. You have to play smart to win this. If you interact with him, he will win and take away joint custody. That is what he is after. You cannot let him have that. Remember, he cannot fight with you if you do not fight back. You are not a nobody, you are somebody and you are your daughter's mother. She knows that and she loves you very much.

Customer:

so he is allowed to have unsecured weapons around our daughter? and how do i play smart. i am described as laid back and really nice. idk what to do. i am liked by so many people that i have never met anyone like this

JerrySJD :

You can win this if you play it right. Do not let his tirades trick you. There are firearms and drugs in the pictures so you can get him. You HAVE to let him hang himself. He will, you just have to give him enought rope. Lots and lots of rope. Let him think he is getting his way. Sooner or later he will slip. When he does, you will be ready. This is going to take tremendous patience on your part.

Customer:

how will he hang himself.

JerrySJD :

We do not know yet. We have to wait and watch. If you fight him now, you can lose.

JerrySJD :

If you want to fight him now, you can file a Motion for Modification of Custody based on the firearms and drugs. That will be he said she said and he will run right back to the pfa.

JerrySJD :

You have to let him think he is getting his way. Sooner or later he will drop his guard and make a mistake.

Customer:

ok. can i still file a motion to modify with new days and times and more specifics for holidays and vacations

Customer:

but what if i found out for sure that drugs are in the house and called cys?

Customer:

and cys found them

JerrySJD :

Now you are getting the picture. You need more specifics becasue the current plan is not working. My concern is that he is on the warpath right now. If you file now, you probably need a lawyer and he will lie, like he has in the past. We are looking for abuse, neglect, reports from daycare, drugs, guns laying around, stuff like that. What we really want is someone else calling cfs, like the girl who spoke with you, a neighbor and like I said daycare. Third parties.

JerrySJD :

If you are sure there are drugs there, then call. My preference is that someone else call. His yelling at you is provoking you to take premature action. If you think your daughter's saftey is at risk, then call right away. Otherwise, you want him to slip up. Given time, he will. There are drugs in the picture.

Customer:

there is no daycare and why cant i call? people dont want to get envolved. they know how he is

JerrySJD :

If she is in danger, then call.

JerrySJD :

You need to give him rope, but his yelling at you is making you want to respond. That is how he will win. You have to ignore him.

JerrySJD, Attorney
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 821
Experience: Divorce, child custody, support, mediation, alimony
JerrySJD and 7 other Family Law Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  JerrySJD replied 2 years ago.
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Expert:  JerrySJD replied 2 years ago.

I switched to the Q&A format.

 

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
ok thank you
Expert:  JerrySJD replied 2 years ago.

No problem. It is my pleasure.

 

Do not let him trick you into jumping the gun, so to speak (no pun intended). What watch and listen. Do not fight back. He will give you an opening sooner or later, we just do not know when. Be like the owl. The owl sits in the tree all night watching and waiting. Sooner or later the mouse moves and then the owl pounces. Be the owl. You will win.

 

Thank you for using JA.

 

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