You are doing great. If you stay away from alcohol, you may well be able to reconcile. It is absolutely imperative that you not drink at all. Over time, when you show your progress, you can talk more and more about reconciliation. You can tell your husband, the social worker and the court that you want to reconcile. Everyone likes a happy ending and they will help you Right now it is too soon. Every day you will get stronger. Do not drink and it can work out.
At every opportunity tell your husband that you want to reconcile. That you love him.
The only way to quit drinking is to not drink.
Sounds simple, but it is true. The longer you go, the stronger you will get. They say it takes about a year to really get the stuff out of your system, maybe more. However, you should notice a big difference already. If you are still drinking, even a little, you will have great difficulty achieving your goal.
Thank you for your quick response.
I was going to rewrite my question in more detail and here is the edition:
You may have a different answer.
My husband filed a DV case restraining order against me followed by divorce in September 2011 because of my prolonged drinking problem (I was arrested due to disturbance in the late August, which triggered him to do this action this time). During the TRO I took my drinking issue very seriously and put myself into 90 day alcohol rehab program. I successfully completed the program and my drinking is under control. He agreed DV case be expired on 12/19 with the agreement of me living separate, my husband temporary having a full custody of our daughters, 7 and 8, and I get to see my kids only 2/week visitation for the next 90 days. While divorce process is unsure but it is up to him to move forward, I don't know what to do. I don't want divorce and get back to the house with my family together, but it seems unfair that he enjoys the power and control he is entitled to at this point, and occupies the house I used to live with his side of family while isolating me from everything. I feel very bitter about the situation. I want my kids back so much. I have an attorney right now, who says basically what my husband is doing is very generous and I should have agreed whatever he demanded in order to get the DV case expired, which it did. When can I get my joint custody back? Can he reissue the RO again if I try to fight over the agreement? Please help.
When you say your drinking is under control, does this mean you do not drink?
If the divorce is still ongoing, you have a chance to reconcile. Now that the DV case has expired and you are clean, maybe you can reconcile. To get custody back you will need to be clean, have a place to live and a place for the children. Then you can file a motion for custody. Very tough due to the DV order, but in time you might get it. The best result is a reconcilation based on your sobriety. Your husband will have to agree, obviously. It all depends on how you do. It is too soon to file any motions right now, you need a track record of success and stability to get the kids back. You will have that if you do not drink.
The only way to quit drinking is to not drink - zero, nada, null set. You will not be missing anything, you will get your life back and you will feel great too. Keep up the good work, stay sober, be nice to your husband and tell him you want to get back together. Reclaim that which is yours. You can only do it if you are completely sober.
If you are sober, you will recover and everything will work out.
Even if you get divorced, you will get you will at the very least get ample visitation. Once you rebuild your relationship with your daughters (who love you by the way), everything will come together. Try to make friends with your husband if you can. It is a start.
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Are you there? Are you ok?
Thank you so much, Jerry. Your advice made me realized what is most important for me to do at this point. (1) It is too soon to do motion so wait, (2) keep up my sobriety, (3) be nice to my husband and be friend with him (this part is tough because I have too much resentments toward him, but I will try). I will accept but I will need more help. What should I do?
You are doing great. Try to get some exercise and eat well today. A multivitamin is good too. Take care of yourself and take advantage of this time to build your strength.
Happy New Year and thank you for the "Accept"!
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