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Hi - my name is XXXXX XXXXX I'm a Family Law litigation attorney here to assist you.
Your oral agreement would not supersede or trump the separation agreement that you executed and that was approved by the court.
Generally, an oral agreement is only valid and enforceable if it will be completed within 1 year. Since you're long past this, your agreement would not be any good IF either of you reneged on the agreement.
The only way to modify the agreement is by filing a petition with the court and ask it to modify the court order to reflect your oral agreement and the way that you've been conducting business for the past several years. The judge certainly can modify the agreement to reflect this change. However, if you don't take this step, your security is only as good as your trust that your ex will not have a change of heart.
If you can get your ex spouse to agree to this or not. If your ex will agree, it should be no problem.
If the ex will not agree, it will require a legal proceeding to convince the court that the change is appropriate. I think you have a good claim for that because of the pattern and practice of your activity over this long period of time, I think that the court would be inclined to allow the change to be officially made by the court.
That said, I think you have a good claim, but I can't promise you that you'd win or lose as there's no telling what the judge may do.